Set the World on Fire

Second post for today, but I just couldn't help myself.

When I opened up my blog several months ago, I knew that I might be setting myself up for negativity, or worse, apathy. However, upon receiving some encouragement, I decided to actually solicit my friends to glance over it. I had hoped to get some dialogue going and well, that hasn't happened too much. On the flip side, what has happened, much to my utter surprise, has been well, cry-inducing, speechless rendering, stun creating...compliments. Seriously, people, I am so completely undeserving, but derive much pleasure in the fact that you get any amount of enjoyment out of reading my blather!

Everyone has a little dream that they keep a candle burning for. I can't say I have always wanted to be a writer. Growing up I have kept journals (now those are hilarious), but only in the last three or four years, has it become a flame in my heart. I just, at this moment, realized the beginning in all of this for me. Wow. It was Ansley. It was those email updates I kept going for three years about her condition and ultimately her death. Just another lasting mark on my life that she made. Ok, I am crying now. I love her.

This morning, I heard a song on a new CD I bought recently. I had heard the song on the radio but never really listened to the lyrics. It is a great song and despite what even I perceive as a bit cheesy, I will post the lyrics and a link to hear the song.

"Set the World On Fire" by Britt Nicole.

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it`s burning bright for You
It`s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There`s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father`s hands

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah

I`m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

I hesitate to even write about this. My thoughts are - I am not a writer, what if I am humiliated, embarrassed by this post next year when I have failed, who do I think I am, do I have the nerve to actually write this down for the world to read?, is this really just pride?, what about the reaction of others who are much better writers, just who do I think I am? Basically, a lot of doubt. But here I go...into the DEEP. Please hang on with me, ok?

My prayer is that if this is God's will for me, that He will continue to keep this flame burning, that He will open doors to those that need to hear, that I may have the support from those near me, that my words will be authentic and real about a journey with Him - the triumphs, the failures, the mountain tops and the desert wanderings, and even the every day. I want to be used to His glory, an accurate estimation of who He is, not me, but Him. May you find inspiration in this song today - each one of us can set it on fire for Him...only because of Him.

The Habits of Daybreak

This is what happens when a little, normal breakfast drink, becomes a bit of an obsession. See, we are coffee drinkers. As time passes, we continue to search for the the better maker, the better grinder, and the better coffee. It is a serious part of our lives, pitifully as it is, so if the purpose of this blog is to write about everyday, then, it must include a post about coffee.

I have never been crazed about Starbucks. Sure, I love the Pumpkin Spiced Latte as much as the next person, in all of its 14 g of fat and 330 calories. In fact, there is a little kick in my soul when I get a gift card. But, I have never bought into the notion that a great cup of coffee must cost you $5. The best cup of coffee I have ever purchased was from High Point Regional Hospital's little cafe off the lobby. I am not kidding. It was five years or so ago when Jay had his mild heart attack when I made this marvelous, yet stunning discovery. I enjoyed it so much, in fact, that I actually stopped at the hospital twice, for no other purpose, than to purchase a cup. However, after my own back surgery last year, I discovered that some person, lacking full mental capacity, had either altered the brand of coffee or the maker. Very disappointing.

I recall, too, before my surgery that a period of sickness, either viral or medicinally induced, brought with it a complete abhorring of coffee. It was shocking mentally and physically. My body fought the withdrawal (headaches, nausea, etc.) and I vowed that I would not return to my multi-cup a day habit. Alas, that last a month. `

Unfortunately, I am back where I started, one large, ok gigantic, travel mug a day. But, I am ok with that for now. And, to make it all possible, is the collection of coffee apparatuses that now occupy one section of our kitchen counter.
Actually, you can't see in this picture, there is one more green container labeled "Splenda" to the left. I drink my coffee black, always have, always will. However, my other half has to sweeten it up.

From the left:
Green container labeled "leaded": We don't use this as much as we used to as we are now grinding most of our coffee fresh.

Chrome mini-trashcan: This is for the quick disposal of grounds, pods, and Splenda packets. Really, my husband was too lazy to walk the extra 20 feet to the trashcan and requested this little device. It may be a European thing, too, as I think I recall little disposal containers sitting on most counter.

Coffee Maker #1 Breville Cafe Roman Cappucino Maker. This is our weekend coffee maker - when there is time to froth the milk, etc. Smooth and creamy. Very nice Saturday morning, lounging in bed, still in your pajamas coffee.

Capresso Conical Burr Grinder: The key to great coffee starts in the bean grinding process. When water is poured through the grounds, the water looks for the path of least resistance. When your coffee is not ground uniformly, the majority of the water follows that path, therefore diluting the flavor and strength. If your grounds are uniform and even, then the water flows through unvaryingly and thus...a great, full-bodied cup of coffee.

Coffee Maker #2: Philips Senseo. A great single or double cup of coffee with that perfect froth on top. Dutch brand, thus reliable and lovely. You have to buy the pods which can get expensive, but we order in bulk on Amazon. This maker is used on week mornings when time is very tight. It is quick and easy.

Coffee Maker #3 The old standby - Mr. Coffee. Not an elaborate system here and probably not a high grade coffee maker. But, it makes a large pot, can be programmed ahead (rarely happens) and shuts itself off after an hour preventing me from "burning down the house." This is our standard weekday maker, unless running short on time and then we revert to #2.

I might add that we have the BEST tasting water. It is well water and I am sure that it does add something into the coffee mix.

When friends get together in the Netherlands, it is always under the guise of having coffee. It was always, "let's get together for coffee." And, it actually happens...all the time. Relaxing, pleasant, laid-back, and always served with a great little coffee cookie. This consortium of comrades rarely happens in America. But why not? So, who's up for a cup and when are you coming over?

Mr. Sandman

When I was in my early 20s I recall hearing about varying sleep schedules by other adults. It was surprising to me that not everyone slept from 11 pm - 7 am. every night. But these people understood their bodies more and and found that they were most highly productive at unconventional times of the day. Their realization enabled them to adjust their schedules and sleeping patterns. For example, an accountant I knew got up every morning at 3:30 AM - YES, 3:30 AM. She got her best work in before 9:00. Another, my ob-gyn, stays up all sort so freaky-deaky hours at night getting work done, too, as the day wasn't always available and she found herself working beneficially at that time.

I am typing this at 5:52 am, having been up since 5:30 from the whine of a puppy. This is NOT my most productive time of the day. In fact, I found my ideal sleeping pattern over this Christmas vacation. For the first time ever, I was not tired all day, did not require a nap and was generally pleasant. Bedtime 11:30pm - wake time 9:00 am. That would be an astounding 10 hours of sleep. Adding to that, I had a nice 30 minute slumber with my morning cup, or 3, of coffee to really rev my engines.

My mom says that when I was younger, waking me up was extraordinarily difficult. I had a very rotten attitude and was pretty cantankerous. Thrust into the light before I am ready is loathsome. I think I see glimmers of this in my Ethan as he emits several groans when woken, but Sadie and Lily bound out of bed with some perkiness.

When I was in college, it was nothing to live on 5-6 hours of sleep. Staying up, snoozing late, running on empty is a rite of passage. Then, I graduated. I went abroad. I slept even more ridiculous hours as night life was well, the priority. And then, I was diagnosed with mono and I say to you, my body has never been the same. Exhaustion is my middle name and I can stay in bed sleeping...forever.

Sure, three kids don't help the constant nodding of my head. I have made doctor's appointments, just knowing that I had to have some sort of thyroid or iron condition that would give a medical reason for the fatigue. Nope. I even dabbled with thinking I was depressed. Not the case either. Just plain old weariness, I suppose.

Therefore, when I up at 5:30 in the morning, it does not bode well for my day. I think nap is in my future.

Scanners

I have been writing some very personal posts lately. I am not quite prepared to post them to the world. In due time...

In the meantime, I was sent an article by a friend that described a character trait of which someone possessing would be called a "scanner." At first, I wasn't really sure how to interpret the article. I mean, was it to shed light on some deficit on my part? Or was it to aid me in digging deep into my being?

Here are the positive excerpts from the article along with any possible applicable comments:

Scanners love to read and write, to fix and invent things, to design projects and businesses, to cook and sing, and to create the perfect dinner party. (You'll notice I didn't use the word "or," because Scanners don't love to do one thing or the other; they love them all.)
I can see this. I love everything listed above, actually.

A Scanner might be fascinated with learning how to play bridge or bocce, but once she gets good at it, she might never play it again.
I was completely obsessed with Soduku at one point and once I mastered the most difficult puzzles, I quit playing. I can see this also happening with Rock Band.
The same might be said about my volunteer commitments. I taught several bible study classes (been there, done that), coordinated three years' worth of retreats (time to move on), volunteered for tutoring (class graduated). There is just too much out there I want to try, I guess, and it is hard to stay onto one track for the rest of my life.

Scanners don't think what other people are doing is empty. They're always curious to know "what's out there" and love to poke their noses into just about anything.
I love to hear everything about other people's hobbies. Why do they do it, how did they get interested in it, what are their goals. I want to learn what you know.

99 percent of Scanners spend a lot of time scanning the horizon, thinking about their next move.
Maybe. Not too sure on this one. But, I do have a list of things I would like to do in my lifetime. Does that count? I have not completely relinquished the following ideas, even how far out of reality they are (and I KNOW they are): owning a restaurant (going to culinary school), opening up a scrapbook store, writing a novel, being a public speaker (motivator), teaching, being a diplomat, learning to play another instrument, getting involved in politics. Just to name a few...

To Scanners the world is like a big candy store full of fascinating opportunities, and all they want is to reach out and stuff their pockets.
I love how this is written. Just love it. And, this probably sums up my view of life.

Here are the struggles that Scanners face:

I spent years frustrating myself and everyone around me with my constant jumping from one thing to another. What I learned about myself eventually is that I knew deep down what I should be doing all along, but was simply too scared to commit myself to it. The constant stream of alternative ideas was simply an advanced avoidance technique.
Scared to commit. That line bothers me, but only because it is true. I want to get my MFA in Creative Writing, but I don't know if I can pass the GRE or if I can stick out going to college classes which were incredibly tough to attend when I didn't have a family and responsibilities. But why won't I try, at least? Maybe I would with encouragement and support from those closest to me, but that is usually not the case.

I think I've always avoided what I really want to do because I was afraid I'd be mediocre, or fail completely, so I'd keep changing my mind before I produced anything that could be judged.
See above.

Departments of literature, the humanities, even history were seen as irrelevant luxuries. And with that decline in respect came a radical change in the stature of Scanners. No longer described as "well-rounded," "Renaissance people," or "erudite," almost overnight they were seen as irrelevant, silly, irresponsible.
How many times have I made a comment about my well-deserved degree? My "all-job procuring" American Studies, a liberal arts degree that enabled me to dabble in varied courses of study - literature, religion, photography, history, etc. How may times have I answered the question of "what's that?" and feeling like I wasted my 4 years in Chapel Hill? Even during college I constantly questioned if I had made the right choice of colleges, considered leaving for a smaller school, considered taking a year or two off because I just didn't know what I wanted to do. I graduated and moved abroad to work as an au pair (nanny) because I still was undecided and wanted to explore the world.

The problem is, Scanners are starving in the candy store. They believe they're allowed to pursue only one path. But they want them all. If they force themselves to make a choice, they are forever discontented. But usually Scanners don't choose anything at all. And they don't feel good about it.

But at some point in high school or soon after, everyone was expected to make a choice, and that's when Scanners ran into trouble. While some people happily narrowed down to one subject, Scanners simply couldn't.
Well, ok, so I changed my major at Chapel Hill 7 times. International Relations (still dream of being an ambassador), Political Science (possible lawyer), Italian (for future life abroad), Advertising (was in the School of Journalism for a while and dreamed of working in a big firm in Chicago), English (but didn't really like Brit Lit), American Studies (because I had the most credits here and enjoyed the varied courses). I think I am missing one...forgot what it was!

My dear readers, what do you think? Is the term "scanner" a legitimate one? I think that there are actually more scanners than there are those that stick to one thing their entire lives, despite what the author says. And, if the "candy store" theory is correct, how in the world will I ever commit to anything? More importantly, how does this muddle things when are try to understand God's will in your life?

The Maternal Rally Cry

I have been reflecting upon child rearing as of late. It always amazes me that three very different and distinct temperaments came out of the same womb - mine. And, I have long categorized my three as the following: Ethan, the deep thinker and jokester; Sadie, the determined and intelligent wild cat; and Lily, my happy-go-lucky lovey. With these vastly different personalities, attempts have been made at individualizing their upbringing, including expectations and discipline. My failures to do so have been many and well-documented on this blog. So, as I enter what appears to be another cycle of the ear-shattering whining, the brush off of requests, and flat out defiance, I must remember the most important word I have ever heard in parenting: consistency.

For those with older children, do these cycles continue but just appear in a different form as the move into the teen years? I hear they get worse, but then, I also hear that difficult children early on often become compliant, lovely teens and adults. I can hope.

This is the weary road for mothers. The time when you believe every battle fought has been futile, every brawl defeating, confrontations exhausting. And, yet, this what we have been called to do. Therefore, I shout the following from my rooftop to all mothers and maybe as a rally cry for myself:

We will win. We will win because God told us we would. We have His rules to teach and His blessing to do so. One day, we will bask in the fruits of our labor, the promises of obedience, respect, honor and love. Stay the course, woman, push yourself, shore yourself up with His word. Don't let them argue with you, beg you, plead with you or whine you into giving in. And in that final hour of the day, when you are consumed by exhaustion, your brain is mush, and every part of you feels like you are walking in the valley of the shadow of death - they see an open door. They think they have an edge. But I say to you, stand firm and don't budge an inch. Why? Because YOU ARE THE MOM and YOU SAY SO!

We Are Mothers!
We Are Mothers!
We Are Mothers!

And this from the mom who just gave in and let her children get a puppy. Sigh.

Little Lessons

Random lessons I have learned recently that might be of benefit to know:

1. Based on experience, a toothbrush (discarded after use) and bleach are the only ways to get poop cleaned out of whirlpool tub jets.

2. Boys can be way more dramatic than girls.

3. Squirrels drink a lot of water. I could really make this whole list about squirrels, but will refrain.

4. A man, a chainsaw and an ATV can be a scary combination.

5. No matter where I go in my house, my children will find me in less than 90 seconds.

6. You can either live to eat or eat to live. It makes a difference.

7. Red dyed drinks are a pox to humanity. A leaking cup of red drink in a cart full of groceries is a major, major mess to you, your groceries and the poor employee who must follow your trail throughout the store with a mop.

8. Words of encouragement, affirmation and appreciation can never be heard enough.

9. Every child will decide they hate every single food, including their favorite, at some point in their lives so at some point every food has been hated. Don't believe them!

10. Every person in your circle brings something to your life. When they are gone, that something usually goes with them, never forgotten, yet never experienced in that form again.

Puppy Love

Amidst much discussion, cajoling, begging, pleading, and more discussion, we have added a new addition to our house. I caved, really. And so, little Dixie, a beagle/dachshund mix, has found her way into our lives and hearts.

Puppies have to be one of the highlights of God's creation. Is there one person who can look at a puppy and not have a smile, ever so small, on their lips. I just don't think it is humanly possible. Is it in their sweet, innocent eyes? Is it the whimper for nothing but affection that draws us in? Is it their need to only be loved? Is it that wagging tail that flurries toward, declaring it is simply happy to see us? Or, is it how they seem most content just sleeping in our laps? Innocence portrayed in such a small little form.

Her fatty little paws, long floppy ears, little wagging tail that seems to go on and on, her short, stubby little legs that send her flying down the hall, her ability to pounce on a chew toy like a ferocious lion taking down a wildebeest, and her pathetically innocent and wide-open eyes that can look up at me with such sweetness - well, they add up to nothing but puppy love. And, I am smitten for sure.