Monday, January 12, 2009

Can't Pause Now

There comes a time when you have to make a bold and difficult decision to "die to self" in order to do what you know in your heart is the right thing. That which is ordained for you. I find that as a wife and mother, I have to do this on a small scale every day. But sometimes, when it comes to dreams of the heart, it takes every bit of my being to stuff it down, pretend it doesn't exist and to just...walk...away.

A struggling day I am having. There is a reoccurring dream that I have had for at least the last 20 years. Each time I go through this cycle, it seems more and more plausible, more easily obtained. Even though, in reality, it couldn't be further from that. I know, that to everything there is a season and it is clearly not that season for me. I must forget the sweet thoughts that put me to sleep each night and wake me each morning as I ponder the possibilities. Now, painfully, I am searching, yearning, for the peace in my heart in light of that revelation.

I find myself heading out on what I know is the correct course, but will shed a few tears over my own personal loss, once again. Today, I can't pause to think about what I want and what fulfills me. Today, like every other day, it must be about others and their needs. My prayer is that the hole that remains of this dream will be filled by the blessing of waiting for His timing.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sad around the edges but a beautiful, loving center...