Saturday, January 31, 2009

That's Just How I Roll...

I recall Jay telling me a funny exchange he had with Ethan. Ethan must have been doing some odd-ball behavior in the car. Nothing wrong, just silly. Jay asked him why he was doing that. Ethan responded, "That's just how I roll, Dad. Just... how... I roll."

I have no idea why that conversation that occurred many months ago wound up in my head on the drive home from yet another Pump It Up birthday party, but it did. And, as usual, I started thinking about that quirky little catch phrase of 2008. So just how am I rolling?

Well, today, not very well. I don't handle disappointment. Period. I easily let others' actions dictate my emotions. Ouch and shame on me. And, when I set my heart on a particular course, well, it doesn't change direction easily. Though circumstances are always out of my control, I cling to some earthly notion that I have some sort of clout. I wonder at what point in life, someone with my disposition can refrain from any outward hissy fit throwing, control the inner sadness and disappointment and just let it roll off my back.

I know the answer to that question. It is a peace in knowing that God is in control. Knowing that what comes my way is not only purposed, but perfect. His timing, His plan, His will. Oh, but to put it into practice.

My rolling is not His rolling and I need to come to grips with that. Again.

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