When I opened up my blog several months ago, I knew that I might be setting myself up for negativity, or worse, apathy. However, upon receiving some encouragement, I decided to actually solicit my friends to glance over it. I had hoped to get some dialogue going and well, that hasn't happened too much. On the flip side, what has happened, much to my utter surprise, has been well, cry-inducing, speechless rendering, stun creating...compliments. Seriously, people, I am so completely undeserving, but derive much pleasure in the fact that you get any amount of enjoyment out of reading my blather!
Everyone has a little dream that they keep a candle burning for. I can't say I have always wanted to be a writer. Growing up I have kept journals (now those are hilarious), but only in the last three or four years, has it become a flame in my heart. I just, at this moment, realized the beginning in all of this for me. Wow. It was Ansley. It was those email updates I kept going for three years about her condition and ultimately her death. Just another lasting mark on my life that she made. Ok, I am crying now. I love her.
This morning, I heard a song on a new CD I bought recently. I had heard the song on the radio but never really listened to the lyrics. It is a great song and despite what even I perceive as a bit cheesy, I will post the lyrics and a link to hear the song.
"Set the World On Fire" by Britt Nicole.
I wanna set the world on fire
Until it`s burning bright for You
It`s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?
I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There`s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do
I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father`s hands
My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me
I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah
I`m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire
I hesitate to even write about this. My thoughts are - I am not a writer, what if I am humiliated, embarrassed by this post next year when I have failed, who do I think I am, do I have the nerve to actually write this down for the world to read?, is this really just pride?, what about the reaction of others who are much better writers, just who do I think I am? Basically, a lot of doubt. But here I go...into the DEEP. Please hang on with me, ok?
My prayer is that if this is God's will for me, that He will continue to keep this flame burning, that He will open doors to those that need to hear, that I may have the support from those near me, that my words will be authentic and real about a journey with Him - the triumphs, the failures, the mountain tops and the desert wanderings, and even the every day. I want to be used to His glory, an accurate estimation of who He is, not me, but Him. May you find inspiration in this song today - each one of us can set it on fire for Him...only because of Him.
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4 comments:
Kelsey,
Please keep blogging. Your words touch the threads of commonality that bind us all together... humility to receive blessings, the love that we share for our sisters (Paige and Ansley were roomates and best friends for so long) and basically how all of us in our own way reside in crazy town.
beautiful Kels
One of the reasons I think you're such a great writer is that the subjects that you write about speak to all of us. Everyone has been scared to try for something at one point in our lives, but the difference is that you are going for it! With your experience in writing, even if it was writing about a tragic health condition, you got into the habit of writing and it became something close to you...something you could do for you. All day long you take care of the house, the kids, your husband, the business..writing is something that you can do for you. Whatever you write about, those of us reading can identify with. Most of the time, we share the pain, laughs, or even strive the be as lucky as you to be such a wonderful cook :-) It's more than just a glimpse of your life, it's a way of life that we all want...a way to raise our children, to share a life with our husbands, and to keep Jesus in the mix all at the same time. It can be overwhelming, but you show us that it can be done. THAT is why you should continue writing!!!
As I read your initial comments about your new passion for writing that seemed to come from nowhere - my thoughts immediately went to your e-mail updates about Ansley's journey - and then I read your statement and found you came to the same conclusion.
My other thought centered around the source of your passion - life experience. As your illustration of the man who had lost his wife and child, you also have received the bittersweet blessing of loss. You have experienced emotions beyond what most could identify.
But mostly you have experienced grace and mercy at a level accessible only through the process of submission to God through your loss. That kind of submission, with its reward of grace and mercy, is a rare experience reserved for those pure hearts that are keenly focused on God for their deliverance. Without Him, how else could you survive such an experience?
Insight and wisdom - does God bless us with experiences that bring insight and wisdom for our own growth in holiness - or is there an expectation that we will use that insight and wisdom to bless His Kingdom? (2 Corinthians 1:3-7) Can we gain the full blessing of this holiness without sharing our comfort and wisdom with others?
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