Dear Miss Three and a Half,
This letter is to inform you that you have been put on probation effective immediately.
This probation is due to the following violations:
Hitting your fellow co-workers
Persistent attitude of superiority, i.e. thinking that you know it all
Not open to correction
Running away when called for
Anger mismanagement, i.e. spitting and throwing yourself down on the floor
Inappropriate reaction to negative criticism, i.e. whining and crying
Belief that television must be on in order to get work completed
Not listening to management
Hiding from management when in public places, particularly in stores with clothing racks
Occasionally showing up at the work place in inappropriate work attire, i.e. stripping of all clothing
Intermittent lack of personal grooming, i.e smell of urine because of waiting too long to go to the potty
After repeated warnings, consider this your final notice. The next violation will result in either 1. being sentenced to your cubicle until you turn four in August at which point the management feels you will change this behavior or 2. being shipped back with your Oma to the Netherlands.