Pregnant Summer

School orientation last night means that summer is coming to a screeching halt and school will begin in a mere 4 days.  Much of our adventures have been undocumented this summer and for the sake of remembrance, I will make a short synopsis here.  I say "sake of remembrance" because Jay firmly believes I have some sort of short-term memory issues invading my brain.  Maybe he is right.  Actually, now that I think about it, if I do have some sort of short-term memory lapses going on, then I won't remember much of this summer, right?  Oh never mind.

School let out in May and as documented in this blog, we headed for the Old Country to see Jay's parents.  Lovely trip.  The kids were fantastic traveling and Jay's host parents, Jimmy and Nancy, were in awe as well.  I have a wonderful peace when I am in the Netherlands.  Maybe it is the simpler lifestyle or the sounds of the language rolling off their tongues, maybe it is was just vacation.  It was the perfect kick-off to summer.

Upon our return, we dove head first into swim season.  Did you get that pun?  I made the mistake of signing the kids up for three swim teams this summer.  Even writing it, I wonder what was going through my brain at the time. Two summer league teams and one year round team kept us hopping from pool to pool and meet to meet.  In the end, we weren't really focused on anything more than packing bags and driving around in my car.  Progress was slow and sometimes not as evident, but the kids had fun with their summer league teams and friends.  Overall Sadie consistently came in second in each of her events, with an occasional first and third thrown in.  Ethan was a consistent fifth placer for the team and was counted on for the longer, more difficult event of the 100 IM. Lily's first meet was not quite what I had expected.  She jumped in, came up for air, heard all the people sheering and completely freaked out.  She grabbed the lane rope and I wasn't too sure she would give it up and swim to the side of the pool.  Thankfully, I can chalk it up to being completely unprepared for the noise, the experience of a swim meet with a little jet lag from our trip to Europe.  She recovered in time for the next meet and from then on, she jumped in and finished with no problem.  She even earned a few ribbons in the process which thrilled her little 5-year old heart to no end.

Interspersed with swimming were trips to go bowling, skating, to ArtQuest, and sleepovers with friends, piano lessons, time spent with Grandparents, away camp at Camp Lurecrest, Lily's first overnight guest, a day at Wet 'n Wild water park, a trip to Wrightsville Beach, golf camp, cheer camp and Barbie ballet camp.

Some highlights from the above include Ethan's return to Camp Lurecrest which he counted down the days until he boarded the bus in Charlotte.  It also marked Sadie's first foray into overnight camp.  She loved it and the letters home announced that she was not homesick at all!  Their first week after camp was the most delightful one for me as they were so well-behaved. They can't wait to return next summer!

Lily attended cheer camp at school and also Barbie ballet camp at a local dance studio.  She was thrilled with both, although coordination may not her strongest suit.  Still, she completed her little routines and performed with enthusiasm at the final shows of each event.  Lily was also treat to a day trip to Tweetsie Railroad while Ethan and Sadie were away.  A huge thanks goes out to my father and stepmom for this treat which translates to me not having to go back to Tweetsie ever again!  Yay!  She came home with a pink cowboy hat and wonderful memories. 

Some funny, or well, now funny moments over the summer include Lily's self-inflicted hair cut. Her efforts were best described as a long mullet with several chunks taken out of the back. Yes, I freaked out.  Thankfully, we had a even-keeled friend visiting at the time who promptly helped with procuring an appointment at a professional salon just a short time later!  Now, Lily sports a cute little bob which is really much, much easier to maintain.

Ethan and Lily had several things in common this summer - birthdays, birthday parties and lost teeth.  Ethan lost an incisor and Lily lost both top teeth leaving her with a little Dracula look.  Ethan celebrated his 10th birthday twice - once on his actual birth date which coincided with our trip to the Netherlands and then a pool party with his friends in July.  Lily celebrated her birthday with her family and two friends at Golden Corral (her choice!) and then at home.  Her party is this Sunday at the Rol-A-Rink.

Our trip to Wrightsville Beach was a nice cap to a full summer.  We only went for a long weekend, but it provided a nice burst of family time before school begins.  We had one crazy series of events that occurred on Saturday.  It all started when Sadie caught a live jelly fish in a bucket.  It was the "hit" with all the kids in our area of the beach.  The kids were all chanting, "Bury it! Bury it!"  However, not heeding this advice, Jay decided to throw it back into the ocean to "save it."  I could discuss his decision regrading the fate of the jellyfish, but I will continue with the story and let you make the call whether this was the correct one or not.  After flinging the jellyfish about two feet away from his position in the water which was about knee deep, the jellyfish did what most would have done, been forced to the short by the crashing waves.  The kids noticed it was coming back on shore and crept closer to see what it was doing.  At this point, it made it to shore and Lily, with her lack of coordination, tripped on nothing, her knee landing right smack onto the jellyfish.  Ouch.  I rushed my screaming child to the lifeguard who told me to put wet sand on the sting.  From this moment on, Lily refused to go back into the ocean, not even getting her feet wet.  And this is what Lily proclaimed she would write on her first piece of paper on the first day of first grade: "I went to the beach and got stung by a jellyfish and it hurt a lot."  Great.


Ethan and Sadie have been over the moon with golf camp this week.  Both have begged to continue with lessons after the camp is over. That leads me to our "school year schedule."  Typing those actual words give me serious anxiety.  I like simplicity although I rarely achieve it with my schedule.  This year looks to be the worst.  I am trying to figure out how I get myself into this type of mess and the bottom line is that I try to make life "fair" to each of my three kids while also giving them the best opportunities possible.  I know both of these philosophies are very worldly viewpoints and neglect the much more important "God first, then spouse, then kids" belief.

Hereis our tentative schedule:
Ethan:  Swimming M.W.TH, golf - to be determined (decided against scouts and music lessons this year)
Sadie:  Faith Academy on Tuesdays from 12:30 - 4:45, piano Thursday 1:30, swimming M.WTH
Lily: Swimming TH, Piano Tuesday 3:00, soccer - to be determined

Writing it out like that makes it appear fairly simple, but what it means is that no one gets home from their day until around 5:45 M-TH.  And on Tuesday, it will be later if Lily does soccer on that day.  I pushed Lily off of soccer all last year and feel like I have to at least let her try it because of her strong interest in it. It also means that Ethan will have to do homework on the go this year.  His ability to stay focused is tenuous at best and will the stress and anxiety of keeping up, staying on track and potential of becoming complacent be our downfall?  Time will tell.  I can always move swim days around and drop one altogether. Soccer will also end in early November.

The bonus of the schedule, I think, is that Sadie will not have homework or projects so that eliminates one issue at night.  Lily and I will have some alone time together while the other two are swimming as I plan on heading home during swim practice to start dinner.  I will also allow Ethan to stay up until 9 this year. The girls will hit the bed at 8, but giving Ethan the extra hour will give us more time together and give him some needed downtime after homework.

Homeschool.  I am waiting on two books, but have been able to make two weeks of lesson plans without them.  I have tentatively set Sadie up in the dining room as we are reworking our bonus room with cabinetry and desks.  What was once a playroom is being transformed into a study/hangout room for tweens.  I spoke with Sadie this morning to get a feel for where she was with all the changes.  She did not go with us to the orientation last night at school and I wondered what was going on in her mind.  She responded that she was really excited about staying at home this year.  Relief.

We have named our school Raritas Academy, which means rare and unique.  The requirements for the state include: registering your school, sending in the instructor's high school (or above) diploma, and then keeping attendance throughout the year.  I am not sure that end of year testing is required, but it doesn't matter because I plan on doing that anyway.  So, we are all set to start our first day of school on the same day as Ethan and Lily.  Jay was quick to point out that he already knew who would win the "Teacher of the Year" and "Student of the Year!"

If you have made it through all of this rambling, thanks. 

I don't know where to begin with all that has happened this summer. I feel like I have missed it with all that whirled by us in June. 

After our trip overseas, the swim team season was in full swing and I learned a multitude of valuable lessons that I list here to prompt myself next summer.

1) Our year round swim program is really the only practice I should make mandatory.  I noticed some deterioration to the kids' strokes as the season progressed and although the kids had a lot of fun at their summer team practices, they need the consistency of their year round coach more.

2) The fact that some children do not like ice cream, pizza, spaghetti, waffles or chicken fingers (versus nuggets which they do like) is incomprehensible to me.

3) Three swim teams is entirely too many.

4) Even your sweetest child has the propensity to cut her own hair, into a long mullet, trying to look like her sister.

5) Childhood friends just end up being the best friends you ever had.

6) Drama is still quite active in the world.  I thank God that for the past several years I have been removed from it.  It's absence in my life made that reality sting a little more than I would have liked.  I need to perk up at the clues when it is coming and...RUN.

7) Speaking of running, I should practice that more often. If my heart is uneasy and my brain says something is not right, I should remove myself from the situation.  Well, I think it is probably better to sum it up in the term, "slink quickly and quietly away."  Do you see a theme forming here?

8) Getting a child's opinion is never necessary.

9)  Sports bring out the best in people...and the worst.

10)  My husband wants us around a lot more than I thought he did.

11) I am not sure that I buy that labeling someone gives them the right not to mature.

12) You are never too old for a night in a tree house.

13) It is imperative for me to not be swayed by people's opinion of my own children.

14) Hanging at home is surprisingly enjoyable, highly productive and extraordinarily stress-free.

15) Sometimes I am not as strong as I thought I was in who I am.  High school insecurities have not been in my line of vision since well, high school.  Why now?  I should quietly slink away from those make me feel this way.

16) "Hair" is one of the last fights I will have with my children.  Arrow-shaped mohawks are actually quite cool.

17) Growing a garden has brought me much joy and delight.  Passing along produce to others is the cherry on the top.

18) My tendency to yell, has in turn, created yellers. It needs to stop.

19) Sunflowers are precious to my soul.  Having one growing facing into my window instead of the sun is priceless.

20) Like 99% of all mothers, my children are the most valued things in my life.  I will fight for them and protect them with everything I have. It is tough to walk away when you feel that is being questioned.

Breast, Back and Free

This year, we joined the local Elk's Lodge. Like many of its members, we did it for one reason: the pool. Prior to this summer, our kids were basic swimmers at best. We joined the YWCA this past winter in order for Jay to teach them how to at least tread water and swim across the pool using any means necessary. Clearly, Jay was not an expert swimming instructor, but he was making attempts to teach our children how not to drown. It has been an intense parenting goal for Jay that our children become strong swimmers, with me sort of lagging along behind in support.

It is no surprise then, to know that when Jay heard about a swim team for the kids at the Elk's, he insisted that our children join. It wasn't that I was opposed, it was that I knew it meant more work and shuttling than I had planned on this summer. Ethan wasn't particularly enthralled with the idea either and I knew that meant much encouragement and cajoling on my part. And so, swim practice began. Every. Day. Sometimes twice a day. Swim meets happen once or twice a week. Meets last at least 4 hours, longer if you count in the warm-up time. For the novice swimmer and parent, these meets are a bit overwhelming, chaotic, exciting and tiring. Overall, it is a hefty time commitment for what are to the be the "lazy days" of summer. I was completely not prepared for this entire venture, but probably not in a way you think. I was completely unprepared for how swimming has changed our lives.

For Sadie, my little crazy wild cat, swimming has become "her thing." Never have I seen her so completely delighted with any activity she has tried. And, we have tried quite a few. She always becomes bored before the season ends, particularly at practices. Not with swimming. At the first meet, Sadie realized that someone was chosen to swim the American flag across the pool while the national anthem was played. Setting her sights on this lofty goal, she set to work at the very next practice. She was very determined and after showing her newly, self-instructed "flag holding while swimming" skills to her coach, Laura, she was allowed to bear the flag at the next meet. She was thrilled.

At times (well, a lot of the time) I have difficulty embracing the confidence, the assertiveness and the zaniness that is Sadie. It was during this flag ordeal that I realized that she is who God created her to be, for a purpose. I doubt her purpose is small in nature because that just doesn't seem to fit her very large personality. Therefore, I realize that I need to sit back and just watch it happen instead of worrying over the details and constantly trying to restrain her.

My best guess as to why swimming appeals to Sadie is that it combines a lot of physical activity, competition and socializing - all essential components to her happiness. After the last meet, I asked her, very casually, if she wanted to continue swimming. Her response, "I want to swim, forever and ever and ever." Therefore, I now find myself inquiring about year-round swimming programs.

For Ethan swimming has not come as easily. His first foray on the swim team comes at a time when most kids have been swimming a couple of years. At the 9-10 age level, you are required, for the first time, to swim the lane down and back, not just down once as in the 8 and under. He barely knew how to do free style, let alone any other strokes. Ethan is also my child who is fiercely afraid of how he looks to others, afraid if someone will laugh at him and or of failing. He resisted the entire idea of the swim team and after the first practice declared that it was too tough. He asked if he could quit. I said no. After the first meet, when he came in last place in the last heat, he was nearly in tears and begged me to take him home. I said no. That was a tough one, but I held firm. During his next event, my heart was in my stomach as he battled out of last place. Again, he came to me trying to be brave though tears welled in his eyes. I mustered every single "word of encouragement" and "rising to the challenge" verbiage I could during the ride home. It was a tough night to be a parent. Later that week, he came down with sickness and then went to Weeblo/scout camp leading him to miss a meet and several practices. Once he returned, he asked to just practice with the team and not have to do the meets. I said no, again. I did opt to invest in a couple of private lessons with one of the coaches in hopes of improving his strokes a tad, thus building his confidence for the next meet.

And so, the stage was set for our meet this past Tuesday. I told him all he had to do was improve on his time. Actually, that has been our mantra for this entire season. I ask, "Who are you swimming against?" The answer is "me." Or, "What are you swimming for?" The answer is, "To improve my time." To add to the incentive, I offered up the prize of beef jerky for any improved time. And here is where I must give kudos to his coach, Taylor. He heard of this little prize and gave the challenge to Ethan...shave off 2 seconds of his time and Taylor would get him the beef jerky. The time came. Ethan dove in. He gave it his all while Taylor cheered for him down the entire lane. He touched the wall...and had shaved 8 seconds off his time. He was beaming. I was elated. Several of the coaches, including Taylor, were there to pat him on the back. Did he win the race? No, not by a long shot. But, what I saw in Ethan's eyes and in his heart was worth more than that. He didn't care that he hadn't won the race. He was thrilled knowing he had accomplished more than he thought capable. He had learned a fantastic life lesson about perseverance and commitment. And, as we left the meet, Ethan said to me, "Actually, I can't wait to do it again." Yes, I had tears.

It would seem a bit strange that an activity that is geared toward my children would have an impact on me, personally. However, if you have read my blog for any length of time, you know I have been in a bit of a funk. Actually, a 2-year vastly fluctuating, emotional funk. My pleasure in socializing pretty much vanished after Ansley died. Grief, sorrow and bit too much introspection led me to isolate myself. Unfortunately, a little isolation snowballs into more isolation. Before you know it, you are nearly a hermit. Thrust into the swim crowd on a daily basis has reminded me how enjoyable other people can be. It is amazing, really, that I am sad the season is nearly over.

Not to leave Lily out of the mix...she was able to join the Jr. Elk's team. She has evolved from not wanting to get her head wet to diving into the water and swimming a crude little freestyle for about 15 yards. She loves going to the pool and I can see how this has improved her social skills just in time for kindergarten.

Finally, this post about the swim team would not be complete without mention of the young adults that are employed as the swim coaches. They have restored my faith in this next generation. Sure, I know I am not privy to all the behind the scenes. However, I do see dedication, organization, leadership, instruction, compassion, concern and a genuine desire for these young swimmers to succeed. One example is in Ethan's coach, Taylor, who had me write down his mobile number. Taylor will be out of town during the next swim meet and he asked me to have Ethan call him right before his free-style event. Ethan just beamed upon hearing the request. The head coach, Laura, is just beyond her years in her leadership, organizational skills and enthusiasm. And, the other coaches, Chris and Brooke among others, call my children by name, ask about them, request hugs, dole out compliments and encouragement. I doubt they understand, fully, what positive influences they have been on the Dumoulin clan.

In regards to next summer...well, I'll just quote Ethan, "Actually, I can't wait to do it again."

May 2009

The craziness that is the end of the school year will come to a close today with the celebration of Ethan's birthday party at the Greensboro Grasshopper's. The month of May is strongly competeing with December for the busiest time of year for our family. Actually, this year, I might say it superceded it on the stress meter. Here are a few highlights as well as some updates on where the kids are at this stage of their lives. Alert...blog post documenting my children therefore, parental bragging is inevitable. Proceed with caution.

Henry, my (step)brother, was married two weeks ago. I love his wife, Alana, and am thrilled she is a member of our family. My other (step)borther, John and his family arrived from East Asia for a two-month sabbatical from their lives as missionaries. It is awesome to have the family together agian after two years.

Each of my children had parts in the wedding. Ethan helped to distribute programs while Sadie and Lily were flower girls. All performed their duties well, but there were some very frustrating moments during the wedding ceremony. I was sitting on the front row with the girls waiting for my time as a reader. My girls just couldn't sit still and not talk. Right before I was to stand to read, Lily decided she needed to lay down on my lap and refused to sit up. I began to become frantic, but at the right moment she sat up so I could complete my role. However, as I was standing, Sadie decided to start crawling around on the floor, looking for a crayon. So, I did what every mom would do, start gently kicking her child to get her back up on the pew, all while reading the bible without a pause. After I finished, I sat down, turned to look at Jay who was a pew behind me. He saw the stress on my face and mouthed the words, "I am so sorry. I love you." At least he commiserated with me and my frustration. Thankfully, only those in the very fornt pew, containing family only, could see their constant state of movement and my "satanic-death-mean mommy" looks in their direction. I was the poster mom of how NOT to exhibit love in your facial expressions.

School ended on the 28th, also Ethan's 9th birthday. All the kids had great school years. I know that sentence doesn't really say much, but without a doubt we have been blessed with wonderful teachers every year.

Ethan: We struggled at bit, again, with responsibility this year. The year began with a long lecture about keeping up with his belongings. After the second day of school, Ethan lost his jacket. He did find it a few days later hanging over the stair railing at school. I did see a bit of growth in this area throughout the year, thank goodness. Yet, my little space cadet did lose his lunch box with a week left of school. He found it, however, as he walked by the humongous pile of lost and found on the last day of school. Seriously, that pile of clothing, bags, etc. could outfit another school. Incredible. This summer we will work on controlling our sensitivity and emotions, along with finding our self-confidence in who we are in Christ, rather than how the world defines us.

Academically, Ethan excelled. We never struggled with studying for tests or in homework and I am truly, truly thankful for that. He ended up with all As, and one B throughout the year. Ethan was particularly disappointed with the one B. He missed the A by one point and that one point prevented him from being on all A honor roll for the year. He is motivated for next year. He had a very detail-oriented teacher this year so I know he is very prepared for 4th grade.

At the end of the year, every child at HPCA is given an award. Ethan received the bible award which I assume had something to do with his 100 average in this subject. Maybe he is spouting off some sort of biblical interpretation and encouragment at school, too, I don't know. After receiving his award he announced to me that maybe he will be a preacher, too while serving as our nation's President. You go, Buddy! Ethan is learning how to discern good and bad situations, friends that are making good and not-so-good choices. His teacher told me that Ethan is very funny, sweet and a joy to have in her class.

When asked what he likes to do, Ethan answered playing with legos, playing the playstation and playing with his airsoft gun. He also enjoys reading and playing basketball. That last one is news to me.

Sadie: We saw a lot of progress in Sadie's behavior this year. There were times when she was 3 and 4 that I truly wondered if she would be able to actually exist in a classroom setting. Her choices in relationship to others and herself at those ages sometimes defied logic and were very concerning. Now, I sit here seeing a maturing little girl who still struggles with self-control and self-discipline at times, but more often than not is making good choices. One area in which Sadie seems to have no problems is responsibility. I never have to remind her to do her homework, or get her bags for the car in the morning. She just does it. We will continue to work on self-control this summer - in blurting out mean statements due to her own hurt emotions and in obedience to requests made of her.

Academically, Sadie ended up with all O+'s for the entire year - perfect marks. She received the National Fitness Award which was something I always wanted to receive, but never did achieve while I was in school. And, her end of the year award was for Art. I would say a very well-rounded child.

We went to the library this week. Sadie had ventured over to the paperback books. After a few minutes I checked to make sure she was alright. I was tickled to see her sitting in a chair, engrossed in a book. I so want my children to adore reading. Two down, one to go!

For the second year, Sadie had the same teacher. This teacher moved up from kindergarten to first grade and there were 4 kids who were blessed to have her for a second year. I give most of the credit for Sadie's growth to this amazing teacher. We have been simply blessed. After we left school on the last day, Sadie just cried and cried and cried because Mrs. Newell would no longer be her teacher. The rumor is that she is moving back to kindergarten and my prayer is that Lily will be assigned to her classroom next year!

When asked what she likes to do, Sadie answered playing in the pool, playing with mom, going to the creek to find crayfish and salamanders, drawing pretty pictures.

Lily: She remains the most loving child...constantly asking for snuggle, telling me how much she loves me, asking me to rub her leg, foot, arm, back, etc. Yesterday, after her gymnastics recital, she plopped in my lap and announced, "Mommy, I just can't stop loving you."

Lily has shown a lot of progress, particularly in the last couple of months in her fine motor skills. Her writing skills are now up to par for kindergarten and her coloring is much neater and in the lines. She loves school and was the only one of my children to respond with a "YAY!" when I announced I had purchased summer workbooks. The other two groaned, of course. She just loves school and that was one reason we decided to push her onto kindergarten next year, despite an August birthday. Speaking of birthdays, Lily has been discussing hers since last year. It has been heightened by the advent of Ethan's birthday this week. She has it planned to the last detail, including what she is going to wear.

Lily is working on her response to the word, "no" when stated by anyone other than herself. Right now, we are in a crying loudly phase. I have no doubt that we have indulged her a bit as the baby of the family. Even Ethan shares in the blame for this one as he will do anything to not hear her cry or have her rebuff him. Regardless, it is time to push her to grow up a bit this summer.

When asked what she likes to do, Lily answered doing crafts, go outside to play and swim.

Me: I will begin a new bible study this summer after nearly a two year absence from a formal study. It will be good to be back into the word, consistently after such an absence. The kids are signed up for several camps - soccer, scouts, dance, music camp and lessons, swim team, etc. And, we are all helping to serve at vbs that our church is hosting for a specific disadvantaged neighborhood. Ethan will have his first overnight camps this summer. First is weeblo/scout camp for three nights. In July, he will attend Lurecrest Camp for 5 nights. It makes me nervous for him, but there are two counselors from our church working there and I trust they will keep an eye out for him.

We joined the Elk's pool, finally, and I was thrilled to learn last night that they have wifi by the pool. Is it ridiculous to think I might get some writing done by the pool this summer? I am hoping to reconnect to my love of reading, too.

As far as my main writing project...it is still that, a project. Writing took a back seat for the most part of May. I have four ideas floating around that I want to explore this summer, I am sure none to completion, but I am going to plow forth. 1) Jay's story for our children. From arriving in the U.S. with nothing, working fast-food jobs, to owning his own company 2) Writing about my mixed heritage background. This will require some investigation and interviewing, but there is a definite story here. 3) Ansley's journey from a sister's perspective. This is the one most likely to be completed in a timely manner as much is already written in the form of email updates. 4) Most compelling to me and the most difficult to write - my own journey in the search for authenticity and transparency.

Jay asked me last week, "So, what are you going to do in the fall when all the kids are in school?" That is a great question. I guess I have two months to figure it out!