A new year, another story. I could have never picked what this year would start like five years ago. Where are we? What are our issues? What consumes us? What are our goals?
Jay - Still worried about his heart. New tidbits of information regarding his health seem to slowly arrive finally making sense out of everything. He has hypothyroidism. Great diagnosis for determining why he has gained so much weight, why he has had muscle problems and why he has been so irritable. However, the solution is not as simple as medication. Although he will take some, it has to be monitored with his heart problem. Hypothyroidism can also cause heart problems itself and that of course adds to his worry. Work is not too great and that is also a source of dissatisfaction. He just needs a change of atmosphere and a change of perspective. The money is so great that it is hard to walk away, but I think that it is inevitable. He is bored and tired of working for someone else. I am concerned about him. It doesn't help that I had this horrible dream in which both he and Ansley died. It was horrible and I couldn't stop crying in it. He isn't the Jay that I married, but neither am I the same person he married. I just wish he had a joy about him, a happiness - that life didn't weigh him down so much.
Ethan - Has started the year as a great reader. All of the sudden, he has just taken off. It is great. He tries so hard to please me and God. I worry that he feels he cannot make a mistake and that is terrible. I need to start teaching him about the concept of grace. I want him to know that no matter what life brings him and the choices that he makes - God is there and God loves him. That goes for me, too. He is a great singer and loves to praise the Lord. He has a sense of taking care of younger kids (except Sadie) and constantly asks to work in the nursery. What a sweetie. He still loves to snuggle and need Mommy time. I will dread when that ends. He is crazed about Lego Star Wars computer game and legos in general. I wish he like to be outside more, but I plan on this being the summer of playing outside at the creek and making dams and forts, etc. He will start Upward Basketball in a couple of weeks. I look forward to seeing some physical activity as well. I wish that he was able to spend more time with Jay. Although they have their little scout deal, so I really shouldn't complain.
Sadie - We have come so far with Sadie. I can see such great strides. Her need for me seems to be so incredibly great at the moment. She almost goes crazy when I leave her at home to go out (when a babysitter is here). Even when Jay is at home she constantly tells me how much she loves me and comes crying to the door, etc. She has done really well at school since the Christmas break. Maybe she is better at controlling her impulsively. But, she is still quite manipulative and seems to derive much pleasure at controlling others, bragging and hurting others. I don't know why she cannot just be happy for others instead of looking at herself. She is very confident and loves to perform - mainly dance which she has made up herself. She has little rhythm, but that doesn't stop her. She loves make-up and hair stuff. Nothing can replace a pack of paper and markers. She is always making letters and cards and writing things down in a child's scribble. She is more than ready for kindergarten and I am looking forward to seeing what is in store. She is physically capable of more than most kids her age. She can jump rope, skimmy across those monkey bars, etc. She loves for someone to look her in the eyes and spend time talking to her, asking her questions and taking an interest in her. She love tea parties and she loves for me to ask her, "What do you need," in times of upset-ness. She was very, very grown-up at the doctor's for her 5-year check-up. Always interested in what they are doing, her tears were not many when the three shots came. Whew! She is our resident animal care-taker - feeding and watering the birds, Skippy (and litter) and Bo-Bo. The other day I found her grooming Skippy in her bathroom. This involved having him sit on her counter top which she wet a brush and brushed him. He actually took it - didn't try to escape. Amazing. She told me that it was the day for him to have that done - he gets it done twice a week. A vet job might be in her future. I just want her to learn about humility and obedience. It would help her to have a life that is fuller of joy.
Lily - She is learning about trying to get her way and has learned how to make a huge mess. She is, afterall, 2. Really, she is 2.5 which amazes me that she will be 3 soon. Where is the time going? She is really talking - lots of sentences, questions, etc. Amazingly, she knows her numbers 1-10, knows her alphabet at about 75%. She counts to ten, and loves to play. Let's play mommy, I hear all the time. She loves to read books, loves to play with play-do, color, puzzles. I am in the middle of cleaning out all the toys. Amazing how many she is past and are really just too baby for her. She loves school - my kool - as she says. She told me quiet means quiet the other day. She adores Grammy and Grand-d. She actually says hey to most people who look her way. Occasionally, she will act shy, but usually she is in a great mood. She likes to dance, listen to music. She sings the Clean up song from Barney - sings it as Keen-Kup, Keen-Kup. Very cute. Calls Skippy - kippy. Loves to play with Whitney. I never really hear her talk about other kids in her class. Only this week did I hear her tell me Noah when asked about what they did in class. She likes to get water out of the refrigerator dispenser which makes such a mess that we have to keep it on lock. She absolutely loves to go outside and play. She takes most directions well, but lately says no-way (not just no). She will hit sometimes I think just to see what the reaction will be. She likes to grab toys that Ethan and Sadie are playing with and run away with them. She knows it drives them crazy. She wants to be included in everything everyone else does, but she is just a little too young to do most of it. I put her in curlers tonight - she loved it. Her hair is so gorgeous she doesn't need it - thick, beautiful, blonde and perfect curls, but since Gray and Sadie were getting their done, she had to, too. I wish I had more time to spend with her and I try to sit and play for a while and then I find myself cleaning out toys while doing it. I have to stop that. She is a good eater but has really shot up and slimmed down. I need to go her weight checked, but I think she is doing fine. I have cut out a lot of the dairy and moved into more fruit.
I wish I could write more, but it is nearly 10 pm and I need to review my bible study one more time before tomorrow.