Sunday, April 28, 2007

A tough night...a tough day...a tough week. For the first time it is not about Ansley...it is about marriages and relationships around me. Three failing marriages, one on the verge, a pastor who reveals his own prideful issues with marriage (and stepped out of his position), and a possible cancellation of a wedding due to doubts. A lot to think about and ponder. It amazes me - and certainly not only in reference to others - that we are so fickle and pathetic that we so easily lose our sights. Everything we teach and tell can so easily go down the drain with one crisis. One day we talk confidently about God, how great He is, how He is bigger than any problem and the next we are ready to give up only because our circumstances have changed. The world is too near us - it is too real to us and God seems to be so distant. We give into the world so easily and give up on God too quickly. When we are in the smoke - we can't see anything - we lose our bearings, we panic and go back to the old and familiar and most often BAD habits. It scares me as I know that I am just as vulnerable that I am only an "issue" away from having a hard heart and walking away.

Ethan - my dear sweet boy - oh how you make my heart full of love for you. Last week, I laid down with Lily for a nap. You all knew you were supposed to be quiet, so I was surprised to be woken up by the sound of loud thumping, thudding and stomping around in the bonus room above. I burst open the door and harshly yelled upstairs to you - Ethan, enough of the stomping around, I don't know what you are doing, but I have had enough. I promptly went back to bed. A few seconds later you came down to my room with tears in your eyes and told me that you were making a party for me. I felt 2" tall. It killed me that I had spoken harshly to you and that I was so quick to anger. I said I was so very sorry and that I couldn't wait to see it. So, I got up just a little while later and came up to the bonus room. You said - I have set up four stations - 1) making paper bag masks which you had gotten and cut eyes in and gotten markers out 2) a fort made out of pillows 3) paint and paper (with brushes and a cup of water) 4)Mr. Mouth Game. I asked why you did it and you said, "Because you always have to do stuff for us so I decided I should do something for you. How priceless and completely precious is that?

I also heard that when having a conversation at school about people who are full of joy and always seemed to be happy, Ethan piped up and said, my aunt. *tears*

Jay took Ethan to a golf lesson this week. They both really liked it. Ethan hopes to go sometime with Peepaw, although I don't know if any of our grandparents really have much time to spend with our children as they try to make Colby and Gray feel full with love. Anyway, I had the girls and we did a bath and painted nails. Even Lily sat still for toe painting. We went to the High Point Museum for a Go-See-It for scouts. I think I enjoyed the actual museum more than the boys as I grew up in High Point. they enjoyed the historical reenactment stuff. After we went to the Dog House to eat (Jay had never been), took a quick trip through Lowe's and then came home. It was a really great family day.

We head for the cruise Thursday - I can not wait. I hope it is as good as I have in my head. My expectation is to have lots of quiet time, sleep and sun. I think Jay is ready for an adventure. Either way, time without children is needed.

Lily decided to become Miss Destructo today. Jay made a pool with bales of hay and a tarp. Lily promptly threw all the towels into the pool along with Sadie's pocketbook. She was supposed to be taking a nap and ended up taking all the clothes out of her drawers - what a mess. Then, she tackled Ethan's closet, pulling out a lot of it. I hope it was a lack of nap and good sleep that did it! I don't know if it is me or not, but she can just be so full of herself. She ends every sentence with "K?" short for o.k. Cracks me up. She just can't get all the words out when she is excited and it ends up with one long mumble where you catch one or two words.

Sadie was actually pretty good today. She had momentary lapses in judgement and listening, but overall I saw some progress on how she and Ethan got along. She set up a tea party and actually played with baby dolls which is a rare thing. Wonder if I will see more of this?