Summer slows the writing down. I haven't been inspired to put my thoughts down because really life has been churning out much of the same incidents and routines. Well, except for the baby bird I found in Sadie's bed which she had been caring for about 4 days or so. But, really, that isn't very shocking for those that have frequented this blog. I was turned away from writing because I felt it was turning into "My Outstanding Kids." Of course, I know they are, but I don't need to write about them every time, now do I?
However, and there is always that word in my posts, events over the past week have changed a little of that and so I am ready to write this evening at 12:09 since I cannot sleep.
Humanity is disappointing. Though that sounds like a cynics statement, I find it almost uplifting. Because in every way that humanity fails, which is does constantly, God does not. My hope has to be found in Him, because otherwise, life would be a constant downer. There is nothing better than rising above the fray and soaring through life on His wind. Absolutely nothing.
And yet, I sit here, surprised that I have allowed myself to fall under the trappings of this world again. Trying to go through life with a teflon coating on is impossible. You have to feel, but when those feelings push you to act in anger or hurt, the ending result has never, ever been a positive one. At least in my experience.
Today seemed to be a culmination of several difficult situations around me coming to a head. It is one of those weeks where I want to hide out in my house until the storm of information is over, the latest shocking revelation has died. I want to pretend that the hurtful and hateful things that are occurring are not and those I love are happy and safe. I have done well maintaining composure and even some decorum. I know, shocking. Now, however, my heart is racing and hot. My thoughts seek out revenge. Someone must be put in their place.
Showing grace is a more difficult path than dismissing someone altogether. It says I am willing to put aside my own emotions in exchange for letting God take control and trusting the battle for one of His own is His. I pray tonight that I can have peace that God's will has been done. His will is perfect and therefore should receive all of my trust. Humanity will always disappoint. My hope is in Him alone. But, God, could you ease up on the weight of the disappointments...just a little?