She bends to her knees,
The moist dirt quickly staining her skin.
Her weight shifts forward, her hands working the ground.
Delicately and tenderly she pulls her pride to the side.
She grabs at the longs strands of grasses,
growing where they are forbidden.
Her shoulders, bare, begin to feel sweat dampen her skin,
Salty, warm, and tacky to the touch.
She inches her way down the rows,
clearing the path for her plants to flourish.
Dirt pulled from deep lands on her leg, her arm, her hair.
Darkened earth fills the unkempt nails on her fingers.
The richness of the earth is nearly intoxicating.
Its grit smoothes away the rough edges.
Her anxieties lessen.
The burdens of life leave her shoulders.
Resting on her heels, she sees victory.
Her accomplishment simple, but it is hers to claim.
Hers alone.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
A Girl and Her Bandages
A few years or so ago, my Sadie discovered what fun it is to play with ace bandages. Being one to make a fuss over letting her do something out of the norm, I put it away so that we would have it when the time came that we really needed to use it.
About six months ago, Sadie had a discussion with her great-grandmother. I have no idea how the topic came about. Oh wait. Yes, I do. My great-grandmother had an ace bandage on her leg covering a wound. Ever-curious Sadie asked her multiple questions including where she got her bandage. Imagine Sadie's glee when she learned that my great-grandmother was a collector of such bandages and was happy to pass a small tub of various sized bandages to Sadie.
Never to forget this momentous occasion, Sadie asked repeatedly when we could go see Gram to get her new toys. We had a swim meet in my great-grandmother's neighborhood and of course, stopped by her house after the meet. Sadie reminded me about the bandages and I dug through my grandmother's hall closet and collected more than 12 packed and rolled lightly tan-pink colored elastic bandages.
On the way home, I knew that I would need to set some ground rules on where and when to play with the bandages. 1) No wearing them in public 2) Do not put them anywhere but on arms and legs (certainly not necks) 3) Do not put them on your siblings unless requested and 4) Do not put them on the dog.
After much pleading, I relented and let Sadie wear one bandage out in public. She concocted some ridiculous story about tripping on a toy. Or, was it at the pool? I can't remember as the story changed faster than the number of our national debt, but each time it was met with a sympathetic nod by a stranger, and my eye rolling and sigh. She was thrilled.
About six months ago, Sadie had a discussion with her great-grandmother. I have no idea how the topic came about. Oh wait. Yes, I do. My great-grandmother had an ace bandage on her leg covering a wound. Ever-curious Sadie asked her multiple questions including where she got her bandage. Imagine Sadie's glee when she learned that my great-grandmother was a collector of such bandages and was happy to pass a small tub of various sized bandages to Sadie.
Never to forget this momentous occasion, Sadie asked repeatedly when we could go see Gram to get her new toys. We had a swim meet in my great-grandmother's neighborhood and of course, stopped by her house after the meet. Sadie reminded me about the bandages and I dug through my grandmother's hall closet and collected more than 12 packed and rolled lightly tan-pink colored elastic bandages.
On the way home, I knew that I would need to set some ground rules on where and when to play with the bandages. 1) No wearing them in public 2) Do not put them anywhere but on arms and legs (certainly not necks) 3) Do not put them on your siblings unless requested and 4) Do not put them on the dog.
After much pleading, I relented and let Sadie wear one bandage out in public. She concocted some ridiculous story about tripping on a toy. Or, was it at the pool? I can't remember as the story changed faster than the number of our national debt, but each time it was met with a sympathetic nod by a stranger, and my eye rolling and sigh. She was thrilled.
I don't know where to begin with all that has happened this summer. I feel like I have missed it with all that whirled by us in June.
After our trip overseas, the swim team season was in full swing and I learned a multitude of valuable lessons that I list here to prompt myself next summer.
1) Our year round swim program is really the only practice I should make mandatory. I noticed some deterioration to the kids' strokes as the season progressed and although the kids had a lot of fun at their summer team practices, they need the consistency of their year round coach more.
2) The fact that some children do not like ice cream, pizza, spaghetti, waffles or chicken fingers (versus nuggets which they do like) is incomprehensible to me.
3) Three swim teams is entirely too many.
4) Even your sweetest child has the propensity to cut her own hair, into a long mullet, trying to look like her sister.
5) Childhood friends just end up being the best friends you ever had.
6) Drama is still quite active in the world. I thank God that for the past several years I have been removed from it. It's absence in my life made that reality sting a little more than I would have liked. I need to perk up at the clues when it is coming and...RUN.
7) Speaking of running, I should practice that more often. If my heart is uneasy and my brain says something is not right, I should remove myself from the situation. Well, I think it is probably better to sum it up in the term, "slink quickly and quietly away." Do you see a theme forming here?
8) Getting a child's opinion is never necessary.
9) Sports bring out the best in people...and the worst.
10) My husband wants us around a lot more than I thought he did.
11) I am not sure that I buy that labeling someone gives them the right not to mature.
12) You are never too old for a night in a tree house.
13) It is imperative for me to not be swayed by people's opinion of my own children.
14) Hanging at home is surprisingly enjoyable, highly productive and extraordinarily stress-free.
15) Sometimes I am not as strong as I thought I was in who I am. High school insecurities have not been in my line of vision since well, high school. Why now? I should quietly slink away from those make me feel this way.
16) "Hair" is one of the last fights I will have with my children. Arrow-shaped mohawks are actually quite cool.
17) Growing a garden has brought me much joy and delight. Passing along produce to others is the cherry on the top.
18) My tendency to yell, has in turn, created yellers. It needs to stop.
19) Sunflowers are precious to my soul. Having one growing facing into my window instead of the sun is priceless.
20) Like 99% of all mothers, my children are the most valued things in my life. I will fight for them and protect them with everything I have. It is tough to walk away when you feel that is being questioned.
After our trip overseas, the swim team season was in full swing and I learned a multitude of valuable lessons that I list here to prompt myself next summer.
1) Our year round swim program is really the only practice I should make mandatory. I noticed some deterioration to the kids' strokes as the season progressed and although the kids had a lot of fun at their summer team practices, they need the consistency of their year round coach more.
2) The fact that some children do not like ice cream, pizza, spaghetti, waffles or chicken fingers (versus nuggets which they do like) is incomprehensible to me.
3) Three swim teams is entirely too many.
4) Even your sweetest child has the propensity to cut her own hair, into a long mullet, trying to look like her sister.
5) Childhood friends just end up being the best friends you ever had.
6) Drama is still quite active in the world. I thank God that for the past several years I have been removed from it. It's absence in my life made that reality sting a little more than I would have liked. I need to perk up at the clues when it is coming and...RUN.
7) Speaking of running, I should practice that more often. If my heart is uneasy and my brain says something is not right, I should remove myself from the situation. Well, I think it is probably better to sum it up in the term, "slink quickly and quietly away." Do you see a theme forming here?
8) Getting a child's opinion is never necessary.
9) Sports bring out the best in people...and the worst.
10) My husband wants us around a lot more than I thought he did.
11) I am not sure that I buy that labeling someone gives them the right not to mature.
12) You are never too old for a night in a tree house.
13) It is imperative for me to not be swayed by people's opinion of my own children.
14) Hanging at home is surprisingly enjoyable, highly productive and extraordinarily stress-free.
15) Sometimes I am not as strong as I thought I was in who I am. High school insecurities have not been in my line of vision since well, high school. Why now? I should quietly slink away from those make me feel this way.
16) "Hair" is one of the last fights I will have with my children. Arrow-shaped mohawks are actually quite cool.
17) Growing a garden has brought me much joy and delight. Passing along produce to others is the cherry on the top.
18) My tendency to yell, has in turn, created yellers. It needs to stop.
19) Sunflowers are precious to my soul. Having one growing facing into my window instead of the sun is priceless.
20) Like 99% of all mothers, my children are the most valued things in my life. I will fight for them and protect them with everything I have. It is tough to walk away when you feel that is being questioned.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
A good old-fashioned release of emotions
Ever felt like you wanted a do-over? Or better yet, just wanted to pretend that world outside your house didn't exist? The pressure cooker has hit its peak, or is it obvious?
I do not like drama and for the most part of my more mature life have done well to avoid it. Something happened in the last 2 months, however, and I have been sucked in like a black hole. Sometimes I have kept my feelings internal, sometimes I have not been able to contain them. Either way, I am having a hard time letting what others say not fester in that pot o' muck inside me.
I like blending into the background, skirting in the shadows, not making waves, being content with what I know and who I am. That has not happened lately and frankly, every time I turn around something or someone is figuratively slapping me in the face. Criticism...left and right. Stingers about my unruly kids, some ridiculous mess about a swim team, where my kids are swimming, questioning how much I really care about my kids, how much time I am spending away from my house, or too much time devoted to a worth cause, whispers of my name with darting eyes...yes, I see it.
I guess I have come to the conclusion that I am around a lot of people who are still relatively new to me. They don't know me and my heart - just as I don't know theirs. Therefore, they interpret actions, statements, etc. to be very different than my intentions. Gossip, morals, values, life's purposes and foci - all swirling around into some really bizarre and challenging outcomes and situations. I feel very out of sorts in every environment this summer. The perception is that I misstep at every turn and there is some sort of satisfaction at it being pointed out to me.
Maybe stick a fork in me. I am D-O-N-E.
I do not like drama and for the most part of my more mature life have done well to avoid it. Something happened in the last 2 months, however, and I have been sucked in like a black hole. Sometimes I have kept my feelings internal, sometimes I have not been able to contain them. Either way, I am having a hard time letting what others say not fester in that pot o' muck inside me.
I like blending into the background, skirting in the shadows, not making waves, being content with what I know and who I am. That has not happened lately and frankly, every time I turn around something or someone is figuratively slapping me in the face. Criticism...left and right. Stingers about my unruly kids, some ridiculous mess about a swim team, where my kids are swimming, questioning how much I really care about my kids, how much time I am spending away from my house, or too much time devoted to a worth cause, whispers of my name with darting eyes...yes, I see it.
I guess I have come to the conclusion that I am around a lot of people who are still relatively new to me. They don't know me and my heart - just as I don't know theirs. Therefore, they interpret actions, statements, etc. to be very different than my intentions. Gossip, morals, values, life's purposes and foci - all swirling around into some really bizarre and challenging outcomes and situations. I feel very out of sorts in every environment this summer. The perception is that I misstep at every turn and there is some sort of satisfaction at it being pointed out to me.
Maybe stick a fork in me. I am D-O-N-E.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Summer slows the writing down. I haven't been inspired to put my thoughts down because really life has been churning out much of the same incidents and routines. Well, except for the baby bird I found in Sadie's bed which she had been caring for about 4 days or so. But, really, that isn't very shocking for those that have frequented this blog. I was turned away from writing because I felt it was turning into "My Outstanding Kids." Of course, I know they are, but I don't need to write about them every time, now do I?
However, and there is always that word in my posts, events over the past week have changed a little of that and so I am ready to write this evening at 12:09 since I cannot sleep.
Humanity is disappointing. Though that sounds like a cynics statement, I find it almost uplifting. Because in every way that humanity fails, which is does constantly, God does not. My hope has to be found in Him, because otherwise, life would be a constant downer. There is nothing better than rising above the fray and soaring through life on His wind. Absolutely nothing.
And yet, I sit here, surprised that I have allowed myself to fall under the trappings of this world again. Trying to go through life with a teflon coating on is impossible. You have to feel, but when those feelings push you to act in anger or hurt, the ending result has never, ever been a positive one. At least in my experience.
Today seemed to be a culmination of several difficult situations around me coming to a head. It is one of those weeks where I want to hide out in my house until the storm of information is over, the latest shocking revelation has died. I want to pretend that the hurtful and hateful things that are occurring are not and those I love are happy and safe. I have done well maintaining composure and even some decorum. I know, shocking. Now, however, my heart is racing and hot. My thoughts seek out revenge. Someone must be put in their place.
Showing grace is a more difficult path than dismissing someone altogether. It says I am willing to put aside my own emotions in exchange for letting God take control and trusting the battle for one of His own is His. I pray tonight that I can have peace that God's will has been done. His will is perfect and therefore should receive all of my trust. Humanity will always disappoint. My hope is in Him alone. But, God, could you ease up on the weight of the disappointments...just a little?
However, and there is always that word in my posts, events over the past week have changed a little of that and so I am ready to write this evening at 12:09 since I cannot sleep.
Humanity is disappointing. Though that sounds like a cynics statement, I find it almost uplifting. Because in every way that humanity fails, which is does constantly, God does not. My hope has to be found in Him, because otherwise, life would be a constant downer. There is nothing better than rising above the fray and soaring through life on His wind. Absolutely nothing.
And yet, I sit here, surprised that I have allowed myself to fall under the trappings of this world again. Trying to go through life with a teflon coating on is impossible. You have to feel, but when those feelings push you to act in anger or hurt, the ending result has never, ever been a positive one. At least in my experience.
Today seemed to be a culmination of several difficult situations around me coming to a head. It is one of those weeks where I want to hide out in my house until the storm of information is over, the latest shocking revelation has died. I want to pretend that the hurtful and hateful things that are occurring are not and those I love are happy and safe. I have done well maintaining composure and even some decorum. I know, shocking. Now, however, my heart is racing and hot. My thoughts seek out revenge. Someone must be put in their place.
Showing grace is a more difficult path than dismissing someone altogether. It says I am willing to put aside my own emotions in exchange for letting God take control and trusting the battle for one of His own is His. I pray tonight that I can have peace that God's will has been done. His will is perfect and therefore should receive all of my trust. Humanity will always disappoint. My hope is in Him alone. But, God, could you ease up on the weight of the disappointments...just a little?
Thursday, June 10, 2010
After a week of feeling like my head was swirling around in a toilet, I think I am finally back on track. Not that I actually know how feels, but it seems like an apt description. My mind and body could not get wrapped around what day it was, what hour it was and what it was that I was supposed to do. I don't recall jet lag every having that effect on me, so maybe it is age.
I spent more time at pools this week than I think I have during any other time in my life. So much so that I am already a little dulled by it all. We have too many swimming options, practice options and opportunities to get wet that I am not making sound choices for the family. We must have some family time and this week it didn't happen. In fact, I am not sure I had a complete conversation with Jay all week. He never did get back on track with eastern standard time this week, often falling into bed at 8 pm and waking up at 4 am. Maybe I should have been the trooper and gotten up with him, but given how cantankerous I am in the morning, it would have been counterproductive.
Lily begins cheerleading camp this week. She is over the moon with this idea and she more than has the voice volume for it. She is the child that I am constantly telling, "Indoor voice, Lily. Use your indoor voice." Should be interesting. Swimming has not gone quite as I expected. I think the two weeks off from practice, the noise and lack of preparation for the meet on my part left her quite in a panic. At her first race, she jumped in a little late, came up for her first breath, heard all the noise and panicked. She promptly started crying and clung to the lane rope. I could do nothing but stand there and try to encourage her to keep swimming or get out. Basically, I was no help. Eventually, she swam under the lane line to the side and got out. We have at least gotten her back in the water and it appears her self-confidence is back. She can certainly swim the length of the pool, but came completely frozen when it came time to actually doing it when it counted. Could be a long summer ahead on the swim team.
I spent more time at pools this week than I think I have during any other time in my life. So much so that I am already a little dulled by it all. We have too many swimming options, practice options and opportunities to get wet that I am not making sound choices for the family. We must have some family time and this week it didn't happen. In fact, I am not sure I had a complete conversation with Jay all week. He never did get back on track with eastern standard time this week, often falling into bed at 8 pm and waking up at 4 am. Maybe I should have been the trooper and gotten up with him, but given how cantankerous I am in the morning, it would have been counterproductive.
Lily begins cheerleading camp this week. She is over the moon with this idea and she more than has the voice volume for it. She is the child that I am constantly telling, "Indoor voice, Lily. Use your indoor voice." Should be interesting. Swimming has not gone quite as I expected. I think the two weeks off from practice, the noise and lack of preparation for the meet on my part left her quite in a panic. At her first race, she jumped in a little late, came up for her first breath, heard all the noise and panicked. She promptly started crying and clung to the lane rope. I could do nothing but stand there and try to encourage her to keep swimming or get out. Basically, I was no help. Eventually, she swam under the lane line to the side and got out. We have at least gotten her back in the water and it appears her self-confidence is back. She can certainly swim the length of the pool, but came completely frozen when it came time to actually doing it when it counted. Could be a long summer ahead on the swim team.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
