Sometimes...

Playing with water balloons, placing them in your shirt to look well-endowed...curious.
Filling them with warm water so they are a bit more comfortable...smart.
Wearing them out in public for several hours before your mother notices...CRAZY!

The kids have been changing and I have not documented a thing.  Even my photography has fallen behind. I discovered that when I was creating calendars for Christmas presents that the month of January contained only a couple of photographs.  I am sure my kids will forgive me for missing ONE month of their lives, but I know that 2010 will be an easy, easy year to scrapbook.  I don't think I have one photo of Ethan in his Halloween costume or at his Christmas play.  It wasn't just Ethan either.  Everyone got a bit short-changed this year, including me and blogging.

I have to let it go.  It was beginning to stress me out.  There were times when I felt the urge to write.  I felt I had something to put into visual words, but time slipped away.  As soon as the mood struck, it was gone again.  So, I have a little look at my year at the beginning, but with some gaping holes here at the end.  Here is my attempt to connect some dots.

In October we took an extended family trip to Doughton Park in NC.  It is only about an hour and a half from the house, but the landscape changes quite dramatically and suddenly, you are in the mountains.  It is rustic and a lesser travelled area of the Blue Ridge Parkway which we really like.  The hiking trails are gentle and there are plenty of apples to pick along the way.  This year's trip couldn't have been any better.  The weather was gorgeous and we had a lot of down time just lazing around on a blankets under trees while the kids explored the areas around us.  I can still feel the warmth of the sun, the gentle breeze while reading a great book. 

Later in the month, we had a swim meet which yield some pretty decent drops.  The swim meet fell on the same day as the BBQ Festival in Lexington which I did not realize until after we had signed up for the meet.  We had to miss the festival which was very disappointing for the kids.

Next, we went with the swim team to the CORN MAZE just outside of High Point.  The kids also went panning for gems and minerals there.  That place is fun, but a bit of a racket.  I don't really enjoy wandering around in a corn field, but we were with another family who had a wonderfully keen sense of direction.  That made it a bit more bearable.

The elimination of market renting was a bit of a surprised to us, but in the end turned out to be a nice break from the hectic Octobers we have experienced in the past.  I miss having the clean house, but not the move.  I have been slowly cleaning out the house over the past months as the house just needs it twice a year if I want to maintain some sanity.

Halloween quickly approached and the kids chose the following as their costumes:

Ethan:  a banana (bizarre and completely not understandable)

Sadie:  Diva Ladybug (taking a sweet ladybug to another level)

Lily:  Pumpkin Princess (very cute)

Although we bought pumpkins this year, we never got around to carving them.  See, I told you it was a terrible year for traditions.   Ethan went to Halloween sleepover on the night that the girls went to our church trunk or treat.  Thus, I have a picture of the girls and not him.  We went trick or treating the next night in Willow Creek, but I forgot the card to my camera. We didn't have time to stop by our neighbors or to go to the church down at the end of our street because it was a school night.  Again, more traditions that were not upheld.  But, the kids had fun and that is really the point of it, right? 

Ethan brought home a report card with one B, the rest As.  I felt terrible for him because the B was only one point away from an A. If he received all As, then he would get texting on his Ipod, but alas he didn't.  Frankly, I can deal without him having the texting for quite a bit longer.  Therefore, it might be the only time I am happy for him to get a B. Ethan lost three teeth in the last week.  A little strange, but I understand quite normal for this age.  He seems to have settled into school and found his place in his class. Socially, he fluctuates between groups, which I think it probably best.  He has been quite helpful and responsible lately.  In fact, I would almost say that I see some maturation regarding taking ownership of schoolwork, swimming and life, in general.  The results have been a higher level of success in all areas.  It has been a great life lesson for him to see what hard work can achieve. 

Sadie, based on my grading, also received all As.  Homeschool is moving right along and the only subject area in which we seem to struggle is getting her motivated to write.  She can do it, but it isn't her preference.  Instead, she gravitates towards math.  I taught her how to do long division yesterday.  Her response, "I could do this all day.  I loooooovvvee this!"  Clearly, I did not contribute to that part of her being.  An area in which I must make more effort is in her socialization.  Sadie loves to be around people and thrives on playdates with friends. Despite swimming several times a week and her attendance at Faith Academy every Tuesday, Sadie lacks the amount of interaction that she needs.  Therefore, I am going to add some classes through High Point Home Educators on Monday that will not interfere with her regular schoolwork.  They are merely add-on, fun classes like cake decorating.  In general, I see more maturation with her choices and self-control.  After much deliberation and indecisiveness and several conferences later, Sadie has decided to continue swimming.  She took a week off to decide and ultimately determined that she does like it enough to continue.  I won't get into all the details that I think contributed to the seesawing, but in the end, she made the decision.

 Lily had a perfect O report card and loves school and her friends.  When there was a snow day this week, she cried because she wanted to go to school.  What a difference this year makes!  She has developed into a fantastic reader and I imagine she will be in full-on chapter books by the end of the school year.  She reads with such expression, too, which is so cute.  She is still ridiculously in love with snuggling and hugs.  And, she still does not have her front two teeth.  They have been out since June, but the dentist assures me that they are there, just slow to come in.  I don't know that I can say she has improved in swimming, but she likes it.  I am sure she has, but she is not the most coordinated little child.  It will take a little while.

So, we enter into November.  Sadie turned 9 and had a spa party at a place called Arts 2 Zebras.  Many girls from her class last year came which made Sadie feel good.  Her cousin, Gray, was notably absent, but that is just the situation at the moment.  Jay took her to get her ears' pierced which was a cool dad/daughter thing.  She has been asking to have this done for well over a year and we linked it to some behavior changes.  She feels very grown-up now.  We had the family here for Thanksgiving and the turkey, injected with spices and deep-fried, was divine.  For once, the family hung out for most of the day watching movies, playing games, etc.  My mom, Aunt Sue, Ethan and I played a game called WhooNu.  We laughed so hard - well, really cackled, that Ethan wondered, out LOUD, how any of us got married.  He said we were just too loud.  Oh, the words of a 10 year old!  Somewhere in this month we had some family portraits done, the results of which are nothing short of miraculous.  Editing is a wonderful thing and I could not be happier with the shots.  Later, the girls and I attended the High Point Christmas parade.  It stung just a tad that Ethan did not want to go this year.  However, we enjoyed watching the various groups.  It was a little nice to know that Ethan regretted his decision upon our return home.

December has rolled around and with it, I have tried to redeem some of our family traditions.  All the Christmas cards and party invitations have been mailed.  The presents are purchased and mostly wrapped.  We had our annual Christmas Craft Saturday with one other family where we made several ornaments.  And, we have completed this year's service project, Bags for the Bus Stop.  The kids made goody bags with hand warmers, candy, hand sanitizer, lip balm, a hand written note, and a few other things to give out at the central bus stop in our town.  Living here, you almost have to have a car, because public transport is just not that widely available.  The bus stops usually don't have shelter and the wait times can be long.  Last week, I pulled the van up and let the kids pass out over 40 bags to the people waiting.  They were so graciously received.  Some of the older ladies even hugged the kids and said, "God bless you."  The kids returned to the car glowing and excited.  Giving is always more rewarding that receiving.

Another swim meet yielded our best results of the season.  The hard works is finally paying off for Ethan as he had 4 new time cuts and is very close to 2 more cuts of the next level.  Sadie is now ridiculously close to new time cuts in 6 events.  I expect a bit of a blow-out at the next meet.  Overall, the kids seem satisfied with what they are achieving and therefore, I need to be as well.

The school Christmas program was Tuesday.  Ethan played the part of one of the WEE three kings.  It was the most hilarious part of the program.  It was a perfect fit for him.  That was his last Christmas program.  Sniff sniff.   Lily was very into the program and performed her songs and motions quite enthusiastically. 

The remainder of the traditions include a drive to look at holiday lights, a visit to Santa and a piano recital on Sunday.  We also have our company Christmas party and our little friend party this week.  I have some baking to do and of course, cleaning and grocery shopping in preparation.  Should be a hectic, but really joyous week!

Hope is a funny thing.  It is so connected with faith and perserverence, yet it often takes a backseat. In a world where we constantly live for the next big moment, hope is shuffled off, shown the door until the moment arrives.  I think there are very few people who can maintain hope through a series of big events that feel like a slap machine set on fast forward and aimed at their face.

I am guilty.  Guilty of pushing my kids a bit in some areas and not allowing them to always choose the direction of their lives. I do it often under the guise of knowing what is best as their parent.I have applied pressure to succeed in areas that they showed some talent, but just weren't interested in participating.  I know I am not alone in this fault.

The obvious first arena where this is most often witnessed is in children's sports. This day, everyone wants to push to the next level. We can't just play recreational soccer one day a week, we have to try out for special teams, travel out of town, attend special clinics. We can't just learn how to swim for the enjoyment and fun of it, we have to practice 3-5 times a week, travel to weekend meets and clock our kids' times. Their success (dropped time) or failure (added time) can dictate our mood for the weekend.

I have seen it in school and academics as well. Parents who copy schoolwork and workbooks to prevent an unsavory grade. What good does this serve the child? It kept the child on all A honor roll. Is this a reflection of his determination and hard work, or the parent's need to see their child's name on that published list?

Do we do it out of fear of our kids not being the best at whatever they are doing? Is it a one-up-man mentality? Are we always try to stay ahead of the game? Do we view our kids' success as a reflection on our success?

This past weekend, my family opted to forgo attending a swim meet. One meet would have sent us out of state for the entire weekend. The other, closer to home, would have gobbled up part of a Saturday and Sunday. It would have been Sadie's last 8 and under meet and she could have done quite well, possibly winning a couple of events. It was also the last attempt at achieving a new time standard which would have put the kids in a higher level meet in December.

Instead, we attended a magic show as a family. One child was able to attend a sleepover birthday. We attended a wonderfully powerfully and spiritually magnificent basketball game to raise funds for a boy whose cancer has relapsed. One child attended a Renaissance Fair and developed a friendship that is not part of his every day circle. I painted, cleaned and prepared for the week ahead.  It was a relaxed, no-pressure, no stress weekend.


Sometimes I think if everyone would just play by the same rules - no organized sports, no homework, no afterschool activities,  no personal electronics or cell phones UNTIL MIDDLE SCHOOL then would kids be forced to be more like kids?  Can you imagine a world like that?

Tell me your thoughts.

Recently, I shipped 16 camcorder cassettes across the country to be converted to DVDs.  It was with much intrepidation that I boxed them up and sent them via UPS. I checked on the tracking number hourly as they crisscrossed their way across the nation and back.  Finally, the package arrived at our home, the contents of which held six of the most eventful years of our lives.  It has been pure joy to watch these DVDs, the start of which coincides with my rehearsal dinner, wedding and honeymoon and ends shortly before the birth of Lily.  By then, we purchased a new camera then which was easier to download and edit on the computer.

To watch the beginning of your family, your first house, the birth of two children, moving, vacations, Christmas mornings, children playing and singing, sweet conversations between family and precious memories of those no longer with you...well, it is without words.  I have cried sweet tears of remembrance and I have laughed until my stomach ached.  Remembering life so fresh and new, so full of opportunity and anticipation has been soothing to my soul.

What has been most remarkable is watching my children speak, learn and interact in their toddler years.  They were precious, but sadly it seems lifetimes ago.  I don't recall much of what is on the tapes.  As I watched, their sweet, barely discernible voices (none of mine were ever clear talkers) filled my heart.  Their innocence bursting through, their hearts so open and believing of our God, yearning to hear about Him, talk about Him and sing about Him.  If they were those ages today, I would surely gobble them up!

Oh, the promises of those days.  The days were filled with nothing to do but mother and keep up a house. Not to down-play those tasks, as God knows the toddler years and the hours of 5 pm - 7pm are just about as dark as it gets.  However, these days, my additional duties include driving an activities cab, cramming in homework, chores, emotions that are simply inconsolable, afterschool activities, one homeschooler, world war three squabbles all the while pointing to God as I yell, "Get in the van!" 

For all the wonderful years that are behind us, how exciting to recognize how much of their lives are in front of them. Who will they be?  What will they be? What choices will they make?  For now, I'll be content reliving the past captured on those DVDs.

Anxiously, she sat on the edge of her seat, scanning to see a sign of him. She looked back at me excitedly, "I think I see him!"  She looked back to confirm her discovery only to turn and say, "No, that isn't him."  It must have felt like eternity for her,  the parking lot for a sign of his arrival. 

Her eyes lit up, her face broke a grin that was larger than her face and she ran to him as he sauntered down the sidewalk to our table.  She lept into his arms, warping her lithe legs around his, clinging to him as if she would never let him go.

An answer to "instability"

A little over a month ago I wrote this post. 

I received many responses from the post, mostly out of concern.  First, let me say that sometimes you just need to vent.  A raw, realistic view of my anger and feelings of defeat were in that post.  I surmise that most people experience such reactions to the world at some point.  However, one thing that I did not clarify in the post was the cause of my ire and what provoked the rant.

It was me. I alone am responsible for my reaction to circumstances.  No matter how warranted it is perceived, it isn't correct if it is a sinful reaction.  The world should be able to bang on my door, barge right on in, taint everything around me, yet, not penetrate my soul.  I let it.  I don't blame anyone but myself.  I am a sinner.  I allowed my response to not be Godly, not at all.  I reacted very, very poorly.  I wish I could take it away and claim that I rose above it all, but I can't.  I mired in it, rolled around in it, stepped into the pit and stunk.

My complete meltdown was a result of realizing my failure, once again.  My anger was pointed straight into my heart.  I long for the return of Jesus so that this will end once and for all. PRAISE GOD earth is the closest to hell that I will ever see.

Maybe I could have held strong had it not been for the depression that has been lurking around, sometimes wrecking havoc in my brain for several years now. Nah.  Couldn't have done it at all without Him.  He wasn't placed first in all of this.  I took control, unfortunately.

Having confessed my heart to God and getting right with Him, meeting with my doctor, and taking some time away from the daily grind has turned my path.  My daily prayer is full of repentance. I am a sinner, but my heart desires not to be a repeat offender.

I may be called instable because of what I have written, but you know, I don't mind. Being truthful and real, confessing my sins and my failures, acknowledging my constant need for Jesus opens me up to judgement.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9


"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NIV)


Know that you can be renewed and transformed through the God, but it takes humility in order for these experiences to take place. Human pride often blocks our dealing with painful problems. Once we finally admit our wrongdoings and failures, there can be a real solution for us. Humbling ourselves before God is the ultimate key that will allow us to experience the wonderful comfort that only the Almighty One can provide.