Life, in general

Did I make a mistake last night? Should you ever withhold kisses from your children? I have been toying with guilt this morning. Ethan is entering what I can only surmise as the pre-teen years or the marketers neologism - a tween? Could that really be at age 8? There is this pervasive attitude of questioning me, rarely taking responsibility of his poor behavioral choices and steadfastness in justifying his actions. I am sad, because Ethan has always been a people pleaser, very tender-hearted and well, somewhat reliable. I know my limits as his mother. Now it is Jay's turn to help mold Ethan into a man.

Last night, he was making his own choices which were contrary to ones his dad would have him make. Ethan was sent to his room. I came upstairs a little while later to check on his school uniform stock for next year. His declaration that his dad was, "mean," and insistence that he had not done anything wrong was disheartening to hear. My response to him was not well received and when I went to tuck him for the night with a kiss, was told, "I don't want one." So, I said, ok and walked out his door. The howling, crying and begging that began at that point was pretty pitiful, but I felt that he needed to know that what he says matters. The impact of his choice needed to have consequences, so therefore, I never went back into his room. Actually, now that I type it out, I am good. No more guilt. I did the right thing.

Sadie is up to her usual frolics. Seriously, where does she come up with these things. A couple of days ago, we had a very strong downpour. No thunder or lightening, but just heavy, heavy rain and wind. It was around dinner time and we were at the table eating it and watching it come down in sheets. However, water was spilling over the gutters which didn't bode well. Jay ran upstairs with a pole to clear out whatever was clogging up the gutter. I walked up to see if I could lend a hand (really just being nosey). As I peered into the gutter which ran under Sadie's window, I see what was clogging the gutter - pencils. Yes, you can say it with me, "What?" Sadie had opened her window, thrown pencils out, and then closed and locked her window. Oh, and I also saw a night light light bulb floating down as well. Punishment was swift and painful - administered by Jay.

There comes a point when you just give up on trying to understand what goes on in a person's mind. While most of us live our lives thinking, "what if..." or "what would happen if...," she chooses to actually act it out to realize the outcome. Keep praying for us...

Lil' Bill (Lily) is working her independence. My attempts to draw out the sweetness I know is underneath that little 3, almost 4, year old demeanor has seen little success. But I persevere. At least she is obsessed with doing "summer work." This amounts to practicing her writing, school workbooks, etc. She loves it.

As for me, I am lonely these days. My schedule is super busy, but yet, I am alone. Laughter is sparse and I am a little perplexed and saddened. I am sure that the complexities of my life at the moment (intensity of the new business, recovery and soreness from surgery, challenges of motherhood and the tenuous balancing act of it all) are at the root of it. Nevertheless, I need my friends, I need a day or a night filled with ridiculous craziness. My great friend, Amy, made her first DVD of photos and music. She sent me (and I am sure several of you) a copy of it - entitled, "girlfriends." Knowing it was filled with pictures of past girls' nights out and scrapbook trips which included Ansley and Robin (now living in TN), I was sure I would spend much of my viewing time crying. Contrary to this, I spent most of the time smiling, giggling at times. I miss those times and wonder why they are not still happening. Where are you, my friends? Isn't it time to come together?

Long time, no see

No sooner than I wished for my life to get back to "normal," I find myself wishing for it to slow down. Never content, I am. What a frantic pace our lives have become in the last few weeks. Crazy! My body is not ready to keep up with the pace and I find my pain and exhaustion level quite high at the end of the day. PT is going well and I learn new tidbits about my body every time I go. My right leg is still experiencing weakness, my foot has dropped a little because of the nerve damage and I have weakness in my rotator muscles in my hip. I love getting the warm and even the icy cold compresses and the little bit of very light touch massage I got today. And, finally, I have terrible posture.

I am officially a "working girl." Not in the street sense, but with RaRa. Jay was out of the office on Monday and Tuesday traveling and I was left holding down the hatches. I was so completely out of my element. Seriously, where has my brain gone? I was nearly in tears when trying to get an international shipment out and I received some goods as a lot when they should have been serial numbered. Does that make any sense to anyone? It still doesn't to me. I was in serious pain after that long in a chair - despite trying to take breaks. Killed me. Thankfully, I still have some good meds and doped myself up pretty good. Woke up feeling much, much better on Wednesday.

In time, I am sure all this work business will come together, but I wonder how I did my pre-children jobs. I have lost some brain cells somewhere...anyone know where they could be?

I am still doing this strange thing where I am thinking one word and a completely different word comes out of my mouth. I remember Ansley talking about the same thing when she had whole brain radiation, but that doesn't apply here. However, it does make me think this is related to my surgery. It is past the funny stage and is becoming more annoying. Also, to anyone with surgery experience - Can it also cause monthly bills (you know, Aunt Flo) to come in strange patterns as well? I am too young for the big change, right?

Kids are slowly getting back in shape. It has been a couple of good days, with just a couple of exceptions. L is a piece of work when she is tired. Naps and normal bedtimes are essential for her. E and S have been at tennis camp in the mornings this week. Their instructor said that E is very consistent. S is very, very good - a natural athlete...when she is focused. They allow her to take more breaks than the other kids because she is a couple of years younger than the rest. On her self-imposed breaks, she hunts for spiders, climbs trees and collects tennis balls.

I have been out of the loop...Here is what I would like to know:
Robin - How was Guatemala?
Beth - How was Guatemala? (different trip, same purpose)
Amy - Can you come over Monday and help me with my project?
Trish - How was your surgery?
Angela - Any news on the editing job?
Jennifer - Do you feel some peace?
Nena - How is the nursery coming along?
Alisa - How are the scrapbook supplies I sent? How is Zeb?

If I have missed someone who might be lurking out there, can you give me a shout out?

Back to the Basics

I believe our house has been bestowed a new title, a new claim to fame in the last week: "Meltdown Capital of the World." Yes, life this week has been particularly...RIDICULOUS! What in the world has happened to my children? Of course, I would like to lay blame on my nearly complete absence for the past two months. The insertion of a wonderful, but somewhat spoiling grandmother is a little suspicious as well. I wouldn't expect Oma to be anything other than spoiling, but it has taken its toll. If I am not mistaken, the dependents lifted nary a finger in chores while she was here (maybe once or twice if that).

The result has been complete ear-shrieking whining and body collapsing by Lily:
Lily: Ahhhhhh - IIIIIII --noooooooottttt waaaaaaannnnnt thaaaaaatttt!
Me: What was that ridiculous noise?
My friend Margo: A very tired child.
Lily: It was ME! (At least she owns up to it!)
Additionally, Lily has begun wetting her pants again. Two days ago she sat on my bed and wet it, sat on Ethan's bed and wet it and then peed outside on the driveway. UGH!

The result has been a complete sassy, back-talkin' attitude by Sadie:
Me: Sadie, please go to the back yard and tell your friend that her mom is here to pick her up.
Sadie: I don't want to.
Me: It is not your choice and that is not the appropriate answer. Go tell your friend to come.
Sadie: Why don't you go do it? (I think I almost saw a head wag, but it is still a little debatable)
Me: (Inwardly fuming and doing every thing possible not to back slap her across her head). DO IT NOW and then go to your room. This little chat between the two of us continued in her room, but I won't post details.

The result has been isolation by Ethan:
Me: Ethan, time to go
Ethan: no response
Me: Ethan, c'mon, time to go
Ethan: no response
Me: ETHAN!?
Ethan: no response
Me: loudly, ok, at the top of my lungs screaming: Ethan Loek Van Dumoulin, get down her NOW!
Ethan: (opening door to his room) "what?"
I think I will have a PSP for sale very soon - it will go to the highest bidder, so start getting fund together.. It is white with some special edition Star Wars theme to it.

This was my first week back in the saddle. Oma went home Friday and Jay moved into RaRa Telecom World Headquarters on Monday. Keep in mind, I am still limited on the amount of driving, sitting, physical movement, etc. Nevertheless, I have been left in control (liberal application of that term). I haven't really been alone in nearly 8 months adding in Jay's sabatical.

Therefore, we are getting back to basics. We have a chart which gives a point every time I hear yes, ma'am or no ma'am upon asking any question or calling their name. We are starting a kindness chart for chalking up kind words, kind actions, sharing, etc. (thank you Margo for the idea) Every infraction is a point lost. Seriously, if they can get into the car, buckle themselves in without a single snippy remark, squeal or physically touching each other, they get a point. I am talking simple basics...again!

Alright, not every minute has been this discombobulating, as they don't all happen at the same time. However, they appear to be consecutive which does not give this mom a breather. I love being an active participant in their lives again, but whew, I have forgotten how much hard work it is! Looks like it is BOOT CAMP TIME!

Vote for your favorite

My long-time "friend" sent the following composite of my school pictures from 4th grade - 9th grade. Although I ponder why someone would keep these school photos for some 25 odd years, I am glad she did. We had some great laughs commenting about them. I thought I would share the hilarity and subsequent observations.



4th grade: Epitome of preppy period with Izod sweater and loafers. I was obsessed about having my hair pulled back very, very tight. Thus, I had these enormous white plastic clips on each side to hold it all back. In fact, everything had to be tight at that stage - tight belt, tight shoelaces, etc. Must have been a control issue. Not surprising.


5th grade: I look like Lily, I think. Wearing outfit and hair chosen by my mother - I was not thrilled. Did anyone ever think that it was really taken outdoors? What gives with bad photography back drops?


6th grade: What the...? is the only way I describe my choice here. Besides my head looking like it is sitting on a platter with no neck there is a very interesting jewelry choice. I am wearing a gold (use that term loosely) necklace that has a charm on it. The charm is an outline of a cowboy hat. Like I was into western stuff –and I don’t know if I wore it another time. Although maybe I spawned the beginning of that type of charm as being hip and it carried its way into Sex and the City…the "Carrie" necklace? For some reason, I just felt compelled to wear a fake gold cowboy necklace with a turtleneck (now that’s true western wear – in the hot-as hades western prairie sun, herding cattle). And, upon careful inspection, I remembered I am wearing a plaid, grossgrain ribbon tied into bow. Another non-western addition to the freaky adornment choice. Another friend thought it looked artsy - I think it is just bad.


7th grade: This is when I remember trying very hard to be hip and cool. I am wearing a brand-name shirt with Jordache jeans. I accessorized it with red hair bows, my newly pierced ears and a red belt - remember the ones with the changeable gold belt loops in different shapes. Mine were starfish - another out of nowhere choice. I had red espadrilles. This was also my first foray into bangs and experimenting with new hair styles. I was smokin'. Or, at least I really thought I was.


8th grade: Not sure what the deal was with the little white step stool (another gaffe by photographers) but I was beginning to grow out of the preppy era into the Esprit fetish. This photo was a mixture of these two styles and I am pretty sure I am wearing plastic shoes. Bangs are a little longer and I have an official Dutch boy haircut, which spawned one junior high nickname (Dutchy). The other was Spike (I kid you not). Long story. I had discovered a store at Westchester Mall called D. A. Kelly's which carried my beloved Esprit. My relationship with Esprit de Corp pinnacled with an assault to their only outlet (at the time) in San Francisco while on a family vacation. I completely over-dosed and like most over-dosed items in our lives wasn't able to wear much of it after 10th grade.


9th grade: Oh my! This is when Ansley convinced me to lighten my hair at the beach the summer prior to school starting. Does anyone remember Sun-In? Well, my hair actually turned more orange. Writer John Hughes' movies were all the rage (Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Sixteen Candles) and I felt the call to combine Molly Ringwald's hair with Anthony Michael Halls'. Throw in a dash of large hoop earrings and matching heather gray skirt and it was close, but not quite. photo of example here

Actually, now that I look at it - that is my 10th grade picture. I had braces on in 9th grade and that pictures is worth saving for the archives. Thanks, friend, for keeping that in the vault. And, hmmm, that photo I have labeled as 5th...maybe 3rd? Hey friend...can you double check the dates and let me know?

Red Light Stop, Green Light Go

I received the 'GREEN LIGHT' from the doctor and physical therapist today. A big PTL going His way!!! I was also told I am doing great for this point in time. I still have some restrictions and multiple therapy sessions to go, but the end is near!

A friend just asked me where I was so desperate to drive. Interesting question and well, it caused me to ponder for a moment. In my pre-ruptured disc life, getting in the car to drive was pure drudgery. It was late in the school year and the sometimes thrice daily trips to the school, errands, etc., had taken its toll. I was enjoying my time at home with Jay. The back and forth, and back and forth - I was just over it.

However, after two months of only two self-driven segments, I can say that not having that privilege at all will drive you BATTY! I could never be alone. I think that was the most taxing on me. There was always someone at my house and always someone in the car with me. Except for the walk to the doctor's office after my surgery, I can't remember a time of solitude during this ordeal. Well, maybe a couple of drug-like coma hours in the hospital, but that doesn't count.

Getting the green light to drive was, to me, indicative of my progress. It was another step closer to performing all of my responsibilities - ones I really enjoy and ones that I abhor. Either way, I want them back. Lounging in bed is fun...for a couple of days. Television, books, and of course, my computer get old. I am social creature and I have miss seeing my friends up close and personal. I have missed going to church (can't sit for that length of time, until now). Driving was just very symbolic to me because it was while engaging in this activity that I had the most intensive pre-surgery pain. Being able get behind the wheel today, pain-free, was just awesome.

What little pearls of wisdom have I gleaned over the past two months? Well, it is so incredibly cliche, but it is true. You can't appreciate what you have until it is gone. In this case I declare my praises to God for healing me, for giving me a car, for providing money for gas to put in it, and for the ability to be functional with my family. I don't forsee driving all around High Point just because I can. Nor do I have any place in particular, except for an oil change after dropping E and S off for basketball camp tomorrow. Oh, and maybe a car wash - my car is a filthy wreck!

We simplified our lives quite a bit during all this mess and I plan on keeping it that way. Of course, I write that knowing we plan on operating the business from the new warehouse on July 1st. I think Jay has sheltered me a bit from the insanity of owning your own business. Whatever, I say, oh, what a lovely, glorious, God-given road on which we are riding!

The list never ends...

A whirlwind of activity has descended upon our house over the past several days. My head is spinning in light of everything that is still ahead of us, too. We signed a lease on office/warehouse for the business. We are a little ahead of our time frame, but that is a good thing. To wrap your head around all the things you might need for a completely empty building is a little like trying to figure out who really won the 2004 presidential election.

We have two "employees" on the road this morning in a rental truck heading to pick up what we hope is some great de-installed equipment to sell. We ironed our logo onto several golf shirts so that everyone would look neat and tidy. I have to go today to set-up a business account for the utilities and get a business license from the city.

Alright. I started this entry this morning. It is now 9:20 PM. What a boring and dull post. This is what I have come to people. I am sure I am now the poster child for the "get a life or this could be you" cause. To be sure, I am beginning to fret about this metamorphosis. Most days I begin and end my day here. Sure, I pick up a devotional or two. I may even google (my new BFF) something I read in them, and then I am back at it. Someone who says she is my friend suggested that I try facebook to pass the time. I entered into that realm innocently enough and now I am a stalker...looking to see who I can badger from my past to "be my friend." And now this...writing about the mundane, basically nothing.

It all reminds me of my favorite Seinfeld episode where Kramer finds the set of the old Merv Griffin show in the dumpster and sets it up in his apartment. Neuman pretends to be his side kick and they pretend to have a talk show -complete with tape recorded applause. After a few tries, they realize that they have...nothing to talk about. So, they decide to spice things up a little with a more Jerry Springer sort of feel. You can read the details of the episode here .

I am not going to go Jerry on this blog, but maybe I need to reserve posting when God has made a profound statement in my life or in those around me. I am deliberating on the purpose and point of this blog. Why am I writing this and to whom? With that, I am taking a hiatus. I know myself, and more importantly, know that all of this rides on tomorrow, my first physical therapy appointment. If all goes well, I will receive the green light to drive again. There will be fewer entries and loud tire squeals out of the Millis Center. If I am still relegated to the house, be warned.

Dear Miss Three and a Half

Dear Miss Three and a Half,

This letter is to inform you that you have been put on probation effective immediately.

This probation is due to the following violations:

Hitting your fellow co-workers
Persistent attitude of superiority, i.e. thinking that you know it all
Not open to correction
Running away when called for
Anger mismanagement, i.e. spitting and throwing yourself down on the floor
Inappropriate reaction to negative criticism, i.e. whining and crying
Belief that television must be on in order to get work completed
Not listening to management
Hiding from management when in public places, particularly in stores with clothing racks
Occasionally showing up at the work place in inappropriate work attire, i.e. stripping of all clothing
Intermittent lack of personal grooming, i.e smell of urine because of waiting too long to go to the potty

After repeated warnings, consider this your final notice. The next violation will result in either 1. being sentenced to your cubicle until you turn four in August at which point the management feels you will change this behavior or 2. being shipped back with your Oma to the Netherlands.

Sincerely,
Mommy
President
Dumoulin household