The Likelihood of Survival

The following statement was from a man whose tandem parachuting partner died from a heart attack during mid-jump. He was able to remain calm because as he said:

"The likelihood of you surviving, you know, decreases absolutely amazingly by factors exponentially if you panic," he said.

Hmmmm. It took me a few years of my life to realize that I have a higher than normal ability to panic. I have no, nada, zero, zilcho useful skills when it comes to emergency situations. Heck, might as well just put normal, every day situations in that category as well. Though I may appear to have it all together, underneath it all, my mind is just churning with the absence of rational thinking. I make the following argument, though I doubt many who know me really well will wonder why I even make the effort. They already know the truth.

Case #1:
Car collision with lake on Willie Bodenheimer Road 1988
The reality is that I was a very inexperienced driver behind the wheel of a 1979 black Ford pick-up truck with no power anything and only an AM radio to keep me company. It was a Goliath of a machine and I had to sit on two pillows in order to maneuver the beast. It was a cold March morning and I had my highly valued term paper on the uni-seat beside me. Willie B. Road was one that I drove on my way to and from school and was not a "paved" road, but a rural road comprised of tar and loose gravel. As I turned onto the road, my time-wasted, yet, coveted paper went flying into the floorboard. Mistake #1 - I reached down into the floor board to retrieve it, thus taking my eyes off the road. As I peered through (not over) the steering wheel I realized that I was off the ride-hand side of the road. I could hear the driver's instructor's voice in my head. "If you run off the side of the road...DO NOT PANIC. Slowly bring it back onto the road." Mistake #2 - The use of the phrase "Don't panic" only increases panic. I did try to bring it back onto the road, but instead of releasing the gas or even better, braking, I pressed the pedal harder in my attempts to "not panic." The truck began to fishtail. And, off to my left I saw it - the pond, complete with geese. I knew at that moment, without a shadow of a doubt, that I was going in it with my truck. So, I just...let...it... happen. The water was about hip deep as I exited the truck. As I made my way (paper in hand, by the way),to the shore, I took one little glance back and saw the pillows floating away. Imagine calling your dad on that one.

Case #2:
Fire in a large convention building in the Netherlands 1994
I was speaking to a group of Dutch girls to recruit them to be au pairs in the U.S. It was an informational meeting and while speaking, a lady came into our room, following by a medium amount of smoke. She calmly said, "There is a fire outside our room, we need to exit the building." On the outside, I remained calm. I didn't say anything. I didn't start screaming or wailing my arms around. We were asked to get our things and follow the fire exit signs. Which I promptly did. Once outside the building, I found that I had a pocketbook, which not my own and...a stapler. Yes, I was the hero that day as I saved the stapler from certain death. Or, did I think could use the stapler to stamp out the fire? Who knows? What I do know is that I did NOT have my complete faculties about me and just needed something in both hands in order to leave that room.

Case #3:
Driving in mountains in Washington State vacation trip 1999
Jay and I took a one year anniversary trip to Seattle to visit friends. While there, we decided to camp one night in some mountain range. Was it Mt. Olympus - I think, but my memory of that is fuzzy. What I do remember, quite clearly is that morning Jay was feeling flu-like and decided to sleep in the backseat during the drive leaving me alone to navigate. I didn't want to miss the opportunity to make this scenic drive and catch a glimpse of Canada (I know, why?) from a towering mountain top. As I drove up the mountain, my heart began to beat faster and faster. Those were really steep drop-offs (even though I was on the inside of the road). There weren't a lot of barriers to prevent one from driving off the side. And I could see myself driving right...off...the...side of the mountain. I started to emit little panicky noises. I checked the speedometer - I had slowed to a snail pace of 10 mph and couldn't muster the strength to increase my speed, despite the enormous amount of traffic behind me. The last curve was a doozy as you couldn't see any road ahead just this curve into nowhere. As I rounded the corner I saw it...the parking lot. I parked, facing another drop-off, and seriously thought the car was continuing to roll even though the emergency brake was on. I exited the car and laid down flat onto the pavement for what seemed like hours until Jay popped his head up and asked me what I was doing. He had missed the entire episode. Needless to say, he drove us down the mountain while I laid down in the back.


Case #4:
Birth of second child 2001
Having been through this already once, you would think that I might have worked out all of the panic possibilities. Alas, I had not. Child #2 was brought into this world by induction. In the delivery room there were two nurses getting me prepped and ready. While I was answering questions to the one nurse (are you allergic to anything, etc.), another nurse was preparing the iv. Now, I have had tons of ivs. Never an issue. But, for some reason this particular morning, I was fixated. I thought she was going to stick me before I had a chance to "prepare." I thought she wouldn't even let me know what she was going to do and just go for the jab. But, for some reason I didn't think to ask the interviewing nurse to pause, so I could make my concerns known. Instead, my body went into a tailspin. I began to get dizzy, my eyesight blurry, my head light. All I could mutter was...I don't feel so good. They took my bp and it was something like 56 over 40! No wonder! My brain was being deprived of oxygen all because I couldn't say, "wait."

Obviously, I do not have a "high likelihood of survival." I rest my case.