A little over a month ago I wrote this post.
I received many responses from the post, mostly out of concern. First, let me say that sometimes you just need to vent. A raw, realistic view of my anger and feelings of defeat were in that post. I surmise that most people experience such reactions to the world at some point. However, one thing that I did not clarify in the post was the cause of my ire and what provoked the rant.
It was me. I alone am responsible for my reaction to circumstances. No matter how warranted it is perceived, it isn't correct if it is a sinful reaction. The world should be able to bang on my door, barge right on in, taint everything around me, yet, not penetrate my soul. I let it. I don't blame anyone but myself. I am a sinner. I allowed my response to not be Godly, not at all. I reacted very, very poorly. I wish I could take it away and claim that I rose above it all, but I can't. I mired in it, rolled around in it, stepped into the pit and stunk.
My complete meltdown was a result of realizing my failure, once again. My anger was pointed straight into my heart. I long for the return of Jesus so that this will end once and for all. PRAISE GOD earth is the closest to hell that I will ever see.
Maybe I could have held strong had it not been for the depression that has been lurking around, sometimes wrecking havoc in my brain for several years now. Nah. Couldn't have done it at all without Him. He wasn't placed first in all of this. I took control, unfortunately.
Having confessed my heart to God and getting right with Him, meeting with my doctor, and taking some time away from the daily grind has turned my path. My daily prayer is full of repentance. I am a sinner, but my heart desires not to be a repeat offender.
I may be called instable because of what I have written, but you know, I don't mind. Being truthful and real, confessing my sins and my failures, acknowledging my constant need for Jesus opens me up to judgement.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 2 Cor 12:9
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (John 16:33 NIV)
Know that you can be renewed and transformed through the God, but it takes humility in order for these experiences to take place. Human pride often blocks our dealing with painful problems. Once we finally admit our wrongdoings and failures, there can be a real solution for us. Humbling ourselves before God is the ultimate key that will allow us to experience the wonderful comfort that only the Almighty One can provide.