Eight Years and Three Months

Today is January 15, 2023.  It has been a while. Eight years and three months since my last post. I don't even know where to begin. I don't think I can except to say that every. single. thing. about my life since the last entry has changed.  Gone is that husband, the house, the homeschooling, and even having children at home. Nothing is the same. Many times I have thought about this blog as I processed huge life changes - full of all the pain, sadness, and loneliness as you can imagine in those years I first stopped writing. I have missed this creative outlet. 

I spent some time reading some unpublished posts from the 2014 -2015 years which was a tough exercise. As time has passed, I have been able to close that door to the destruction from being married to a narcissist for 16 years. Even as recently as a year ago, he was still working his destructive magic - spewing lies and hate and trying to control the truth. But that voice is now nothing more than the sound of a gnat quickly going by - easily swatted out of existence.  As I have worked to heal, to know truth, and realize who I am in this world - I can say that time (and great therapy) really does heal most wounds. 

A side note on the term narcissist...I know that is a popular psych term to throw around these days, mostly from those who read a few internet websites and believe they are now experts. It pains me to see these labels that do not come from professional, licensed therapists. Doing so makes this a common place behavior and diminishes the impact on real victims. Narcissism is unforgettable, and it is devastating to those who are in close relationship with one. Leaving these relationships are nearly impossible as the narcissist will not give up control easily. I cannot recommend more strongly to NOT make this diagnosis without the help of a licensed, educated mental behavior expert. To set the record straight, in my case, this was a diagnosis made by two separate licensed counselors that met with my and my former husband.  

So where am I now?

I am remarried. God brought an amazing man into my life who cherishes me, celebrates me, adores me. And I feel equally (really more) enamored of him. I often say that I hope I die before him as I know I will not be able to life life with out him. We are truly each other's helpmates  - supporting and cheering each other in our dreams and pursuits and equally sharing in all the burdens and tasks of life. We make a decent pair on the pickleball court, too!

Our 6 years have been full of highlights, lowlights, death and life, of parenting a blended family of 5 kids, 3 dogs, 1 cat, and some chickens.  We have sold 2 houses, rented one, and completely renovated another. We have lost 3 of our 4 parents and worked through grief in all the classic and non-classic ways. We have made it through 5 high school graduations, and 2 college graduations (hopefully more to come) and what I will term as just about every tough situation you can possibly deal with while parenting teens. Not exaggerating here.  

I graduated with my Masters in Training & Development and closed our homeschool when the kids were around late middle school and high school. I began outside the home work as a business consultant and now have worked my way up in a sales training company to VP in client engagement (fully remote so back at home!). For the large part of 16 years, I was treated as if I were not worth the space I occupied in this world and told over and over that I would never complete my degree, let alone be successful. Through God's strength and His gifts I have gone from homeschooling mom who doubted she had much to give the world to a well-respected professional in a global organization.  

My husband and I have spent the last 6 years visiting and rotating through 9 churches only to arrive back where we started this past fall. It was a frustrating 5 years of wandering in the desert as we tried to make a new start in a new church among people who only knew us as "us." We yearned for new connections, to get involved, and waited on God to bring us to a place of being settled. Our experiences ranged from the strange to the hilarious which may end up in a post down the road. In the end, though we aren't the same people we were when we left the church 5 years ago and neither is that church. I should say "our" church because that is what it is again...our church. God uses all things to grow us and our journey was what God needed us to experience. It definitely caused Chuck and I to talk about matters of the heart and rely on each other in prayer and learning as we were not connected to God's church body as He intended.

Where does this blog go from here?

These pages won't be filled with the cute and funny antics of parenting small children or lessons from God in the homeschool and stay-at-home mom front.  Our children are all adults and as such they really deserve their privacy.

This blog will be about living out the second half of my life. It may have some posts of things that I have learned or processed in the past that I am reminded of in the present. There will be posts of plans and dreams. There will be posts of how I transitioned from a place of not feeling valued to finding value in my husband, then to work accomplishments, to working on keeping that solely focused on God.  Maybe I will throw in a post or two of the realization of what aging is - hello hot flashes, two pounds gained from one bite of cake, odd aches and pains, and the over all body sag that seems to compound daily. I imagine there will be some posts about empty-nesting and the excitement about exploring our shared hobbies - you know the continual delight I have in my husband. Did I mention pickleball?

It will be space for me to document the deep gratitude I have for my life, the little and the big things, the hard, soul-plowing events and moments of awe, and the way that God weaves through it all. 

Today is January 15, 2023.  Eights years and three months. Planning on it not being so long next time. 

Teaching from a State of Rest

 Four years of homeschooling and I am burnt out.  I am tired of the planning, the workbooks, the memorized lists, the lack of motivation, the cheerleading to overcome the lack of motivation, the weight of the responsibility, the guilt when I know it hasn't been a great learning day, the comparison to others, the panic of the future, the test score freak-out, and did I mention the planning?  

Why did I let myself fall into this disastrous and hopeless state? I could say that I got caught up in performance - by me, by the kids. Meaning, my eyes focused on the achievement and result. 

Or, that I didn't have enough down time away from the kids to refuel. Meaning, my eyes focused only on my kids. 

Or, maybe that this trip down homeschooling lane has simply out run its course and is over.  Meaning, my eyes were weary from too much strain and carrying the load alone.

I attended the NC Home Educator's conference this week.  There were so many fascinating and engaging speakers during this conference, it was difficult to choose which sessions to attend.  However, one speaker had the title, "Teaching from a State of Rest."  That was an easy decision.  Checked and circled.  And, this is what I heard:

Exodus 3

Now Moses was tending the flock of Jethro his father-in-law, the priest of Midian, and he led the flock to the far side of the wilderness and came to Horeb, the mountain of God.2 There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up. 3 So Moses thought, “I will go over and see this strange sight—why the bush does not burn up.” 4 When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush,“Moses! Moses!” And Moses said, “Here I am.”

What does this possibly have to do with homeschooling from a state of rest?  All I see is Moses working and becoming distracted!

Note the following:

Moses is tending a flock.  Not just any flock, but the flock of his father-in-law.  And, his father-in-law was also the priest of Midian, so most likely the sheep were earmarked for sacrifice.  Obviously, Moses's job was hefty with a load of responsibility.  The entire tribe rested on his ability to keep the sheep safe.  I can imagine the amount of stress Moses must have had from knowing this.  All the success was on his shoulders.

And then, Moses turns away from the flock, doesn't he?  He goes over to look at something else.  Wait!  What?!?!  Moses, you are neglecting your duties, you are not keeping the sheep safe.  You are letting everyone in the tribe down!

Now notice that when the LORD saw Moses had turned to look at Him (the burning bush), God called him.  Why did God decide , at that moment, to call on Moses?  The answer is because Moses had turned his eyes to God.  Who was tending the sheep then?  God.  Who was keeping them safe?  God.  Who was ensuring a level of success for the sheep that was completely acceptable no matter what the level?  God.

My vision has been off.  I have not held the correct purpose of home educating my kids for quite some time.  For at least the past year, if not longer, homeschooling has been about performance, production, and protection.  I put all the weight of achieving my self-created goals on my own effort and strength.  I lost sight of when I have been my most successful at this endeavor and it certainly wasn't this past year.  Sure, I desire to see my kids get into the college of their choice, but is that really up to me? No, it is up to God. And if I am really honest with myself, how their college journey looks is not important to the health of their souls.

If my focus is on God, then He will take care of my sheep.  He will protect them, guide, them and give them the right type of success that will be completely acceptable to them and most importantly, acceptable to God.

By shifting my gaze, I am no longer be operating from a state of anxiety and abstractness.  By shifting my gaze, I replace statistics and performance with wisdom.  I replace rules and expectations with virtue.  And, I replace control with faith.   

I will focus on training these three souls in my care that they may discover and perceive God's truth because the very well-being of their souls depends on it.  I will do that by having my eyes fixed firmly on God and thus, showing them Jesus.  Lord, forgive me for straying from you and taking this burden on my own shoulders.

Note:  A thank you to Andrew Kern, author of The Lost Tools of Writing, and founder of the Circe Institute for inspiring these thoughts.

7

I am in the middle of re-reading portions of the book, 7.  Rocking my world with every word.  Lest you be confused, this is not related to the Brad Pitt - dark and rainy during the entire thing - seven deadly sins - scarred me for life - wish I had never seen it movie by the same name.  This book by Jan Hatmaker reads like every battle I have waged over the past year with where and how I am in my life.  Whew!  Now I am trying to view and morph some of her revelations into my own life.

Just off the surface I thought about how freeing it would be to get rid of all of my scrapbooking materials.  I mean, I love doing that cutting paper and preserving memories stuff, but I just don't have time to do it anymore.  I need simplicity, not the guilt of money spent and wasting away in my basement.  I need an easier way to have memories on display to enjoy not holed up in books that are forgotten on a shelf.   Thinking very, very hard about this one because a few times a year this stuff comes in quite handy, but wouldn't it bring in a lot more joy to not have it at all?

A book I highly recommend...though it is not for the faint of heart.

Da da da da da da da....feeling lousy

I received a text this week.  It said, "Blog, please." I have been engrossed in too many things lately, none of which involved anything remotely with exercising one of my personal delights - writing.  In fact, I had just about given it up to be honest.  At one time, I felt stressed and burdened about continuing this thread of musings and memory documentation.  Stress and burdened about something that I find personal enjoyment in....what is wrong here?

This is not my typical entry in that it has nothing to do with my kids or homeschooling.  It has everything to do with me.  It is a completely self-focused and whiny post and I will apologize for that up front. Go ahead and move your mouse up to the right side of your screen and click on the "X" located now as I don't need any judgement after you read.

I feel lousy.  I have been feeling lousy for several weeks.  In fact, I would dare say that I have been feeling on and off like k-rap for over a year now.  It is such a ridiculous set of symptoms that I figure they cannot all be related and add up to nothing.  I have these ridiculous headaches that come and go for no apparent reason.  Not up to the pain of migraines, they land in both my eyes, or rather right behind my eyes.  It makes me want to claw my eyes out from the pressure.  Sometimes I feel the pain in the upper part of my cheek bones and occasionally, it is in the bones above my eyes.  I have had a CT done of my sinus cavity - nothing.  I have been to the eye doctor after which I spent as much as I did on rent for my first apartment for new glasses (progressives, no doubt).  I still have the headaches, but at least I can see.  I have tracked weather patterns, I have tried watching my blood sugar and eating more protein.  I have not tried B vitamins, but have heard that helps.  I just want them to end their random hauntings in my head.

Next, I have lower abdominal pain as in way low in the abdomen.  This can feel like cramping, and is often associated with lower back pain. Occasionally, it is really really painful (let's make it a 7 with child labor a 10) and it makes me so irritable that it is an automatic response from my kids to ask, "Are you having stomach pain."  No one wants to be around me....I don't want to be around me. I feel like I have to urinate almost all the time - no burning, just tingle tingle tingle.  I cannot sneeze or cough without clinching as to not let anything "escape" and then end with a trip to my closet to "change clothing" which I know has more to do with birthing 3 large headed children, but golly that is getting worse.  I have had a CT done, a pelvic ultrasound, met with my primary doctor and urologist.  Nothing - no kidney stones or blockage, although I do believe in an early diagnosis of urinary retention.  Possibly ovarian cysts, possibly urinary spams (which I am too young for), but nothing to help.  As I sit here and type the excessive pressure and heavy feeling is very uncomfortable and I have random cramps in very pinpointed areas on both sides of my abdomen.

I have an huge uptick of indigestion - belch city.  Seriously, I never used to burp...now it is a constant. I also have mid-abdominal pain creeping up  along with this burping and belching.  What is up with that?! I am EXHAUSTED all the time.  At least once a month I have several days of a sore throat and body aches that would lend itself to some sort of virus, but I never develop a fever.

So what am I to do?  When you feel like poop and you are exhausted, the last thing you want to think about is the effort to change your diet.  I know that is part of the answer.  I have been off the band wagon of healthy eating for a while.  Although I haven't ballooned up weight-wise, I know that counting coffee as my breakfast is not smart.  However, I do love homemade chocolate chip cookies with a cup of coffee in the morning - such bliss.

There is a point in time where you believe that your only choice is to "will" yourself to be better. That is where I am. Time to kick this pseudo-hypochondriac to the curb. I refuse to give in to it and will fight this with the only things I have...my kitchen (food) and my bed (sleep).  With that, I am going to bed.  May tomorrow bring a healthier me.

A Snipit of a Year

Hello old friend.  You know when it has been a long time since you visited your blog?  When you have to go through the steps to reset the login and password because you have completely forgotten them.  I have a couple of standard logins and passwords, but since some merger of blogger a year or so ago I had to reset some things about the time I abandoned this blog.  Anything I don't use on a regular basis gets completely forgotten, as that is what happens when you get old.

I had lunch with one of the encouragers of my blog writing this past week.  I have been pondering my (noted-by-her) absence and thought I would open it up again and see what happens.  It has been over a year.  Wow.

What went on over the past year that did not lead me to capturing it with words on a screen?  One big reason?  Homeschooling three children.  Last fall was the most challenging and overwhelming season. Period.  I often said that it possibly eclipsed losing my sister to breast cancer.  I know. That is a pretty heavy statement.  However, her death was shrouded in HOPE.  There appeared to be no hope in my homeschooling. Several factors played into this spiraling of despair, the daily doom, the Krazy Town that existed up in the bonus room at Johnson Road, but listing them here sounds whining and pathetic. Admittedly, most were due to my own overscheduling, launching into a new program with out much understanding of it, and frankly, issues with controlling the behavioral chaos of my children.

My absence can also be contributed to this fact: As your children grow older there are less "cute and endearing" tidbits to capture and more "I want to lock my children in a closet and throw away the key" moments.  Hormones unleashed their ugliness in full effect in the Dumoulin house this year.  Had I written, I would have had entry after entry entitled, "Epic Eye-rolling" or "Why I Want to Run Away" or "Can I Find Something to Love About Them Today."  Lest I forget the day when Jay came home for lunch and found me one step away from lying in a fetal position on the floor in a pool of my own drool.  He dragged me into the bedroom and said, "You have GOT to pull yourself together! You are stronger and wiser than them.  What have they turned you into?" A hot mess, I tell ya.

Despite all of this, we did have some successes this year on the schooling front.  I can't write the entire year off to my own "personal growth."  Ultimately, Ethan's foray into homeschooling led him to say in April, "I love homeschooling.  I love my friends and where I am.  I want to homeschool all the way through high school."  I may have died a little inside at that moment, but hopefully, God will restore that part when I need it.  He made tremendous strides in expository writing and has a solid basic understanding of Latin, World Geography, and finished Pre-Algebra, among other subjects.  End of year test scores were their highest ever, so God-willing, we will continue down this track.  Someone told me that when hormones arrive that brain cells decline.  A story to illustrate this point:  One of the kids' swim coaches was suppose to leave around the first of the year.  The kids were all very sad because he was and still is a favorite.  It was about the time of his departure and Ethan asked me one morning, "Is this Morgan's last day? It is so sad he is leaving"  I wasn't so sure so I sent the coach a message.  The reply was that he would continue on through at least the remaining school year.  So relieved Ethan was.  Around lunch time Ethan made the statement, "Mom, it is such a shame Morgan is leaving."  I looked at him blankly and said, "Ethan. Remember?"  With a sheepish grin, Ethan replied, "Oh yeah."  Later that afternoon on the SAME DAY, when I DROPPED THE GIRLS OFF AT THE POOL, Ethan looked over from the front seat of the car and I KID YOU NOT said, "I hate that Morgan is leaving."  At this point, I threw my hands up in the air and just said, "Son!"  Ethan replied, "What?"  Honestly.

Lily Lou continues to extol the virtues of a math-driven life.  She has decided she wants to be a math teacher. That statement is so completely confounding to me it sounds like she is speaking a foreign language.  This is an interesting note to put in your back pocket in case this happens to anyone you know in the future:  Lily's first round of testing showed a 30-40% drop across the board in her scores.  Yes, I had a meltdown when they arrived.  I spoke with another testing source and she told me that the most common reason for this was that a child needed glasses.  DING! DING! DING!  Lily lost her glasses the week of our testing.  I know it seems so obvious and as my mom said, 'Well, I wouldn't have even let her take the test if she didn't have her glasses."  However, at the end of April, testing meant the year was basically over and nothing was going to stop me from reaching that milestone. Frankly, just getting them to the test on time for three days was heroic; I didn't have time to think about missing glasses.  Regardless, I had her retested a couple of weeks ago and we are back up to speed.  Whew! We often say that Lily just sort of floats through life, seemingly unaware of all that goes on around her.  I now know that word "seemingly" is false.  Her proctor explained that Lily is acutely cognizant of her environment. Basically, she picks up on everything we say and do which is a little frightening.  My never-ending concerns about her auditory processing, her inability to flourish in creative writing, and her apathy to reading anything without pictures will be my driving concerns, but comparatively speaking, she is ahead of the game.

It was a year of many new things for Sadie, including a new Essentials class for writing and grammar, decreasing extra-curricular classes, and trying medication.  That last mention is a weighty weight issue with so much history and wrestling and struggling.  I could write volumes about it, but in the end when your child cries, begs, and says, "Why did God make me this way?" and you know there is something out there that would drastically change their existence in this world and you have tried every. single. other. option. and denied them this something based on fear, parental snobbery, and inaccurate biblical interpretation...I realized I WAS WRONG.  Life did change drastically halfway through the year because of this change.  We still struggle and still wrestle, but not quite to the level we did before.  The Himalayan Mountains and the Grand Canyon valleys of behaviors have transformed themselves to become the speed bumps and street side ditches.  It is a much smoother ride with such breaks in between the madness of it all that we, Sadie and I, have a bit more energy to tackle those peaks and valleys.  She moves through her school work with relatively ease, only protesting when it actually takes her time to complete it because it challenges her or  appears to be busy work.. Her latest scheme is to become a heart surgeon, because she wants to have enough money to have all the animals she wants.  No surprises there.  Although one wonders why she doesn't just desire to be a vet.

As far as me...well, I continue to play on a tennis team which didn't really work schedule-wise with homeschooling, but I insisted on making it happen. Some days the stress nearly pushed me over the edge, yet the work-out lowered the stress, so maybe it evened out in the end.  What I lost in days/weeks/years from the stress of this year was offset by the benefits of the exercise from tennis playing.  No gains - no losses.  I will take that as a win.

 Jay had another heart issue this February which landed him back in the hospital for another stent.  I write that like it was no big deal, which I guess it really wasn't since they did the procedure that morning and he came home the SAME DAY.  However, at the time, he couldn't walk up the stairs with out feeling chest pains. It took three days to see the doctor and schedule the procedure all the while I constantly was ready to spring into 911 action with my phone.  Just a little edgy week there. 

Many, many days I questioned why in the world was I homeschooling. Just like I am sure you are while reading this.  When I think back over this year and remember those Mondays when I would drop the kids off at LIFE classes and meet some friends for lunch it comes with such heaviness.  I would arrive at the restaurant beaten up, broken down, emotionally spent with a sprinkling of depression.  Yet, there was never a time when I doubted that this was what I was supposed to be doing. Strange, I know.  I shored myself up over Christmas, lightened our extra-activities load, revised our school schedule and marched forward.  I began to see more light-hearted moments and classic learning AHAs! that I now cherish from this year.  Holding closely to those memories and knowing without a doubt that THIS is where God has put me, I will plow forward next year,  prodding along my 8th, 6th, and 4th grader with me.

The truth...

We have spent the past week doing test preparation. Our test is not until May and our preparation is not driven by it. However, I have found that the test prep books are a good way to see where I might have dropped the ball on subjects covered. So far, I can say we are in great shape. I did notice Lily needs to learn the difference between fiction, non-fiction, and biography. She also needs to be taught where to find certain information - an encyclopedia, atlas, almanac, newspaper. Although I think using encyclopedia is a little dated considering Brittanica is no longer publishing theirs. Lily promptly answered, "The Internet," when I asked her where she would look to write a report about turtles.  Can I really argue with that?

Lily-isms

Lily came into the bathroom where I was getting ready for the day.  She had chosen an outfit that looked good and shoes that were cute, just not together.  I tried to explain to her that they didn't exactly match and why.  Visualize large purple and light blue dotted outfit and hot pink small polka dotted shoes.  Her response, "Mom, its not about the shoes, its about the attitude."  I let her wear what she wanted.

Odds & Ends

Two times in as many days someone has referred to my Sadie as having a Tatum O'Neal look going.  I believe one said the Paper Moon/Bad News Bears time period, not her adult cocaine days (whew!).  I think it must be the reemergence of freckles on her face from being in the spring sun.  I checked it out on google images and well, maybe it is her Doppelganger? 

Lily is obsessed with caterpillars.  Always finding them, naming them, and trying to keep them alive while they inch along her arm, or leg, or even along her glasses.  They are her friends and anytime she finds one, she doesn't stop smiling.

I took the girls to an Anatomy seminar this morning.  It was very well done class conducted by a group of high school homeschoolers who had recently completed their Anatomy class.  I was quite impressed by their communication and presentation skills (just another notch in the homeschools are not anti-social column).  Sadie would not relent on her request to take a certain item home with her.  No one else in attendance requested anything, nor went home with any of the "props."  Actually, I should go ask her right now where the said item is...a pig's heart in a ziploc bag.  That is definitely one thing I don't want left in my car.  I have no idea what she is going to do with it.  Scary.

On a recent trip to Pawley's Island with friends, Ethan chose to dive into a hammock resting above a deck.  Not knowing the full measure of his strength, he overshot the entire hammock, landing full-force on his face.  Ouch!  Lovely scrape-type burn running form his forehead to below his mouth.  Other than that, it was a really delightful trip.  Well, Lily did run a fever for a couple of days.  I chalk that one up to my ridiculous kids who at 9 AM were chest-deep in the ocean. In the mid-Atlantic. In April.  Very cold.

Ethan is trying very hard to learn how to whistle.  Trying to teach someone to whistle ranks up there with teaching Passive English or Singing/Voice to those tone-deaf.  I keep trying to tell him where to place his tongue, where to position his teeth, cheeks, how to blow...and then, we heard it.  It was the slightest, faintest of chirps, but he did it.  His eyes grew about ten times, but he did not break the his mouth position.  Unfortunately, we did not hear it again on our ride home, but I am sure the practice has not ended.  He has wet his whistle!

Lily has been very funny with the one-liners lately.  For example, Ethan ended a little school relationship a couple of weeks ago.  When he announced it in the car, Lily piped up and went, "Womp, womp, womp.  Game over."  She is also getting very screechy and a little sassy, but that is for another blog entry.  She also loves playing with younger kids.  She does seem younger than her 7 years sometimes.  Academically, she is ahead of the game, but socially, she does not necessarily have street-smarts.  Of course, I shouldn't worry as she does have Sadie to teach her the ways.

Springtime Joy

It is springtime which is the signal of many things in the Dumoulin house - the start of our garden, the collection of many critters who now reside in our "backporch zoo," late dinners due to outdoor play, a desire for our typical routine and schedule to change. I am antsy for the school year to end which makes it doubly hard to hunker down and complete our daily academic tasks.
Sadie's make-shift reptile and insect zoo has come to life again, her various collection of old tupperware containers, aquarium tank, and even empty glass bottles scattered along the porch. Currently we have a worm snake, tadpoles, a large frog, and an Eastern Fence lizard.  Last night, I had to call her in from down the driveway.  She arrived red bucket in hand, muddy boots, her hair slightly matted to her head - a mixture of an earlier swim practice and sweat from her activity.  She arrived with a joy in her soul that there were an unbelievable amount of frogs and tadpoles down in the little water pools created from the recent rains.  How she loves to be in the world exploring.

For me the yard beckons to be tidied up from its winter doldrums.  The birds began chirping in early March and we have enjoyed watching and documenting the transient birds that make their way to our feeders and bird houses. Our little garden patch overgrown with weeds and a few leftovers from last season needs to be cleaned up and tilled.  I almost feel the outdoors whispering our names each day to abandon what keeps us inside and run carefree and wild in its offerings.  Hard to resist.

Chef Sadie

Sadie made her first casserole, Chicken Divan, completely from scratch last night. After reviewing the recipe and instructions with her, I went out side to muck some chicken coops. After an appropriate length of time had passed, she announced that it was in the oven. After finishing up our "farm duties" we went inside to eat dinner. I have to say that it was the BEST casserole I have ever had. I am not a huge fan of casseroles with all of their fatty creamy sauces.  Actually, I am a fan, but struggle knowing it is not often healthy.  Maybe I enjoyed the dinner because I did not have to cook it. Or, maybe it was that it came from Sadie's heart. 
She has always enjoyed messing around in the kitchen.  She easily whips up brownies, cookies, and cakes from mixes and can be found cooking eggs for her siblings on the weekends.  However, this was her first from scratch entree.  Boiling and cubing the chicken, cooking the broccoli, and mixing the remaining ingredients were part of this process.  She was pretty pleased at the way it turned out.  I enjoyed "discussing" the lessons learned while she cooked, like the fact that it seemed to have too much creamy goodness in it and how to remedy that.  I imagine it will not be the last dinner we enjoy by Chef Sadie.

We made the leap into the poultry world in November.  I have become...a chicken farmer.  The idea was to get 4-5 hens and maybe one rooster to learn about life, responsibility and for a little fun. It is not surprising that Sadie was the initiator of this adventure. As I type this we have about 40 chickens in our backyard.  Yes, 40!  I came home one Saturday afternoon in early January to the announcement by Jay and Sadie that we should expect 35 day-old chicks at the end of the month.  I was not a part of this decision, though I am certainly responsible for making sure they receive proper care.  I have learned not to be bitter about that fact. 

Honestly, it has been a great "hobby."  We have learned a tremendous amount about life - how it comes to be and how it can quickly and unexpectedly end, particularly with the loss of our sweet Iris.  We have learned a lot about how hard and time consuming farm life must be as we have only experienced it on a tiny level.  It takes about 2 hours to clean out and replenish the coops which we do weekly.  We also feed and water daily along with throwing out scraps, chicken grit, and occasional corn.  We have also learned about the intricacies of God's design in His creation. The process by which chicks are brought into this world is fascinating and it is amazing to me all of the pieces that come together to make it happen - daylight, temperature, timing.  Although this might sound a bit hokey, it is actually entertaining to watch the chickens when we have them free-ranging in the yard.  Some of them have distinct personalities like our group of Polish ladies who are always curious. Others, like our Silkies, who are sweet and docile, are not the smartest chickens on the block. It is pretty hilarious when one chicken finds a worm and all the rest go crazy trying to get it out of the mouth of the finder. 

Our current breed selection include:  Silkies (a chicken with black skin - google an image for a picture of the black skin.  It looks a little creepy), White and Silver-crested Polish chickens, Wyandottes, and Crevecoeurs.  We also have 4 Giants and 4 Red-Star Roosters.  We also have a "mystery" chicken that was sent to us as a bonus.  We think he is either a Americuana or a Buff-Laced Wyandotte.

We have names only for the Crevecoeurs (Bob and Brenda) because they were our first chickens and are endangered.  We also have a name for our Polish Rooster, Fred.  Fred has gone a little kooky since his original mate died and he had to be separated from Bob due to fighting.  His group of ladies are not quite old enough to be in his same coop, but I hope once they are, he will calm down.  Currently, he does a lot of prancing around and crowing and displays signs of haughtiness.  He still allows Sadie to pick him up and carry him around like a baby on his back, so at least no pecking has begun.
Lily likes to create these funny names for the chickens.  She has named one Mrs. High Places because she perched up on the highest corner of the coop.  Other chicken names include Florida and Dudlette Do-Wrong, Cooper (short for Coppernicus), and Bob Junior.

Only Brenda, our lone Crevecoeur, is laying.  The others should be ready in another month or so.  She lays about 1 a day.  We are letting her keep her eggs in hopes she will become broody and want to sit on them.  Time will tell.  Eventually, we should get about 20 or 30 eggs a day.  Our plan is to sell what we can and donate the rest to the Open Door Shelter.

On these warm spring evenings after Jay has returned home, we will get a drink and sit in some lawn chairs down by the coop watching our flock free-range around the yard.  There is a bizarre sense of peace down there amidst the clucking and cooing.  I never thought I would find contentment in that.

Images (top to bottom): Silver-crested Polish hen, White-crested Polish hen, Crevecoeur rooster, Silkies, Silver-laced Wyandotte

Our Typical Week...

For those considering more seriously about homeschooling, here is an idea of how our week typically runs.  We spend the core of our day doing our Language Arts and Math block, opting to tackle this first.  The girls have learned that when that is completed, they are allowed a break. Then we reconvene to complete science, history, geography, and bible.  After our "formal" homeschooling is over, the girls practice piano and spend at least 30 minutes a day reading and completing chores.  In a perfect world, all of this is completed before we collect Ethan at 2:45.  Not every day is a perfect homeschool day; life gets in the way, and sometimes you need to just bag it in order to get a piling to-do list complete.  Typically we start around 8:30, sometime at 8, sometimes at 9.  We usually finish the core at 10:30 and complete the rest before 1.
Monday:
Language Arts, Math, and Bible until 11.  Girls pack their bags, eat lunch and we head out to HPHE for classes that begin at noon.  This semester, Sadie is taking Dance, Drama, Electricity and Magnetism, Rockin' recorders.  Lily is taking Math Logic, a 3-5 grade Language Arts class, Dance, and Young Illustrators.  Typically, I don't use HPHE for core classes.  I like to control that myself.  However, we are using the Language Arts class for Lily for exposure and re-enforcement..
Tuesday:
Full day of subjects:  Language Arts, Math, Science, Geography, History and Bible
Wednesday: 
Full day of subjects:  Language Arts, Math, Science, Geography, History and Bible

Thursday:
Language Arts and Math, Leave house at 10:30 to take Sadie to do Latin with my mom.  Sadie then goes to piano and I meet her later for Lily to have her piano lesson.

Friday:
Full day of subjects: Language Arts, Math, Science, Geography, History and Bible

Under Language Arts, I include a mix and variation of grammar, writing, spelling, vocabulary, and reading comprehension, and handwriting (for Lily only). 

They complete Language Arts, Math, and Bible individually.  We work on Geography, History, and Science together.

For science we completed Apologia's Astronomy book and have now moved on to some basic Biology, Chemistry, and weather. 

Our history is A Story of the World.  The girls follow along in their books while a CD plays.  They must answer questions, complete map work, and often have art projects that go along with their history.

We began the year working on World Geography.  We have made our way through Australia, Antarctica, Africa, South America, landing in North America in January.  We are now working on the 50 states, spending time learning something about each one.  Sometime in late March we will move to Europe and then Asia.  The curriculum I am using is great because it is a multi-year book, meaning each year you can drill down a little deeper (history, religion of the regions, etc.) while still using the same book.

Sadie and Lily also have some brain teaser books that they do just for fun and to help mix things up.
I have been told be several teachers that I am doing way, way more than necessary.  However, I stress a bit if the girls are getting what they need.  I think that is normal.  My main focus is if they are reading and writing enough.  We are spending a week in early March doing only that - reading and writing.  Next year, I will probably block out more time in the day for just those two things.  Then again, it is only February, the year is not over and I can still revamp to include more.

Homeschool 101

Lately, I have fielded an enormous amounts of inquiries regarding homeschooling.  Understandably, it is that time of year when most private schools asks parents to make re-enrollment decisions. Other parents begin asking themselves if their child is in the best environment possible.  It is my opinion that twice a year, parents should evaluate what their child is learning and where their child spends 7-9 hours a day.   

There are nearly as many ways to homeschool as there are individual families.  That is the #1 reason most people will say they have chosen to homeschool - flexibility and freedom.  The flexibility and freedom comes from choosing the topics you will cover, how you will cover it, the pace in which you do so, the methods you choose, where you educate your children, and the schedule you keep.  The ability to speed up when your child is excelling and slow down when they are struggling makes learning less stressful on everyone.  Taking an impromptu field trip when the natives are getting restless or tired of the same routine is a joy.  Seeing your child discover a love for an extra-curricular activity because you have more time to explore it is another advantage.  Simply spending more time with your children develops your relationship with them - a true blessing while they are young.

Knowing a bit about how your kids learn and the subjects and topics they tend to enjoy covering are some of the first things you want to consider.  Are they auditory, visual or kinesthetic learners?  Are they very social?  Do they enjoy hands-on activities or do they prefer to spend time reading on their own?  If they are old enough, ask them their thoughts. What would they like to learn?  How do they see homeschool working out for them? 

Understanding your own strengths and weaknesses as a parent is another consideration.  Are you a
type-A planner or do you tend to procrastinate?  Do you want to be hands on, or are you more willing to check on progress, but not actually do the teaching?  Do you have the time and drive to spend on this endeavor.  While I know homeschoolers who work full-time, I know this cannot be the ideal when children are young and dependent in their learning. I tend to be an eclectic homeschooler.  This means that have picked individual curricula for each subject area, yet I stick to a structured and quite planned out schedule with my girls.

If you have made it this far, I suggest visiting your local library for books on homeschooling.  One I read early on was, So You Are Thinking About Homeschooling, by Lesa Welchel.  It is a quick look at how fifteen different families go about homeschooling.  It was eye-opening as to the various schools of thought on educating children.

Legal Issues:
Did you know that there are over 50,000 children homeschooled in NC?  Due to this, NC is fairly organized with their homeschool policies.  They set some very simple rules and for the rest, leave you alone.  There are only three things that North Carolina requires:
1.  Register your school with the state.  The link to do so is here: www.ncdnpe.org
2.  Keep an attendance record
3.  Take an end of the year standardized test.  The list of approved tests is on the above website and most homeschool groups offer this to its members.  You can also administer some of these tests yourself, while others opt to go to private testing centers.  You are not required to submit these test scores to the state, but you must have them available if requested.
They do state they have the option for a "drop-in" visit to check on your homeschool, but I have yet to meet anyone who has actually had this done.

State and Local Support Groups:
Here is where you can get a wealth of information, ask questions, find co-ops, playgroups, classes, hobby clubs, and sports opportunities.

North Carolina Home Educators is our state's main support group.  They also host the annual three-day conference in Winston-Salem around the end of May.  It includes many, many workshops and seminars with a book fair that will overwhelm you.  They also host a graduation exercise, cotillion-styled dance, and an all-star basketball game for girls and boys during this conference. 

High Point Home Educators:  Like most local groups, you must join in order to participate in their discussions, post discussions and to take classes.  HPHE offers classes on Mondays ranging from core classes (reading, math, etc.) to dance, drama, lego physics, cake decorating, sign language, etc.  Classes run a semester in length and course selection varies each time as well.  You can pay for one or up to 4 classes.  They also offer field trips, occasional parties, field day, sports teams for middle school and up, and spirit days.  They have a end-of-the-year Showcase while affords the kids to perform what they have learned on stage and display art projects. 

Other groups include:
Classical Conversations.  To quote their website, "Classical Conversations" programs model the three stages of classical learning—grammar, dialectic, and rhetoric. Using age appropriate methods, children are taught the tools for studying any subject.  The Classical model emphasizes mastery of facts during the early years. This gives students a foundation on which to build later learning and a solid framework where ideas can be categorized and compared as students mature. (For more information on the classical education model, read Dorothy Sayers’ essay The Lost Tools of Learning.)
Classical Conversation groups meets once a week with a lead tutor and then complete all assignments on their own throughout the rest of the week.  Groups are located in Thomasville, Greensboro, and Kernersville.
 
FAITH Academy:Greensboror.  Contact Kathy Long at kl1020@aol.com for more information.

EMMA classes:  Another group that offers classes once a week in Greensboro.  This is a fairly large group that offers a wide selection of classes, including AP classes for high schoolers. For more information, contact Hayley Saffer, Registration Coordinator, at resourceclasses@yahoo.com
Piedmont Homeschoolers has a yahoo group which keeps people fairly informed of resources and opportunities.  I'll let you google some of these groups yourself.

Forsyth Home Educators and Greensboro Home Educators are strong groups that offer a wide variety of sports teams for middle and high school. 

Check with your local YMCA as they usually offer P.E. classes.  Nearly every sports organization also offers homeschool classes throughout the day, too.

Curriculum:
I would take a look at Cath Duffy's 100 Top Picks for Homeschool Curriculum: Choosing the Right Curriculum and Approach for Your Child's Learning Style.  She has already weeded out a lot of material that might not be up to snuff and reviewed the rest.  She also has a comparison chart listing how much time is needed by the instructor, to what type of child would do well with the way the materials are done.  She also has a website, but I believe that it is overwhelming unless you know what you are looking for.
I buy our books from several sources:  Amazon, Rainbow Resources (which carries everything with  great customer service people who will answer all your questions, and has a huge catalogue which you can request), and straight from the manufacturer when I can't find it elsewhere.  I have also bought materials at the homeschool conference and at a bookstore in Winston-Salem called Guillions.  They have a used section of books, will buy back books for credit, and the ladies there are wonderful.

I also use the following book for reference when charting our course for the year:  The Well-Trained Mind:  A Guide to Classical Education at Home by Susan Wise Bauer.  Her program is not for the faint of heart.  It is rigorous, but results are very well-rounded children with superior writing skills.

Finally, there is a tremendous trend in online classes of varying levels.  I do not have much experience with these.  It is my plan to investigate them quite thoroughly this summer.  I understand they can be pricey, but also allow your child to take some pretty advanced or specialized classes.

As your child enters high school, many community colleges offer classes.  The result of which means your child can earn credit hours for college while still in high school.

Final Notes:
You will find that the majority of homeschoolers are Christians.  Therefore, most groups reflect these beliefs and promote them as well.  There are secular homeschool groups, but you will need to do some research to connect.

We decided to homeschool when our middle child was struggling with behavior in school.  She is extremely bright, yet very active and impulsive.  My relationship with her was broken and I knew that if we continued down our current choice, we would never be able to repair it. We opted not to put her on medication and brought her home to see what we might accomplish here.  Now, she is able to sit how she wants, get up from her chair for a break when she needs, explore areas that captivate her attention, like raising chickens, and has thrived in this environment.  This year we brought home our youngest daughter.  She is a logic-driven, math whiz and she has been able to move through at her own pace, recently completing 2nd grade math in February.  Yet, we are able to take time with handwriting and other activities that involve fine motor skills, an area in which she struggles. The girls are each performing at least a grade above what they should be and sometimes even two grade levels above.  More importantly, I know that the over-all tension in our house has decreased, the amount of arguing has diminished, yet the trust level and respect has increased.

Homeschool is a journey.  Some days you will feel that you could win Teacher of the Year, and other days you will want to drop off your children at the nearest school doorstep and squall away.  Some days you will feel like you were always meant to do this, yet on others you will wonder why in the world you chose this torture.  There are days where I really, really don't like my children.  I think you have those days even when you aren't homeschooling!  As you journey along, however, the better days will out number the not-so-good days.  You learn how to switch things up to keep it fresh and enjoyable for everyone.

Recently, I read an acceptance speech given by John Taylor Gatto, New York State Teacher of the Year, 1991, entitled, "The Six-Lesson Schoolteacher."  It is a very critical and thought-provoking look at the institution of school.  If my kids gain nothing else in homeschool, I want them to develop the joy of learning and desire to be life-long learners.

Good  luck on your decision-making process!

Life lessons from my 30s

I have had a couple of days to come down off my birthday project high. It has given me some time to reflect on two eventful days that nearly collide together each year, my birthday and the new year. It is all a little more monumental this year as I turned 40. Naturally with that comes surveying the landscape of my 30s. 
In a nutshell, my thirties were a time of great upheaval, turmoil and yet, growth. The birth of my two youngest children, the building of our house, moving twice, the illness and subsequent death of my sister, the breakdown of several familial relationships, changes in my own friendship circle, examining and discovering what really matters in my life, my own health issues including major back surgery, from weight gain to weight loss, becoming a stay at home mom, to starting a new business, to homeschooling my kids, learning new skills and exploring new hobbies, to the constant challenges, successes and failures of parenting. Actually, that is a lot for 10 years when I write it out. Wonder what I forgot?
In retrospect, here are my top life lessons from my 30s - in absolutely no order and vastly simplified.  Can't wait to read these when I turn 50 and laugh.
1. If it doesn't feel right, don't keep trying to make it work. Walk away, change it up...something. Just don't keep trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.  The only exception to this being marriage.  Marriage is not a commitment based on how you "feel."

2. Food. Only necessary to survive, doesn't have to be enjoyed. Although one tiny piece of chocolate a day can stop any binging or over indulgences in a basic healthy eating plan.

3. Keep your mouth shut. Yeah. Still working on that one. With the exception of spreading the gospel, offering a word of emotional encouragement, or asking forgiveness, no word is ever actually necessary.

4. Friends will come and go. It is alright if you don't stay close to everyone you have ever been close to. Life circumstances, daily routines, and your personal growth can lead to your circles changing. It is natural, normal and not a reflection of your self-worth. Ask for forgiveness over any grievances and move on.

5. Avoid political conversations. Just avoid them. Same can go for "religious" conversations.  I could really care less about religion these days, but will never refrain from a discussion about Jesus if asked.

6. Trusting God as the sovereign God will get you through anything in this life with joy and peace that surpasses all understanding. We waste so much time on the what-ifs of life.  Knowing a God is ahead of me eliminates worry, anxiety and panic.  A hard lesson to learn, but wow, life is so much easier.

7. A consistent, team-approach is the key to parenting.  Even with the best intentions, you will fail, dislike your kids, and question everything you have ever done.

8.  Every once in a while try something you have convinced yourself you really don't have an interest in doing.  You might find you like it and are actually good at it!

9.  Believing in #6 means that you do not have to worry about giving your kids every possible opportunity to try out every activity, hobby, and academic endeavor in the world in hopes that they find success and happiness in this life.  It will not damage them to be at home in the afternoon after school.  Still a work in progress on this life lesson.

10. Prayerfully decide on what you commit to do, knowing that saying no is always ok.  If you commit to something, you are committed.  Give it 100% regardless of whether you are tired, something better comes along, or you just don't feel like it.  The phrase "good intentions" is always followed by some comment of unmet expectations.   

11.  Know when to ask for help before you get to the point where you can't. Be your own advocate in matters of your mental and physical health.

Finally,

12. From Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
¹ There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
² a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³ a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴ a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵ a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶ a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷ a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸ a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

Everything is temporary, especially life on this earth. Therefore, ALWAYS be the first to ask for forgiveness and ALWAYS be thankful for your blessings.
I could rally a few more funnier ones like always check the pockets, pocketbooks, hands and mouths of your wildest child before leaving the house and don't assume that a yes or no question gives the full story.  Oh, how about there is rarely a completely innocent bystander in a childhood fray.  I'll just leave those for the "Things I Never Expected to Learn as a Parent" list.

The Birthday Project

My birth date, December 30th, has long been riddled with problems my entire life.  If you have a birthday between Christmas and New Year's then you know what I am saying.  Expectations are always set for a great day, but they never seem to materialize.  People forget, gifts are combined with Christmas, no one is in town, the plans of New Year's Eve the next night supersede any focus on celebrating with me.  I have even been given guilt trips because of how terribly timed my birthday is...like I had any control over that.  I am understanding, but it still stinks.  Or rather, it always used to stink until this year. 

About a month ago, I discovered "The Birthday Project."  Immediately, I knew this was how to transform the negativity often associated with my birthday into something completely different.  Instead of focusing on me on my birthday, I was going to focus on others.  Instead of receiving gifts, I was going to give gifts.  Some of the ideas were small, some of the ideas were larger, some cost money and some only took my time.  Some of them touched people in my immediate circle, but more went to those I did not know at all. It turned out to be the BEST. BIRTHDAY. EVER.

Here is what I did, in the order in which it happened:

1.  At the gas station, I bought the drinks for the man behind me in line.  He just stared at me like I was a lunatic.  I loved it!
2. Stopped by my Mom's house and gave her lots of hugs and told her how much I love her and cherish her.  She is the best mom in the world, people.  I am so blessed!
3. Gave a dog treat for a dog being walked in the neighborhood.  Surprised look and a big thank you.
4. At the bank, put quarters in all of the gumball machines.  Told the teller all about the Birthday Project which inspired her to the same on her next birthday.
5. A person in the parking lot of the bank had a dog in her car, and I offered a dog treat.  She gave me a big smile, a thank you and a SURE!
6.  At Costco, I let the person behind me get in front of me.  Who doesn't appreciate that!  They did!  Thanked me multiple times as the lines were really, really long!
7.  I gave some money to a homeless woman at the light.
8. I taped 6 bags of popcorn to the RedBox movie box with a note that said, "Free Popcorn for your movie.  Take one and enjoy this random act of kindness"
9. Gave out bottles of water and handwarmers to other homeless people collecting money around the Wendover/I-40 area. Amazed at the appreciation and thanks.
10. Gave a new friend a small bouquet of flowers.  What a way to brighten a day!
11. Gave an old friend a small bouquet of flowers.  Got the best, longest hug!
12.  Stood in the lobby of Target and with permission, gave out single dollar bills to kids coming in so that they could pick out some little treat from the Dollar Section.  Parents thought it was great, no one told me "no," and the kids' grins were priceless.  Got lots of "Happy Birthdays," too!
13.  Distributed 37 handwarmers to men outside of the Open Door Shelter, with the remaining given inside to be distributed.
14. Handed out 22 bottles of water at the Main Bus Terminal in town.  Oh my, the elderly African-American ladies were unbelievably sweet! They give the best hugs! Everyone wished me a happy birthday, too!
15.  Stopped to check on a driver whose car was in distress.
16.  Dropped by the Salvation Army and delivered 36 various chocolate candy bars.  I explained what I was there to do and this was the response, "Wait.  Let me get this straight.  It is your birthday and you are giving US chocolate?  YOU ROCK! What an awesome idea!"  The kids went nuts, by the way.
17.  A lady walking with 3 kids under the age of  8 was walking towards the Salvation Army and I gave her a bouquet of flowers. Oh, the look on her face!  Was it the most practical thing I could have done for her? Probably not. She said, "Who are these for?"  I said, "You!  Everyone deserves something beautiful."  She started crying.  Oh my!
18. Let several cars into a long line of traffic due to road construction.
19. Paid for a man's lunch in the drive thru at McDonald's.
20.  On our last stop, we surprised my 85-year old grandmother.  We gave her 25 yellow roses.  As predicted, she cried.  She always cries over anything slightly emotional, so this was a Niagara Falls moment.

Twenty collective acts that translated to touching over 130 people.  Were these earth-shattering acts? Absolutely not.  Did it brighten someone's day unexpectedly?  I am positive it did so for one person - me!  Will I do it on my birthday next year?  No.  That is because I don't plan on waiting so long to do it again.  I plan on making a conscious effort to do something every single day moving forward, not just on my birthday.  Let the planning begin!

This is not a post about how great Kelsey Dumoulin is because she did this on her birthday.  This project is not about me.  I certainly don't own the creative rights to it. It is about looking outward on day that is usually very self-focused and at times greedy.  This is a post to inspire you to consider The Birthday Project on your special day.  What if everyone did it?!?

Well, hello there little blog.  It has been a while, my friend.  No documenting of our lives has occurred in nearly three months and that just has to be ok with me. A quick list of things that have happened in the last few months that should have warranted some mention, but just haven't:

1. Lily had eye surgery to correct her accommodating esotropia in November.  The muscle located in the inner corner of each eye was cut and shortened in order for the eyes to stay aligned.  Amazing procedure, amazing results.  She did great - better than I would have thought.  Recovery was a snap and she looks "great" as she says.  She will still need glasses, but in time will get wear contacts and later, lasik surgery.

2.  Sadie is no longer swimming.  She is happy; we are happier.  Well, I take that back.  I wish she were swimming because she is good at swimming when she cares about it.  Actually, she is great at swimming, but it isn't interesting to her anymore. She is thinking about a running club, tennis, soccer, horseback riding, and sewing lessons.  Obviously, we are not doing all of that, but it is nice to see that she is curious about many things.

3.  We are raising chickens.  Yes, chickens.  Who would have thought?  It was all Sadie's idea, of course.  We have 1 crevecoer rooster and 2 hens; 1 polish rooster; 3 silkie hens, 1 silkie rooster and 12 silkie chicks of unknown sex.  Jay finally broke down and has purchased a really nice shed to hold the lawnmower, ATV, bikes and I would imagine "chickens and chicken gear."  He re purposed the fort to the old playset and the chickens have quite a nice coop.  Sadie has been diligent in feeding, watering and putting them up in their coop each night.  We are concerned with the amount of predators in the area - hawks, dogs, raccoons, foxes and coyotes.  It is an adventure and sometimes one that I do. not. have time for.  I also do not like Bob, who loves to crank out the cockle-doodle-doos at 4:15 am some mornings.  We haven't gotten any eggs, yet, but are hopeful the girls will start cranking them out soon!

4.  In October, we went on a very last minute trip to the Dominican Republic as a family.  Ethan and Jay spent most of the time scuba diving.  After much coaxing and some freak-out, Lily learned to love snorkeling.  I loved it too as soon as I realized that with Lily practically pushing me under water the entire time, I needed a life vest while she was with me. Sadie just took off with the snorkeling and I spent time trying to keep an eye on her.  I took the girls horseback riding and now all they want to do is take lessons.  Might be a good Christmas idea for them - an intro lesson down the street.  The weather was a great while we were there, the rooms wonderful and food decent.  It was interesting to see Lily struggle with all of the changes.  I thought it would run a little smoother with her, but she didn't quite know how to adjust at times.  Her response was that she wanted to go home, but I track much of this up to the need for more sleep and the over stimulation and activity.  She fell asleep on the beach, one time literally, three of the afternoons.  All in all, a fantastic family trip.

5.  The trip to the DR threw us off in our homeschool schedule and routine more than I thought it would.  I am not sure that I would choose to take an unplanned week off of school again.  It was tough to get the girls back on track and figure out how to rework schedules.  We made it through three continents and basic world geography before I realized it was too much in our daily schedule.  We stopped it after we returned from our trip.  I hope to pick it up over Christmas break...we'll see how that goes.  I had to find a new bible book for Lily because the 3-5th grade book we were using was just too heavy in subject matter.  I still have to make some decision on science and reading for the second half of the year, but for in general feel quite confident where we are in our studies.

6.  I am struggling with how much to push Ethan in school.  I feel he is capable of all As, based on teacher feedback and previous test scores.  He received all As in the first quarter, but I can see that the attention to math detail is a problem for him.  It is stressful to always be teetering at that 92 mark wondering whether he can bring it up in time.  I am sure I impart this stress onto him.  I finally told him that if he did his best, then ok.  What do you do?  Push him, or let him find his way.  Take away television or screens so he can devote more time in practice, or be satisfied with a B?  What am I teaching him?  Still in prayer over this one.

7.  We are still attending morning swim practices.  Ethan and I have adapted quite well, in fact.  I get my workout in and he feels extra energetic with morning practices.  He has made such strides in his swim times this year.  I know he is pleased.  I hope the trend continues.  Last year, we saw a near complete halt to any drops in time after Christmas.  He is working hard, but at times just wants to do noth-ing - no school, no work, no chores, no lego robotics, noth-ing.  I have thought about if he is over scheduled, and am considering some changes in the first of the year.  In addition, I have completed the requirements to become a Stroke & Turn Judge for USA Swimming.  It took some effort and I am pleased to have accomplished it.

8.  It is Christmas time.  Too many things going on and trying as every year to create the magic of the holidays for the kids.  I love traditions and I love seeing my kids get excited to relive our favorite ones, even if it drives me a little batty.  We do gingerbread houses, craft Saturday (where we make ornaments), Bags for the Bus Stop, driving to look at Christmas lights with family, our church Christmas performance, and finally hosting a Christmas party.  Right now, I don't foresee being able to get it all done, but you never know.  Sometimes things just magically fall into place.

A Day in the Life...and it is killing me.

You know when you have a day where it seems every minute is planned?  I had one of those days today.  In fact, every day since school began has been those days.  I wanted to document just one day in order to remember when I am old, the kids are gone, and I am retired and I declare to my now adult children, "I am so busy!"

4:45 am  Alarm goes off.  I lie there for a couple of minutes, debating whether I am actually going to get up or not. I do this almost every morning I have to use an alarm clock.  I don't know why I do it.

4:48 am  Crawl into Ethan's bed to wake him up, secretly hoping he says he can't possibly go to swim practice so I can return to bed.

4: 50 am Throw on work-out clothes and walk to kitchen to discover Ethan has forgotten to pack a lunch so I throw a sandwich, some grapes and a granola bar in a bag.  I remembered to have Ethan take all school and swim stuff into the car the night before - score one for me.

5:00 am  Head out to swim practice.  Notice that my left pinkie, end digit is very sore.  Wonder if it is possible to sleep the wrong way on your the end digit of your pinkie.  Realize that it is a ridiculous thought and I must be tired if I am spending time on it.

5:05 am Realize Ethan is wearing flip flops and has not packed his tennis shoes in his swim bag, return home because he cannot wear flip flops to school

5:12 am Head back out to swim practice

5:29 am Arrive at practice nearly 15 minutes late.  Chat briefly with another swim mom (commiserating, really) and head to the treadmill

6:15 am End work out, head to car to get gas and coffee

6:30 am Sit in lobby of sports center and work on homeschool planning for October in history and science.

7:25 am Ethan finishes practice, showers and we head to school

7:40 am  Help Ethan into school with large backpack, lunch in a plastic grocery bag because he forgot his lunch box the day before, trumpet case, and large cardboard box covered in black paper to look like a car for a skit he had later today.  We slapped it together last night as that was when I was notified of the need.

8:00 am Return home to find girls in kitchen finishing up breakfast and Jay in the shower.  On the way home receive call from my mother reminding me that she would not teach Sadie Latin later today.  I laughed at her "reminder" because I hardly remembered our initial conversation.  Think to myself that it is probably a good thing that she doesn't have Latin because I can use that extra time to get a lot of things done.  That ended up being a misconception that I will note further in the day.

8:15 am Change out laundry, check email, squawk at girls to head upstairs to get dressed and head to the bonus room to being school.

11:15 am  Several moments of huffing and puffing/borderline fits and school is done.  I realize that although Sadie does not have Latin, they still have piano at 1 pm and I don't have the 3.5 hours I thought until I had to pick up Ethan.  I really only have 2.

Tell the girls to finish getting ready, crush their teeth, grab some lunch. I jump into the shower.  While half-dressed, I call the vet to see I can drop off our dog, Bobo, our one-eyed, thirteen-year-old, almost deaf mutt.  He has about eaten himself up with his annual dermatitis/allergies and needs a steroid shot.  I also note in my call history that the Honda place had returned my call from the previous day.  I had completely forgotten I made the initial call to drop my van by for some repairs. 

11:55 am  Throw 2 girls, 2 piano bags, and one mangy looking dog into the van.  Start to pull out of the garage when I realize that I need to unload the van as the dealership might have it for several days.  Start dumping contents of the trunk of my car (swim bags, etc.) onto the floor of the kitchen.

12:10 pm Arrive at vets.  As always in September, I am appalled at the "look" of my dog, Bobo, when I have to take him in.  Half the hair on his back is gone and there is always one or two really nasty looking spots.  He can accomplish this look in about 3-5 days and the vet assures me that it is ok.  While waiting for the vet tech to come collect Bobo for his medicated bath and shot, another man waiting in the lobby said, "Got werms?" in a very southern drawl.  I said in a tad of a prideful voice, "Oh no, he just has allergies.  We have to come every September to get this done."  The man replied, "Well, a wer-em just came outta he-is butt."  Sure enough. Indeed, there was a small worm hanging from you know where.  Ugh!  My dog had tape worms from a flea he ingested somewhere between a month or six months ago.  My thoughts raced to the fact that we have had him indoors a lot lately. 

12:30 pm Call Honda to make sure a shuttle was available to take us to the office once we dropped off the car. En route to the Honda dealership, some ding dong was riding his bike without a helmet on Westchester Drive.  Not only did he not have a helmet, but I think his brakes didn't work.  He tried to use his feet as brakes on a steep incline while riding in the gutter and nearly fell off his bike and into my path.  I said lots of prayers, slammed on the brakes, and emitted a slight shriek.  Thankfully, he recovered control of his bike and then looked at me as if I had done something wrong.

12:40 pm Arrive at Honda.  List the myriad of issues with my car.  Making sure they noted that the passenger sliding door has still had plenty of problems despite me randomly bringing by and leaving it to their disposal (once for 4 days) to repair.  It had never malfunctioned in their care.  I was redeemed this time because it didn't open when I pushed the button.  Yes!  Call Jay to tell him to have the spare car ready at the office.  He said he didn't have time because his conference call with the Employment Security Commission was in 10 minutes for a former employee who quit his job and was trying to collect unemployment.  Hope for the best as we are shuttled to the office with 2 girls, 2 piano bags, my overloaded pocket book and a booster seat.  For once, I remembered to grab the garage door opener!

12:54 pm Arrive at Jay's office.  Note the spare car out front.  Yay for Jay!  Run into to collect keys.  Have girls dump all things into the car.  Realize that the last person to use the radio was listening to a rap station.  The radio is slow to respond to the controls, and I was afraid we were going to have to listen to it for the remainder of our drives.  However, it finally responded to my repeated turning of the volume and power switch.

12:55 pm Run to piano, knowing we will be about 5 minutes late. Lily works on her piano theory while we wait and I eat chocolate dusted almonds.  I realize it was the first thing I have eaten all day.  I have had 2 VERY large cups of coffee, however.  Receive text from a friend who inquires if I want to get botox with her.

1:30 pm Sadie returns to the car and Lily goes in.  I think I have enough time to run to Staples to pick-up Ethan's student council poster.  He was willing to pay the $8 for the print-out with his own money.  I uploaded it last night.  As I leave the piano teacher's house, I receive a call from Staples that they had problems all morning with their computers and had not printed the poster.  However, they wanted to confirm one thing before they did.  I told them I was on my way and they said they would have it ready.

1:42 pm  Arrive at Staples.  Sadie runs to the bathroom.  I collect the poster and am happy to hear they will not charge me the standard $5 rush fee since I requested to have it completed prior to 24 hours.  I didn't know about the fee, so their computer glitch turned out to be a blessing.  By this time Sadie arrived at the print counter with some more mechanical pencils.  I told her no.  She retreated and returned with the lead refills.  That purchase made us late to return to the piano teacher's house and I was irritated.

2:05 pm Arrive at piano teacher's house to see Lily sitting on the front porch.  I see her mouthing the words, "Why are you late?"  Before she gets in the car, I tell Sadie she has to tell her why.  When Lily hops in the car, Sadie offers her some Sour Patch Candy straws as a peace offering.  She also offers Lily 2 candy dots.  Lily offers her the sucker she has just picked from the goodie box at piano.  After Lily gets the 2 candy dots, she reneges on the sucker.  An ensuing tiff begins in the back seat.  In the end, Lily takes one lick of the sucker and gives it to Sadie who happily finishes it.

2:30 pm  Arrive at school to pick-up Ethan.  Have poster in hand.  Ethan takes it to show his class mates in the pick-up line and is thrilled with it.  We take it upstairs to his homeroom so it is ready to hang.  I make Ethan look for the Student Council application in his locker which he hasn't been able to locate.  We don't find it, so we grab another copy from his teacher's desk.  I connect with the Language teacher who prints out a final make-up quiz Ethan needs to take.  Then I connect with the Spanish teacher as we are leaving who indicates Ethan will have a make-up quiz on Friday on material he knows nothing about.  Great.

3:00 pm  Leave the school, calling to see if Bobo is ready for pick-up and most importantly, if he has been de-wormed.  He is ready.  Also note that I have once again missed the call from Honda.  Returning their call, I learned that they have discovered my problem with the door is a latch issue.  They also said the terrible rattling in my steering wheel when braking is from warped rotators.  I need a brake job.  Ka-ching.  I turn down the 90,000 mile service checks as most had either been done or to me could wait.  They did say that I needed a steering wheel flush/change and something else I can't recall.  I opted for those two as they never offer me services like that.  Finally, and the best of all...they are going to shampoo my carpets for me...FOR FREE!!!! I don't care if it was out of pity - as I am sure it was - I feel so blessed!  The car will probably be ready late Friday or Monday, depending on parts.

3:15 pm  Pick-up Bobo, pay $74.  One more medicine dose and the worms are history.  Listen to the kids crack up about the "wer-ems in your butt" story the entire way home and finally banished that line altogether for the rest of the day.

4:00 pm Arrive home,  Ethan begins homework.  Chores doled out and I decide to lie down for just 30 minutes because I cannot think straight.  Check email, and return several.  Five minutes after I am settled into bed, I hear Jay is home. Decide to nap anyway even though it is already 4:30 pm 

5:15 pm Wake-up in a complete pool of drool.  Realize that I don't have the motivation or time to make stuffed peppers.  I have never made that recipe before, nor have I ever eaten them.  I just have a TON of green peppers from my garden and need to do something with them.  Decide to make a quick, homemade soup instead and beg forgiveness. 

6:00 pm  Eat dinner, clean-up kitchen, start dishwasher, check-in with Ethan who is working on his Student Council application.  Change out laundry.  Fold laundry while sitting with family while watching River Monsters.  Totally didn't like that show.  Jay sends Lily to take a shower.  I dole out the final "clean-up your rooms, stairs, and shoes" warnings.  I end up having to help Lily with her shower and brush her hair.

7: 30 pm Last details of clean-up chore gets done.  Lily requests a desert and a little tv time.  Sadie still puttering around upstairs.  Ethan is done and has some computer time. 

8:15 pm Everyone sent to bed.  Ethan begs for some more time as he is in 6th grade.  Jay indulges and tells him he must be in bed by 9 pm - his responsibility to keep up with the time and there are consequences if he isn't in bed by then.  Jay asks me if he should go ahead and give him his punishment now.

8:30 pm  I am in bed writing this blog.  I am reminded about my sore pinkie.  I ask Jay what he thinks.  He comes up with some ridiculous response and I realize that asking him was about as stupid as thinking about it this morning at 5:00 am.

Is this a normal day for most moms?  I mean...this is every day for me.  How to stop this out of control train?

This is how life is rolling these days at the Dumoulin house...

Last week, I went to 7 doctors appointments. One for Ethan, one for Lily and 5, yes, 5 for me.

Ethan's appointment was to confirm no additional complications from a marathon viral infection that lastest 12 days, missing 6 days of school. This week he is finally recovering some of his energy he lost from a constant fever for that long. He has just stopped falling asleep mid-day, yet still has a random cough that produces gags.  He is slowly returning to normal.

Lily's appointment was in Greensboro with her pediatric opthamologist. She will have eye surgery sometime in the next month for her accomodating esotropia. Her very strong glasses are not fully correcting her vision issues, so they will cut the muscle to tighten it. This procedure is done at a day surgery center and lasts about 20 minutes. I believe there is some discomfort the first day or two and then a week of a bloody looking eye, reminiscient of the worst pink eye you have seen.  Poor Lily.

My situation was a little more complicated, but the results were very positive. I had an MRI and mammogram and an appointment with my OB-GYN all in the same day (3 appointments right there). Talk about being exposed, poked, and prodded. I felt just one step away from porn status, really. As usual with my situation, I am declaring war with my insurance company over the MRI which is recommended by every medical board with my life-time risk of breast cancer being over 20%. It is actually 26%, but when you get over 20% does it really matter? Regardless, they won't cover it, which means $1,400 out of pocket for me each and every time. Aren't they gems?

The remaining two appointments were because they found some area of concern on my MRI. This the third time this has happened. Their recommendation was to biopsy the area assisted by MRI. After the procedure I was sent for another mammogram to note the location of an injected clip. The clip is used to mark where they collected the tissue. All very heavy and all very irritating at the same time. Not too emotional this go around, but more like, why is this happening again? At what point will I not have any tissues left to take? My MRI tech was quite a "McDreamy" making it all very interesting to be sitting there with the front of my gown open, exposing one side. However, my doctor pretty much destroyed that enjoyment by squeezing my boob as if checking to see if the melon were ripe...right in front of him. To be more accurate, I should say squeezing like a peach, as she tried to control the bleeding of the biopsy entry point. Nothing says "hot" like having steri-strips and neosporin gooped on the side of you, while incoherently saying you are fine with a gigantic red mark on your forehead from laying face down on your stomach for 30-45 minutes. The bottom line and fantastic news is that the results were negative for anything cancerous. Now, I just need to decide how much it is worth to continue with these "recommended" tests.  I am also reconsidering genetic testing although that isn't fool-proof either.
Ethan is running for student council, thinking about a hip hop dance class and participating in Cotillion. For those not in the south, Cotillion is a class that teaches manners, etiquette, and basic dance skills. Ironically, we were 30 minutes late to the first class as I wrote the time down incorrectly. Who is late for a class on etiquette?  The Dumoulins. 

The hip hop dance thing is unsettling to me. I know I am being ridiculous, but sometimes I just live in the 19th century, ok? He even said he was ok with taking jazz or tap if he had to as he might "enjoy" that. Gosh, I hope he really wants to do this because he knows he can meet some girls. Either way, as this "interest" sinks in, we will play the waiting game on exploring our options.

We, meaning Ethan, resumed morning swim practices today. I am most thrilled to report that our gracious coach has delayed the start of practice by 15 minutes. Now, I only have to have Ethan at the Sports Center at 5:15 am instead of 5:00 am. Nice. Wake-up time is an easy 4:45...still considered to be the night before, not this morning by me. When I returned home at 8 am, I had taken Ethan to practice, worked-out (translation: walked on a treadmill for 30 minutes at 3.5), made a run to Wal-Mart (NO ONE is at Wal-Mart at 6:15 am), grabbed a cup of coffee at Chik-fil-a, picked Ethan back up and hauled him to school. Of course, he left his gym clothes in the car which meant another trip to the school. However, I thought my productivity prior to 8 am was pretty admirable considering I can easily sleep until 9:30 or 10 am on weekends. Deep down, could I be a morning person? No. It is all because I love my son. It is now 12:30 pm as I type this and I can hardly keep my eyes open. Did I say how much I love my son? By the way, it was a first for me to go into a Wal-Mart while it was dark, only to exit when it was getting light. I thought people only did that when they went to bars in Europe.

Lily has taken to shouting out random math problems throughout the day.  Yesterday afternoon, as she lounged on our oversized chair in the kitchen, she announced that 700 plus 600 equals 1300.  Cuddling up with me before bed, she did a borrowing subtraction problem with 3-digit numbers out loud, without paper. If you don't know what that is, I think it was something like 318-189=129.  She is nutso over math and I do not get it at all.

What other ridiculousness is going on our family, you ask? Well, homeschool, of course. How does one homeschool when at at doctor's office more than her own house? Well, she doesn't. Complete fail last week for the most part. Here's another eye opener...using the instructor's manual is actually a helpful thing when teaching math. Sometimes I wonder how my children know anything. For the first time in our brief homeschooling journey, I have given up on a curriculum choice for one of my girls. The bible course I used with Sadie during 3rd grade is just too difficult for Lily. Words like attributes, polytheism, and atheist are not ones Lily can retain. At. all. Time to do some research.  Today we had some success with two little experiments in science.  One was throwing marbles in bowls of flour to demonstrate how craters are made and the impact they have on a planet's surface.  The other was melting butter to pour over custard bowl which was covered in four.  This was to mimic a volcanic eruption.  The key part to this was that when the butter cools, it hardens up a bit like the lava does when it cools. 

I have found that here is little substitute for the retention of information than hands-on study and/or video enforcement.  To compliment our study of Australia, our family watched a great documentary about Australia Saturday morning.  The kids squawked a bit through it and I threatened to give them a pop quiz.  Afterall, I am the teacher.  I can do that sort of thing.  In the end though, we all learned a lot and each child could give me 2-3 different facts about Australia.  Netflix has become our greatest ally in this type of teaching. Once we complete our notebook section on Australia, they might be ready to go eat some vegemite!  Next up...AFRICA in our semester of World Geogrpahy!  I have about 6 movies in the queue.  That will probably send them over the edge. 

As I down my third cup of caffiene today, I wonder how I will get anything else done.  The projects just keep piling up and home maintenance keeps getting shoved farther and farther down the list.  My view is that if God wanted me to get them done, then He would give me the time.  Right?