1989

Dear Class of 1989,

We were told we were a very unique class, one of the largest, yet, one of the brightest, ambitious and most importantly closest class to pass through our school in a while. We were brought together as a class, because of where our parents chose to raise us. Fates of geography. Due to the stagnant and consistent nature of our school's rural, farming area, most of us found each other early in our school years. And, we remained together with little change except for hair styles until graduation. So, what happens after a 20 year separation?

With the advent of facebook, I am reconnected with people I last remember having hair that defied gravity and acid wash jeans, girls who swooned over George Michael and guys who banged it out to Guns n' Roses. People that seemed to have been frozen in time in my mind as they were then - when our only focus was getting out of there and moving on with life.

A few of you, I spoke only a few words to over those years. I missed out on your strengths and experiences. I didn't see what our teachers obviously did. I regret that.

What has happened to you during these 20 years? I wonder how closely you are to that person who walked out of those doors some years ago. Marriages, divorces, children - born and lost, weight loss and weight gain, hair loss and dare I say, hair gain. I am sure there has been death, grief and heartaches, along with joys and celebrations. Dreams realized, dreams forgotten, dreams unfulfilled. Religious experiences, talents revealed, worldly travels, evolving careers and most assuredly, a quest to understand our purpose on this planet. All of that molding you into who you are now.

I know that through life's triumphs and trials, I have shed most of my insecurities that inhibited me from reaching out to others during those last 4 years of teenage torture. I see very little of that person who walked those halls, terrified of the critical eye of others which parlayed itself into some sort of falsely perceived snobbery. And, as much as we thought we knew each other then, I wonder how that is possible. How could we have ever really known each other if we didn't know who we were ourselves?

But now, it is time to reunite. A group of people brought together for their education. Shared experiences during the most tumultuous times of our lives. But why have this reunion? To relive the laughter, the tears, the highs and the lows - not only of those school years, but to share what life has thrown at us since. May we enter with compassion and less judgment and open ourselves to learn what each of us brings to the mighty class of '89.

Trapping the Giants

This morning, I was sitting at the kitchen counter, finishing up my rather large travel mug of coffee and checking in on some of my favorite blogs. I glanced over at the floor in front of the sofa and noticed a large, littered pile of dental floss. It made me smile at a memory of my precocious little Sadie.

Years ago, when she was a bit over 3, I recall coming out of my bedroom from feeding baby Lily to find a maze of dental floss running throughout our house - upstairs, around door knobs, down the stairs and through the railings, under the sofa, into the kitchen, around cabinet knobs and winding through the bar stools. Who knew all that floss in that little itty bitty container was soooooooo long?

"Oh Saaa-dieeeeee..... What is all of this?" I said with some perplexity and irritation.
"Mommy. I made a trap to catch the giants," she replied.

Clever, Creative, Curious. My little Sadie.

Quick Takes

Lily: Mommy, get that bowl. It is a-hind you.
Me: What?
Lily: A-hind you, that bowl.
Me: Lily, it is "behind" you.
Lily: Ok, that bowl is "a-be-hind" you.

Ethan: (sitting beside me on the sofa) Mommy, your neck is so soft.
Me: That is a little random, Ethan. But, thanks, I guess.

There has been much discussion about the neighbor's puppies as of late. Naturally, this topic includes the creation of the puppies. And, so, this is Ethan's reasoning at age 8.

Ethan: How are the puppies 1/2 beagle and 1/2 dachshund?
Me: Well, Dixie is the mom and Boom-Boom is the dad.
Ethan: Oh, so, they decided to get married and then had puppies?
Me: Ummmm, yeah.
A few days later, he explained this to one of our carpoolers on the way to school. "See, they got married and then had puppies." I'll let him just go with that for the time being. I have no idea how he thinks they got married (did they have a little dog ceremony or what?). I am just not prepared to provide any more details/corrections at the present.

We are planning a family trip to go skiing in a couple weeks. It will be the first time for the girls, as Ethan has been with scouts. It dawned on me that Lily has no clue what we are talking about. She just knows she wants to go. After every requested task I ask of her, she asks me, "And then we are going skiing?" At which I reply, "No, that is in a couple of weeks." Then she cries like I have told her I don't love her anymore. We repeat this exhausting cycle about 8 times a day. Despite my numerous attempts at trying to explain the trip planning process, the time it takes to travel to the mountains and even just the plain old calendar, she just does not get it.

Raindrops on Roses and Whiskers on Kittens...

A little list of favorite things today. Unlike Oprah, I will not be giving away one of each of these to each of my "viewers" nor are they shameless plugs for my "sponsors" So, what little things have brought me a little smile, an added step in my stride and of which I am thankful?

1. My new 2009 Cooking Light cookbook. I made braised Chinese spare ribs, Thai chicken and some chipotle chicken burgers. Has brought me back to how much I love to be in the kitchen.

2. Jeff Buckley. Period. The more I listen to his music, the more I am enraptured. What took me so long to hear this? Why isn't everyone listening to him?

3. Marvelous bath bubble stuff my neighbor gave me for Christmas. Sweet, yet not overpowering. I feel like I am at a luxurious spa when I use it. Finding that I am spending a lot more time in the bathtub these days (even in the middle of the day!).

4. Writing. I must be in the zone. Not that the writing has been all that noteworthy, but it has been satisfactory to my heart. I resolved myself to blog the first 30 days of the year and have enjoyed every minute of it. Enjoying the idea, just the inkling of a notion, of taking a writing course. Mulling it over, just letting it sort of sit and marinate a bit in my mind.

5. New friends, old friends. Yay for facebook! I have reconnected with friends that I never forgot in my heart, but in this period of life had. Remembering them has been sweet.

6. The white paper narcissus that my mom gave me on Christmas Day. It has finally bloomed and it is just divine.

7. My beloved Rock Band drums. Who knew that in the depths of my soul there was a drum set beating, just waiting to get out!

8. Puppies. Our very eclectic, somewhat eccentric neighbor, Jerry, has some puppies. They are the blend of Dixie, the beagle, and Boom-Boom, the dachshund. We take frequent trips over to just get some love. They are beyond adorable with their fat little paws, puppy bellies and little whimpers. They only want to be held and we are much too eager to oblige.

What brings you a little smile today? Have you thanked someone for it?

Handle What?

There is an oft quoted line - God only gives you what you can handle. I so absolutely disagree with that statement. It is not biblical as far as I have found. What I have found is that God DOES bring tragic situations into your life that YOU can NOT handle, because He wants to show you how HE can.

Giving It Your Best

Each morning when I am in the morning drop-off line for school, I give a quick prayer on behalf of the kids. For Ethan it usually focuses on "patience when paying attention to the details," for Sadie it is for help in making good choices and for Lily it is for help to "stay on green" and be kind to her friends. It usually ends something along the lines of hoping that we may be lights for Him in time of darkness and that we may give Him our best in every thing that we do.

I honed in on that line this morning - "giving Him our best." I mean, I say it so often that it has almost become commonplace. A bit sad. It struck me that giving Him our best is really just giving back to Him what he has already given to us - His gifts to us.

Dear friend, I know you are at a crossroads in your life. There is no doubt that you are wallowing in the unknown and that these are low times. The realities of life are rearing their collective ugly heads and you are forced to look at them squarely in the eyes. The future, as you can see, is full of unhappiness, terrible turmoil and anxiety and you can not see a way out of this suffocating darkness. It is scary.

But you are here at these crossroads for a reason. Your journey, mapped out by God, includes this position on the plat. My friend, you have been given gifts. Gifts of compassion and patience. Gifts of gentleness and tenderness. You were given them for this precise time in your life. Now, you are to use them. Trust in His divine plan and give Him the best part of you - that part that He has given you. This is your chance to shine.

He knows what he is asking of you. He knows it will be difficult. There will be days, days where you are completely spent. Where the weight of the circumstances pound you like torrential rain and you will beg for relief. In that moment, He will be there. And, that is where He wants you.

Surrender, my friend. Let go of trying to figure it all out, to make sense of it all. And maybe, for the first time in your life, keep your eyes on Him, give Him your best, and leave Him to take care of the rest.

Random Morning Musings

Some mornings, in trying to get everyone out the door, you feel like you have fought an entire war before 8 am. And, you aren't sure whether you won or not. Everyone running around, no one focused and the goal of leaving on time is nowhere in sight. But then, you have an occasional morning where things are just smooth and easy breezy. No battles, lovey children, breakfast dishes cleaned before you walk out the door with a perfectly brewed cup of coffee in your hand. And thus, was my morning today.

Lily happily picked out her own clothes - which I let her wear without any of my usual critique (I know, let it go). Sadie and Ethan prepared their own breakfasts and lunches. There was time for conversation. There was time for a puzzle. There was even time for, gasp, Rock Band. Delightful.

Jay was still in bed, but working on his laptop. Little Lovey came running in with a monkey puppet on her hand. "Daddy, Daddy," she said. "Look at my monkey." Jay responded, "Oh yeah? Isn't that cute." And with that she laid the monkey on the bed and did a little gallop out of the room. As she neared the door she said, "I love you, Daddy." And a few steps later shouted out, "Oh, and you, too, monkey. I love you, toooooooooooo." And with that, she was out the door.

That is Lily, really. Always overflowing with love. When meeting someone for the first time, her enthusiasm bursts forth in a hug. Strangers in our house are quickly given the once over. If they bestow on her the tiniest bit of attention, they will find themselves the object of her warmth. If I plant myself on the sofa, or anywhere for that matter, she soon finds me. Quickly joining me, she immediately requests some "snuggle." As I respond, she slowly slinks closer and closer until she is nearly in my lap and there she asks for me to "wub" (aka rub) her leg, or tummy or arm. Her teachers tell me she is the sweetest, most giving child they have this year, randomly stop her activity in order to give the teachers or other classmate some lovey.

I have a very difficult time turning down her requests for love. Obviously, there are times when it just isn't plausible whether there are tasks to complete or we are short on time, whatever. But, the real reason is that it is a clear trait that came straight to her from Ansley, my sister who passed away from breast cancer 2 years ago. What a blessing to see that part of her in one of my own.

I grew up rubbing Ansley's arm. I know it sounds unusual, but through our formative years, she would ask me to rub her arm. It helped her go to sleep and relax. And, truthfully, she threatened me if I didn't do it! As we grew older of course, it didn't happen as often. But, as Ansley grew sicker, her requests returned, more frequently. Often times it was all I could offer up to try to ease her pain.

So, when my little Lily comes to me for that loving touch, that "wub" as she calls it. I don't turn her down. This life is fleeting. And, I would do anything to be able to rub her arm again.