Facebook Crackbook

Question: If our world continuously provides ways of faster and more immediate means of communicating with others, then why do most of us feel very "unconnected, isolated and alone?"

I have been mulling over that which is "facebook" for a while. There are times when it seems to completely consume me (Crackbook) and then other times I don't check it for several days or a week. My interest in facebook began a year and a half ago when I was recuperating from back surgery. My long-time friend, Angela, suggested it to me as a great way to kill time. She was correct in that assessment. Later, my focus on facebook was driven by my pending high school reunion. As part of the committee, it was invaluable tool through which we found classmates and organized the reunion. That was in October. Now, I am not too sure why I am still lingering around those parts.

Most assuredly, facebook satisfies some basic surface connections, but over time it stays just there, never going deeper. You know all bits of trivial information about people, like what they cooked for dinner, how busy their weekend was and how accurate they are at weather updates (as if I can't look out the window). Yet, something is clearly missing.


Do I really need to know that much mundane, monotonous information about my friends? More poignantly, is it replacing a deeper level of connection that satisfies that longing of every soul - to feel as if he matters?

What I find happening through facebook is that you just stop talking...with your voice. You read these little bits and pieces of people's lives and think you have made a connection. You begin to believe you "know them." In reality, no meaningful, heart-filling exchange has taken place. No one knows you, who you really are and you know nothing short of how your friend's children made the honor roll. It becomes isolating and lonely. Before you know it, you begin to believe that the world is moving without you.

I am in a bit of a quandary over this one. Would deactivating my account make me "unreachable?" Hardly. I am in the phone book, I do have this blog and I do have an email account. Those that want to stay in touch will and those that don't are probably not friends I had prior to facebook. Deactivating would also mean more face time, a forced reason to call people, and more time to do just about everything during some weeks. I think it also means more time to devote to writing, something I clearly love more than facebook.

The Saga Continues

STOP! Before reading further you must have read this entry:

My Cupholder Runneth Over as well as snippets from this entry and the very end of this one.


So, I start loading some things into the trunk of my car this morning after the kids had left for school. Just some things I needed to return to their owners. Imagine what I find! Why, lookie there, it is the kids' swim bag. The swim bag they last used 5 DAYS AGO, still sitting in the trunk of my car, filled to the brim with wet towels, suits, etc. Guess what today is? Swim practice day. Guess who doesn't have anything to wear but stinky swimsuits and nothing to dry their bodies' off with but damp moldy towels??!?! Guess who is learning a lesson... TODAY!!!

Ok, I admit it. I am not nearly as terrible as my bite. As much as I wanted to show up with nothing or the filth bag, I didn't. My reasoning was 1) we pay too much for these lessons for my kids not to swim and 2) a big swim meet is only two weeks away and my kids need all the practice they can get. I know, I am weak and my excuses are flimsy.

I had just enough time to throw the pungent contents of the bag, less the new sham-wow type swim towel, into the wash. I grabbed some extra towels upstairs and some sweats from the recently folded laundry and headed out the door with freshly smelling swim suits.

I did have one more thing up my sleeve, however. Once the kids got in the car from school, I pretended, just for a little bit that I did not take care of the bag. They thought they had nothing to wear except for nastiness. I saw shock, disbelief and this question came out of their mouths, "Mom, what are we going to do?"

My reply: Get your gear out of the car every time. Now, look in the back and get your swim bag; it has clean clothes in it.

It was nice tonight to see each child bring in their back pack, lunch box, swim bag, clothes, etc. We are making some progress.

Party Pooper

As if the holidays were not already crazy with to-do lists, Jay and I pack it in further with unending entertaining. We just can't get enough of our friends and family, I guess. Maybe it is the need to spread the love during this season. Perhaps we feel that entertaining is our way to give back to our friends for their gifts of love to us during the year. Since we both do not have the gifts of mercy, maybe we see this as some price for our lack of understanding or compassion throughout the year. Please forgive us, friends, now eat some cake. Or, possibly, we are just glutens for fun and frivolity. Of course, it might be the obvious. We have the best friends and family in the world and can't stand not having them with us, sometimes multiple times, through out the most wonderful time of year.

So, this evening, on January 1, after all of my immediate family has left the house, I plopped into a chair. 5 nights/days of entertaining this month and I am pooped. Time to gather up my house, put away the serving platters, pastry server, and take back the chafing dishes I borrowed from a friend.

I literally picked up our Christmas welcome mat this evening and didn't put our year-round one down. Not because visitors are no longer welcome. It is because Dixie decided to use it as her pee mat and after so many washings, it isn't coming clean.

Insanely, I am already thinking of our next "party." A family potluck soup and salad night with board games. Sounds like a perfect evening to occupy us during what is the longest cold snap our geographical location has experienced since 1977. Now ,where is my planner?

My cupholders runneth over

I have had lots of "my-mini-van-could-be-condemned-because-of-its-filth" sagas including a mouse that lived in it for several weeks, many milk, juice, and tea spills, a multitude of bodily function explosions, filth, trash, etc. I have tried to keep the car clean, honestly. But being in constant use with three kids plus on a near daily basis, it is what it is. I remember Jay having a fit about the state of my car one day and then I took a look at his - four verses one. No contest.

Recently, however, I knew I reached a new level when my son started making apologies to his friends when they came into our car. I also knew it had reached epic proportions when another mom said that Sadie went on and on about how clean their car was when she rode in it. I think my two oldest finally understand why we want a clean car.

So, there was a stink in the car for a couple of weeks. A stinky, musty odoriferous gag-inducing ick. No child could discover the source despite repeated request by me to search every corner and crevice. Finally, after gagging one morning on the way to school, I decided to don gloves and a trash bag and investigate. Into the deep recesses of the car I traveled, to the place I lovingly refer to as "Satan's Lair."

It didn't take long, the discover of which added to my ire. A sports-type cup leaking what I could only surmise was chocolate milk, somewhat solidified, nearly a cottage cheese consistency. The cup had been shoved into the seat pocket in front of the third row of seats. As I started poking around, I noticed a couple more cups shoved the other pocket, along with various snack bags, hair bows, a crayon, several lego pieces, an overdue library book and headphones for the car audio system. Yes, all of them with at least a couple drops of the souring brown liquid. Some had complete saturation.

Upon further discovery I found in the other pocket more treasures and delights similar to above. And then...if it couldn't get any worse, I spied the cupholders. I say that plural because the Honda Odyssey has something like 26 cup holders in it - I am not lying. I happened to see two joining ones and I know I gasped out loud. A left over mushy, fermenting apple from some weeks earlier, possibly a month or so, soaking in some gooey orange syrup from a disintegrating McDonald's cup. It was trying to become one with some chintzy gold necklace and a melted tube of chapstick. I know the hair on my neck started to stand up and possibly some slivers of steam began curling out of my ears.

In my zen-like state, I created a plan and a subsequent consequence for not obeying my plan, otherwise known as "discipline." The new rule: children must consistently keep the van cleaned up. How ingenious of me, right? Everything is to be brought in from the car when we get home. I mean EVERYTHING. No clothing, backpacks, shoes or coats left behind. I know, why do I have shoes and clothing lying around our car? Because the children change into swim gear three times a week leaving school uniforms, socks, etc. strewn about. They are also to keep all trash out of the back and bring in toys/electronics, too. Nirvana, right? The punishment for not doing their job? Vacuuming the entire car and cleaning all cupholders. My cupholders will not longer runneth over!

The first loss

An impromptu trip to a local furniture store took a very funny turn today.

We decided to search for a new sofa for our kitchen area. Six years of little kids spills, puppy chewing, and some unfortunate run-ins with the vacuum had made our current sofa pretty shabby. Jay suggested we go to a local, very large furniture store outlet to scope some possibilities.

We were on the second floor of the outlet center in a gigantic open room with rows and rows of all shapes and colors of upholstery. Jay and I kept moving through the rows, easily eliminating most, if not all the choices. The kids couldn't keep up with us and they stayed back in one of the first rows, messing around as kids would do if faced with hundreds of sofas.

Jay and I were halfway across the room when we heard a shout. We saw Sadie running toward us as fast as she could, her face a mix of excitement and determination. Inwardly, I panicked. All I could think was that Lily must have peed or worse on one of the sofas. The emergency exit plan was forming in my mind when Sadie arrived and said:

"Lily just lost her tooth and here it is!" With that, she thrust this little white tooth about the size of a grain of rice into my face.

I quickly looked across the room to Lily and shouted her name. Lily, still sitting on a sofa, stood up, turned to me and with fist pumping in the air, started jumping up and down. Her little ponytail was just bouncing in the air and her smile was as big as I have ever seen it, despite being one tooth less. She was thrilled.

Sadie continued the tale by stating that she had offered a piece of gum to Lily and when Lily bit into it, the tooth just came out. It was Lily's right bottom tooth.

Lily ran to me and we went to the bathroom to get some paper towels for blood, which was surprisingly little. It was clearly much looser than I had realized. From that moment on, whenever she saw anyone in the store, she announced with every ounce of pride in her, "I lost my tooth!"

My youngest and last child is losing her baby teeth. Another end of a season and the transition into a new one.

The End of a Decade...

The 2000s. Almost over. Hanging out for another 14 and a half hours. When I was younger I thought for sure we would all be jetting around in Jetson air cars by this point. Why aren't we? And what about that transporter in Star Trek? At least we got the internet, right?

I would like to think that this past decade brought the lowest of lows that I will ever experience in my lifetime. Conversely, I hope to experience more highs in the next decade, but who wouldn't? The '00s brought the loveliest highs: the birth of my three children, the house we live in, the start of a our company. And the most unimaginable lows: the cancer and death of my sister, the death of three grandparents, the splintering of certain family relationships, my back injury and surgery. When I think about it, I lost nearly half of the decade to the first "low" when you combine the 3 year journey and subsequent emotional coma/post-traumatic stress syndrome I existed in for 2 years after. To say that I am ready for this turn of the calendar, the end of writing the mark of the year with a zero and another number is an understatement.

I have always seen this one night as some line of demarcation, as does most of the world. As if this one night, one page turn signals drastic change. One door closing on what was, the past that is never alterable except in science fiction shows. One door opening to what is to come. A time of unlimited possibilities, a blank slate, optimistically waiting to be written. In reality, you can pick any day of the calendar year for this, right? It is all a choice for change.

So what are my choices for change in 2010? I like to use the word "goals" as you can make an action plan, take steps to get to a goal. The word "resolution" denotes more of an immediate change or else you you face assured failure so I don't use it. Here is my little list:

1. To submit some writing samples for consideration to be published. I won't even go into actually getting published because that is out of my hands. I will start with this little baby step of submitting.

2. To commit to an exercise routine 2 days /week. I won't get into how much weight I want to lose or how tone I want to be. In the past I have ridiculously written that I want to run in a 10 k or try an mini-triathlon. Two days is an insanely simple goal. In fact, 2 days probably wouldn't even change my body shape, but I feel like it is reachable. I might like it so much that I will go for 3 days and gasp...surpass my goal. I would like to throw in tennis into the mix. My very short stint in 2009 (2 times) reminded me how much I love the game.

3. Take one course that will tap into my creativity, as if I can claim to have any to begin with! Maybe this is just a pottery class at the YWCA, who knows. But something small, short and a start.

4. To find a place of fulfillment, spiritually. Tough and uneven roads have been all I have found over the past 3 years. This is the toughest goal to create a plan for. I know what I need to do, but will it work? Will my heart be more open to receive and live out what is so challenging at times?

5. Finally, I want to find a place of contentment. My vision is to rise above the hiccups of every day life so that it does not cause injury to my soul. That is connected with #4 most definitely. But, more so, in my daily living. The fact that I have become a tooth grinder at the last half of this year saddens me. It can only be from stress that this has begun. My anxiety has grown leaps and bounds and the sources of it are just absurd, mundane, unimportant events that are normal, every day events for 99% of the world. Control freak. Period. Gotta change it. Steps include counseling, possible acupuncture and massage therapy, a visit to my dentist and of course, lots of prayer.

And, so that completes the list of changes I would like to make in 2010. May it be a blessed year for us all.

A check on 2009

Here were my goals for 2009, copied and pasted from the original post here. Let's see how I did:

1. To laugh more, enjoy life more. To be more spontaneous. FAILED and failed miserably.

2. To document my life more consistently whether in blogging, scrapbooking or other means. SUCCEEDED, I think by two blog posts!!! I did develop a scrabooking plan to get me current which has gotten me excited about my hobby again.

3. To serve others in my community. To find my place, my niche, which I currently don't have. FAILED, although I know for sure we did more for others this Christmas season, so maybe I started on the right path. It just took me a while to get here. Still don't have a consistent schedule though.

4. To find myself spiritually again. This became a little muddled in 2008. Note to self: future blog topic. FAILED, but we did take steps to change this in the latter half of 2009. New bible study in the fall, church visiting, etc.

5. OK, so this is silly, but well, I will still type it despite a very high probability of being ridiculed for it - to be able to play ONE song on the drums at the expert level of Rock Band. SUCCEEDED!
And, #6, Get rid of this squirrel! SUCCESS!

It was a mixed bag, but I am ok with it. Even in the failures, I see promise. Onto 2010!