A little list of favorite things today. Unlike Oprah, I will not be giving away one of each of these to each of my "viewers" nor are they shameless plugs for my "sponsors" So, what little things have brought me a little smile, an added step in my stride and of which I am thankful?
1. My new 2009 Cooking Light cookbook. I made braised Chinese spare ribs, Thai chicken and some chipotle chicken burgers. Has brought me back to how much I love to be in the kitchen.
2. Jeff Buckley. Period. The more I listen to his music, the more I am enraptured. What took me so long to hear this? Why isn't everyone listening to him?
3. Marvelous bath bubble stuff my neighbor gave me for Christmas. Sweet, yet not overpowering. I feel like I am at a luxurious spa when I use it. Finding that I am spending a lot more time in the bathtub these days (even in the middle of the day!).
4. Writing. I must be in the zone. Not that the writing has been all that noteworthy, but it has been satisfactory to my heart. I resolved myself to blog the first 30 days of the year and have enjoyed every minute of it. Enjoying the idea, just the inkling of a notion, of taking a writing course. Mulling it over, just letting it sort of sit and marinate a bit in my mind.
5. New friends, old friends. Yay for facebook! I have reconnected with friends that I never forgot in my heart, but in this period of life had. Remembering them has been sweet.
6. The white paper narcissus that my mom gave me on Christmas Day. It has finally bloomed and it is just divine.
7. My beloved Rock Band drums. Who knew that in the depths of my soul there was a drum set beating, just waiting to get out!
8. Puppies. Our very eclectic, somewhat eccentric neighbor, Jerry, has some puppies. They are the blend of Dixie, the beagle, and Boom-Boom, the dachshund. We take frequent trips over to just get some love. They are beyond adorable with their fat little paws, puppy bellies and little whimpers. They only want to be held and we are much too eager to oblige.
What brings you a little smile today? Have you thanked someone for it?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Handle What?
There is an oft quoted line - God only gives you what you can handle. I so absolutely disagree with that statement. It is not biblical as far as I have found. What I have found is that God DOES bring tragic situations into your life that YOU can NOT handle, because He wants to show you how HE can.
Giving It Your Best
Each morning when I am in the morning drop-off line for school, I give a quick prayer on behalf of the kids. For Ethan it usually focuses on "patience when paying attention to the details," for Sadie it is for help in making good choices and for Lily it is for help to "stay on green" and be kind to her friends. It usually ends something along the lines of hoping that we may be lights for Him in time of darkness and that we may give Him our best in every thing that we do.
I honed in on that line this morning - "giving Him our best." I mean, I say it so often that it has almost become commonplace. A bit sad. It struck me that giving Him our best is really just giving back to Him what he has already given to us - His gifts to us.
Dear friend, I know you are at a crossroads in your life. There is no doubt that you are wallowing in the unknown and that these are low times. The realities of life are rearing their collective ugly heads and you are forced to look at them squarely in the eyes. The future, as you can see, is full of unhappiness, terrible turmoil and anxiety and you can not see a way out of this suffocating darkness. It is scary.
But you are here at these crossroads for a reason. Your journey, mapped out by God, includes this position on the plat. My friend, you have been given gifts. Gifts of compassion and patience. Gifts of gentleness and tenderness. You were given them for this precise time in your life. Now, you are to use them. Trust in His divine plan and give Him the best part of you - that part that He has given you. This is your chance to shine.
He knows what he is asking of you. He knows it will be difficult. There will be days, days where you are completely spent. Where the weight of the circumstances pound you like torrential rain and you will beg for relief. In that moment, He will be there. And, that is where He wants you.
Surrender, my friend. Let go of trying to figure it all out, to make sense of it all. And maybe, for the first time in your life, keep your eyes on Him, give Him your best, and leave Him to take care of the rest.
I honed in on that line this morning - "giving Him our best." I mean, I say it so often that it has almost become commonplace. A bit sad. It struck me that giving Him our best is really just giving back to Him what he has already given to us - His gifts to us.
Dear friend, I know you are at a crossroads in your life. There is no doubt that you are wallowing in the unknown and that these are low times. The realities of life are rearing their collective ugly heads and you are forced to look at them squarely in the eyes. The future, as you can see, is full of unhappiness, terrible turmoil and anxiety and you can not see a way out of this suffocating darkness. It is scary.
But you are here at these crossroads for a reason. Your journey, mapped out by God, includes this position on the plat. My friend, you have been given gifts. Gifts of compassion and patience. Gifts of gentleness and tenderness. You were given them for this precise time in your life. Now, you are to use them. Trust in His divine plan and give Him the best part of you - that part that He has given you. This is your chance to shine.
He knows what he is asking of you. He knows it will be difficult. There will be days, days where you are completely spent. Where the weight of the circumstances pound you like torrential rain and you will beg for relief. In that moment, He will be there. And, that is where He wants you.
Surrender, my friend. Let go of trying to figure it all out, to make sense of it all. And maybe, for the first time in your life, keep your eyes on Him, give Him your best, and leave Him to take care of the rest.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Random Morning Musings
Some mornings, in trying to get everyone out the door, you feel like you have fought an entire war before 8 am. And, you aren't sure whether you won or not. Everyone running around, no one focused and the goal of leaving on time is nowhere in sight. But then, you have an occasional morning where things are just smooth and easy breezy. No battles, lovey children, breakfast dishes cleaned before you walk out the door with a perfectly brewed cup of coffee in your hand. And thus, was my morning today.
Lily happily picked out her own clothes - which I let her wear without any of my usual critique (I know, let it go). Sadie and Ethan prepared their own breakfasts and lunches. There was time for conversation. There was time for a puzzle. There was even time for, gasp, Rock Band. Delightful.
Jay was still in bed, but working on his laptop. Little Lovey came running in with a monkey puppet on her hand. "Daddy, Daddy," she said. "Look at my monkey." Jay responded, "Oh yeah? Isn't that cute." And with that she laid the monkey on the bed and did a little gallop out of the room. As she neared the door she said, "I love you, Daddy." And a few steps later shouted out, "Oh, and you, too, monkey. I love you, toooooooooooo." And with that, she was out the door.
That is Lily, really. Always overflowing with love. When meeting someone for the first time, her enthusiasm bursts forth in a hug. Strangers in our house are quickly given the once over. If they bestow on her the tiniest bit of attention, they will find themselves the object of her warmth. If I plant myself on the sofa, or anywhere for that matter, she soon finds me. Quickly joining me, she immediately requests some "snuggle." As I respond, she slowly slinks closer and closer until she is nearly in my lap and there she asks for me to "wub" (aka rub) her leg, or tummy or arm. Her teachers tell me she is the sweetest, most giving child they have this year, randomly stop her activity in order to give the teachers or other classmate some lovey.
I have a very difficult time turning down her requests for love. Obviously, there are times when it just isn't plausible whether there are tasks to complete or we are short on time, whatever. But, the real reason is that it is a clear trait that came straight to her from Ansley, my sister who passed away from breast cancer 2 years ago. What a blessing to see that part of her in one of my own.
I grew up rubbing Ansley's arm. I know it sounds unusual, but through our formative years, she would ask me to rub her arm. It helped her go to sleep and relax. And, truthfully, she threatened me if I didn't do it! As we grew older of course, it didn't happen as often. But, as Ansley grew sicker, her requests returned, more frequently. Often times it was all I could offer up to try to ease her pain.
So, when my little Lily comes to me for that loving touch, that "wub" as she calls it. I don't turn her down. This life is fleeting. And, I would do anything to be able to rub her arm again.
Lily happily picked out her own clothes - which I let her wear without any of my usual critique (I know, let it go). Sadie and Ethan prepared their own breakfasts and lunches. There was time for conversation. There was time for a puzzle. There was even time for, gasp, Rock Band. Delightful.
Jay was still in bed, but working on his laptop. Little Lovey came running in with a monkey puppet on her hand. "Daddy, Daddy," she said. "Look at my monkey." Jay responded, "Oh yeah? Isn't that cute." And with that she laid the monkey on the bed and did a little gallop out of the room. As she neared the door she said, "I love you, Daddy." And a few steps later shouted out, "Oh, and you, too, monkey. I love you, toooooooooooo." And with that, she was out the door.
That is Lily, really. Always overflowing with love. When meeting someone for the first time, her enthusiasm bursts forth in a hug. Strangers in our house are quickly given the once over. If they bestow on her the tiniest bit of attention, they will find themselves the object of her warmth. If I plant myself on the sofa, or anywhere for that matter, she soon finds me. Quickly joining me, she immediately requests some "snuggle." As I respond, she slowly slinks closer and closer until she is nearly in my lap and there she asks for me to "wub" (aka rub) her leg, or tummy or arm. Her teachers tell me she is the sweetest, most giving child they have this year, randomly stop her activity in order to give the teachers or other classmate some lovey.
I have a very difficult time turning down her requests for love. Obviously, there are times when it just isn't plausible whether there are tasks to complete or we are short on time, whatever. But, the real reason is that it is a clear trait that came straight to her from Ansley, my sister who passed away from breast cancer 2 years ago. What a blessing to see that part of her in one of my own.
I grew up rubbing Ansley's arm. I know it sounds unusual, but through our formative years, she would ask me to rub her arm. It helped her go to sleep and relax. And, truthfully, she threatened me if I didn't do it! As we grew older of course, it didn't happen as often. But, as Ansley grew sicker, her requests returned, more frequently. Often times it was all I could offer up to try to ease her pain.
So, when my little Lily comes to me for that loving touch, that "wub" as she calls it. I don't turn her down. This life is fleeting. And, I would do anything to be able to rub her arm again.
Monday, January 12, 2009
Can't Pause Now
There comes a time when you have to make a bold and difficult decision to "die to self" in order to do what you know in your heart is the right thing. That which is ordained for you. I find that as a wife and mother, I have to do this on a small scale every day. But sometimes, when it comes to dreams of the heart, it takes every bit of my being to stuff it down, pretend it doesn't exist and to just...walk...away.
A struggling day I am having. There is a reoccurring dream that I have had for at least the last 20 years. Each time I go through this cycle, it seems more and more plausible, more easily obtained. Even though, in reality, it couldn't be further from that. I know, that to everything there is a season and it is clearly not that season for me. I must forget the sweet thoughts that put me to sleep each night and wake me each morning as I ponder the possibilities. Now, painfully, I am searching, yearning, for the peace in my heart in light of that revelation.
I find myself heading out on what I know is the correct course, but will shed a few tears over my own personal loss, once again. Today, I can't pause to think about what I want and what fulfills me. Today, like every other day, it must be about others and their needs. My prayer is that the hole that remains of this dream will be filled by the blessing of waiting for His timing.
A struggling day I am having. There is a reoccurring dream that I have had for at least the last 20 years. Each time I go through this cycle, it seems more and more plausible, more easily obtained. Even though, in reality, it couldn't be further from that. I know, that to everything there is a season and it is clearly not that season for me. I must forget the sweet thoughts that put me to sleep each night and wake me each morning as I ponder the possibilities. Now, painfully, I am searching, yearning, for the peace in my heart in light of that revelation.
I find myself heading out on what I know is the correct course, but will shed a few tears over my own personal loss, once again. Today, I can't pause to think about what I want and what fulfills me. Today, like every other day, it must be about others and their needs. My prayer is that the hole that remains of this dream will be filled by the blessing of waiting for His timing.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
New Look, New Perspective
Yes, you are in the right place. Just making some upgrades. I have seen quite a few blogs lately with fun backgrounds reminding me of my favorite hobby - scrapbooking. I couldn't resist this color combination, one of my favorites as of late (lime green & black).
In moving things around and editing, I thought about my blog name, "Flying on Wings Like Eagles," and this picture (left). The name, if you don't know, comes from my favorite scripture:
but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31
This picture was taken this New Year's Eve (yes, that is me). My "good friends" announced to the staff at our favorite Japanese steakhouse that it was my birthday. Not a complete lie as it was the day previous. And, not only did they tell them it was my birthday, but my "good friend" Beth told them to really embarrass me. The staff descended upon our table and made me stand up, put my hands high into the air and announced that it was my birthday - to the packed to the brim restaurant. They proceeded to make me do the chicken dance - and thus, my flapping chicken wings pictured. At least I am smiling, if nothing else, from the embarrassment.
I looked at this picture and saw the clear picture of trusting in the Lord or trusting in ourselves. You see, we all have the proclivity to try to fly ourselves to happiness and self-worth. We try using our own resources, our own emotions, our own WILL. What it amounts to is some very pathetic, and sometimes humorous little chicken wings. They may temporarily get us off the ground, making a whole lot of ruckus in the process. We may even have a momentary satisfaction of achieving something on our own. But, quickly gravity thrusts us back down to earth. Reality check. We are only a tiny step from where we were before.
On the flip side we can make the firm decision to trust in the Lord. His design for us and His WILL for us - in ALL things. And, then we don't flap and squawk. We aren't standing on our own, working and fighting for flight. Instead, we take one big leap of faith and He does the rest. We just enjoy the flight, soaring above our circumstances, soaring above our suffering.
I went parachuting about 11 years ago. (more on that later) The relevance is that the sound you hear when you are high in the air is of...nothing. Complete silence, unlike any I have ever heard. The world below me, all of it - the pain, the unhappy circumstances, the grief - far, far away. Momentarily, I saw something I had not see before. The larger picture of the world.
And, so, that is where I want to be. Focusing on the larger picture which I can only see when I trust in Him, rising above it all. I can't get there on my own little wings. And, I want this vision - not just momentarily, but every day. I want a new look, a new perspective.
I looked at this picture and saw the clear picture of trusting in the Lord or trusting in ourselves. You see, we all have the proclivity to try to fly ourselves to happiness and self-worth. We try using our own resources, our own emotions, our own WILL. What it amounts to is some very pathetic, and sometimes humorous little chicken wings. They may temporarily get us off the ground, making a whole lot of ruckus in the process. We may even have a momentary satisfaction of achieving something on our own. But, quickly gravity thrusts us back down to earth. Reality check. We are only a tiny step from where we were before.
On the flip side we can make the firm decision to trust in the Lord. His design for us and His WILL for us - in ALL things. And, then we don't flap and squawk. We aren't standing on our own, working and fighting for flight. Instead, we take one big leap of faith and He does the rest. We just enjoy the flight, soaring above our circumstances, soaring above our suffering.
I went parachuting about 11 years ago. (more on that later) The relevance is that the sound you hear when you are high in the air is of...nothing. Complete silence, unlike any I have ever heard. The world below me, all of it - the pain, the unhappy circumstances, the grief - far, far away. Momentarily, I saw something I had not see before. The larger picture of the world.
And, so, that is where I want to be. Focusing on the larger picture which I can only see when I trust in Him, rising above it all. I can't get there on my own little wings. And, I want this vision - not just momentarily, but every day. I want a new look, a new perspective.
Thursday, January 08, 2009
Book about Me Page 89
I received a very cool book for my birthday from my mom. In actuality, we were out shopping and she spied the book at a clothing store. We both thought it would be resourceful for writing and archiving. It is entitled, "The Book about Myself: A Do-it-Yourself Autobiography in 201 Questions." Now, let me make it very clear that I do not feel that I have lived a life justifying anything close to an "autobiography." However, I am interested in documenting life - its twist and turns, its roller coaster, its smooth sailing. This book gives inspiration for that. And so, I randomly opened the book and decided I would answer whatever question/topic was presented.
Page 89: This health problem or accident was very scary for my family:
O-K. This could be a very lengthy blog. I could spend pages of revisiting Jay's heart attack or Ansley's breast cancer, but am not compelled to go there at the moment. Instead, I will talk about what came in the mail today. An envelope with a pretty pink butterfly in the outside, invoking a innocent essence. But, the return address, The Breast Center of Greensboro, would indicate otherwise. It was my reminder letter that it is time for me to schedule my 6-month MRI follow-up to my little "scare" in August. To set the background go here.
There is no reason to be uptight about this in all reality. They didn't find anything in those 2 core needle biopsies, except some cystic disease that is usally caused by too much caffiene. I mean, I have a 1 in 4 chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer in my lifetime verses 1 in 8 for the rest of the female population. So, I suppose that is something. But, it is still a bunch of conjecture of random facts, in my opinion. Nevertheless, I can't seem to let this just roll off my back. That envelope just sits there on the counter adding to the weight that dropped suddenly in my stomach upon its arrival.
Breast cancer is scary for my family because it came out of nowhere, like a high-speed train on a collision course. One day we were all healthy and the next, one of us was dying. It radically changed our lives and tried to control us for 3 years. It took the best part of our family from us. The mention of it brings a little ache in my heart and I suppose that will never go away.
There is no question that I will always get my yearly mammos and MRIs. Won't give it a second thought. And, I am hopeful this will be the only time I am requested to come at a 6-month interval. My appointment is in February.
Page 89: This health problem or accident was very scary for my family:
O-K. This could be a very lengthy blog. I could spend pages of revisiting Jay's heart attack or Ansley's breast cancer, but am not compelled to go there at the moment. Instead, I will talk about what came in the mail today. An envelope with a pretty pink butterfly in the outside, invoking a innocent essence. But, the return address, The Breast Center of Greensboro, would indicate otherwise. It was my reminder letter that it is time for me to schedule my 6-month MRI follow-up to my little "scare" in August. To set the background go here.
There is no reason to be uptight about this in all reality. They didn't find anything in those 2 core needle biopsies, except some cystic disease that is usally caused by too much caffiene. I mean, I have a 1 in 4 chance of being diagnosed with breast cancer in my lifetime verses 1 in 8 for the rest of the female population. So, I suppose that is something. But, it is still a bunch of conjecture of random facts, in my opinion. Nevertheless, I can't seem to let this just roll off my back. That envelope just sits there on the counter adding to the weight that dropped suddenly in my stomach upon its arrival.
Breast cancer is scary for my family because it came out of nowhere, like a high-speed train on a collision course. One day we were all healthy and the next, one of us was dying. It radically changed our lives and tried to control us for 3 years. It took the best part of our family from us. The mention of it brings a little ache in my heart and I suppose that will never go away.
There is no question that I will always get my yearly mammos and MRIs. Won't give it a second thought. And, I am hopeful this will be the only time I am requested to come at a 6-month interval. My appointment is in February.
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