A trip to...

I am still recovering by our family trip this evening. Jay announced to me, in private, that he wanted to take the family out tonight. He told me where and in my desperation to get out of the house for the second time in over a week, I agreed. Under cloak of going to the grocery store, we managed to keep it a surprise from the kids until we pulled into the parking lot. It is on the top of the list for every person who has recently had back surgery. Gastronomical delights abound which can thoroughly satisfy person that hasn't eaten out in about 3 weeks, save a trip to chik-fila this week. The pinnacle of gourmet decadence and romantic ambiance...Can you guess???? Could it possibly be??? Wait, don't guess now...I'll give you another hint...my kids went bonkers in the car at the sight of it...I gave it away with that one, I am sure. Yes, you guessed it...CHUCK E. CHEESE!!!!!

Alright, I am being a little extreme - I did like getting out of this house, despite the noise, pizza and my slowly escalating pain. Seriously, though, the kids still love that place. Jay's purpose was to reward the kids for incredible report cards this school year. It is also a place unlike anything they have in the Netherlands and since Jay's mom is here, well, you just have to go. It ranks up there with Golden Corral in terms of unbelievable-ness to her.

I really should attach a picture of Lily taken at her 2nd birthday - also held at Mr. Cheese's house. The expression on her face is how I imagine my face when I see Jesus. Except, she is gazing, adoringly at the big mouse. It is pure adoration. It was really no different this time either. Chuck came out for someone's birthday party and she literally pushed through the crowd of kids whose parents had shelled out the bucks for his appearance and jumped into his arms. To say she is a big fan of the mouse is really an understatement.

Back to tonight...we took their report cards which gives them 15 extra tokens a piece and then brought in a discount coupon from the 'net. We sent the kids off into the wonderland with plastic cups and tokens in hand. Two hours later, three salads, one large pizza and several refills later, we were at the "trash trove," oops, I mean "treasure trove," to pick out our incredible prizes from the 75 or tickets we have earned. Seriously, who ever earns 3,000 tickets for an inflatable Chuck E. Cheese bouncy ball?

Actually, before we were finished with the games, Sadie came up to me thrust her prize pickins' in my hands and said, "I'm done, I am going to the playset." Huh? So, she did all her games, turned her tickets into the machines herself and got her prizes. O-K. She doesn't need me for that anymore. Ethan took for-ev-er to decide as he usually does. He always asks me if I think his choice is ok. Or, would I pick that if I were him. You know, the child that needs affirmation that he is doing the right thing. He accidently got shorted a measly 30 ticket item (the world to him) - a plastic scorpion ring. The boy was nearly in tears -at 8! The line was long, the prize redeemer had left his station leaving throngs of other kids waiting, Jay was impatient, I was in pain, Lily was itching to crack open her lollipops, so what was a mom to do? Yeah, you know it. I went around the line to the cashier and just said, we got short a scorpion deal - can we just get one? Supermom to the rescue, a boy's smile returned and we headed to the car.

Oh, this is an interesting tidbit...I was standing with Lily at the ticket redemption machine. We were there for a little while because Lily insisted on feeding them into the machine herself and really, it wasn't worth the battle. Another boy, age 7 maybe, was standing behind me, or rather kept slinking up beside me. He declared he was saving up for one of the larger prizes. Then he said, " I have to find Sadie." I said, really, I have a daughter Sadie. He said, "Yes, she is really nice, you know, as a friend. I have had fun playing with her." I had seen them playing together earlier in the germ generator, I mean playplace. I thought it was nice to hear. Upon recounting this story to Jay, Jay was aghast. He had seen them play together but saw it as a sign of the future. A future he is not quite ready for.

kid funnies

Conversation with Sadie, age 6, as she dried herself off from her bath
Sadie: I am growing arm hair (very matter of fact)
Me: What?
Sadie: I am growing arm hair
Me: Where?
Sadie: In my armpit, I have an arm hair
Me: (giggle) ok

Ethan wanted a buzz cut for the summer. As I started cutting his hair, he decided on a mohawk. I agreed he could have it for a few days and then we would buzz it off. I have never seen a child so into hair gel these days! Crazy about spiking that thing up and worried if anyone touches it or if his shirt messed it up when he changes clothes. We'll be buzzin' this weekend.

At dinner tonight:
Me: Lily, you need to eat over your plate
Lily: Mommy, you're a GEN - ius.
Me: What?
Lily: You're a genius!
Me: Ok!

Feast and Famine

I have a little book that my spiritual mentor gave me this past fall. It is called, "God is Enough" by Hannah Whitehall Smith. IMO, it ranks up there with "Streams in the Desert." Seriously. The entry for June 4th ridiculously sums me up. I am, once again begging forgiveness to our Almighty for the repetitious struggle I have. At least during my little trial over the past month I recognized where I was going - didn't prevent myself from going there, but at least recognized it. Oh, how I desire change! I am rejuvenated after reading this. Can you related?

Excerpt from June 4th

People who live in their emotions feel so at one with Christ that they look no farther than this feeling. They often delude themselves with thinking that they have come into the divine union, when all the while their nature and dispositions are still under the sway of self-love. (note by me: Ouch!)

We all know that our emotions are most untrustworthy and are largely the results of our physical condition or our natural temperaments. It is a fatal mistake, therefore, to make them the test of our oneness with Christ. This mistake works both ways. If I have very joyous emotions, I may be deluded into thinking I have entered the divine union when I have not. If I have no emotions, I may grieve over my failure to entire when I really have entered.

Character is the only real test. God is holy, and those who are one with Him will be holy also.

Back to my prattling again. After Ansley's death, I discovered that when I am in a funk or my circumstances have changes, I just sort of drift away. It is not that I doubt God or change my belief in Him. I just do not have Him a part of my day. Drift - that is the best word to describe it. It happens before I know it. This time, my back situation prevented me from going to church for 7 weeks+. I had little to no interaction with my brothers and sisters in Christ. Inside my house, the onslaught of new business responsibilities and the overwhelming load of tasks thrust upon Jay left no time for spiritual togetherness. The ridiculous hours I spent in my bed over the past month drove me to enough mindless tv to fill the rest of my life. By the way, the hours of 12noon - 3pm are torturous. I did not have any food coming in so I pitifully wasted away in this world. No one needs to tell me that I made the choice to drift. I know I did. The blame rests solely on me.

If stranded on a deserted island, how long would I remain in dialogue with God? I know He is always there. Why can't I be? I want to be.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I thought this was funny. Yesterday the girls were in the pool with Oma (Jay's mom - Dutch for grandmother). Lily announced that she was a white egg. (?) She had this very somber look on her face, eyes closed. She then asked Oma and Sadie to hold hands in a circle around her because they were the nest. Then she broke out in this very big smile and stated she had cracked! What interesting imagination - never heard of a child pretending to be an egg.

The last days of school was a bit of a blur with my medical issues, the arrival of Jay's mom, and my surgery. The kids' last day was the 29th. Awards night was on the 27th. At HPCA, every child gets an award. It may focus on academic achievement, but usually is more about their personality or character trait. Each grade level presents a song, poem or little skit about the school year and then they pass out the certificates as the awards are announced. It moves along pretty quickly. Sadie's class was the last kindergarten class to get their awards. I focused in on her face and as she was handed her certificate. I was poised to get the shot, Miss Adkins handed her the certificate and then Sadie held the certificate directly up in front of her face - preventing me from getting the picture. Pooh. Oh - she got the Leadership award for her class. No one I have told this to has been overly surprised by her award - she seems to be destined for something. The program ran long - until about 9 pm. Sadie was pretty wiped out and fell asleep in the pew before it was over. Thankfully, another mom captured it on her camera phone and emailed it to me.

Ethan was his usual cool self. He received the Humorous Personality and Superior Reading Award. I understand from his yearbook that he is quite the jokester. I don't see much of that at home so I find this compelling. He has come quite a distance this year in reading. He read the unabridged version of Tom Sawyer this year on his own. Considering where we were mid-way through first grade, I am very, very pleased. I am just thrilled that he appears to love reading - at least when it is something he is interested in. On to third grade!

Went to the doctor to get my staples out. This is the first time I have left the house since I came home from surgery A WEEK AGO! I am a little stir crazy, but I can't do much outside the house either. I am still very limited in what I can do - no driving, sitting - limited to 30 minutes at a time, walking/standing about 15 minutes at a time, no lifting, bending, twisting, no household duties, etc. I hope I will that I will get the green light on at least driving when I begin physical therapy sometime next week or the next. I am waiting for the office to call me with my appointment time.

One topic of discussion with my new BFF today was the fact that this surgery must bring about a permanent lifestyle change if I want to avoid this again. I will have to think twice before: picking up heavier objects (40 lbs.), ride in fast boats, water ski, ride roller coasters, run for distance, ride on a motorcycle, 4-wheel, etc. Basically, anything that jars my back will potentially cause a re injury. The only option if I blow out the 50% of disc that is left is for them to fuse the disc together. I am sure that is NOT delightful. Overall, that news was a bit of a bummer. Wonder what that will mean on a future trip to Disney?

God's sense of humor

About 6 weeks ago I asked my small group to pray for me and my attitude. Specifically, it was in regards to them. Over this year I had become increasingly irritated about the rush of cleaning my house for them every week. Because of my OCD-ness, I was always in a bad mood each Wednesday afternoon to the point that everyone felt it my family. I even started threatening to drop out of small group because of it. On one hand it was nice to have everything looking good, but it came at a very bad price. Knowing my sin, I confessed it to the group and asked for their prayers and forgiveness.

Ironically (if there is every any "irony" in God's world) the next week is when I started walking down this back pain path. Each week brought on more pain making it more and more difficult to get my house together. Finally, the no lifting, no bending at the waist, no twisting rule was established-try loading your dishwasher, vacuuming or laundry with those rules. So for 6 weeks I have let some things go. Since the surgery I have been completely incapacitated. I don't ever want to endure the pre or post surgery pain again so I am sticking to the rules like my life depends on it.

So, I happened to venture upstairs for the first time in nearly a week. Oh my. It wasn't horrible, but lots of little pieces of lego, fake teeth, clean and dirty clothes, coins to a Leap Frog game, piles of books everywhere, and then...I entered the bonus room. It looked like Sadie had pulled out every bit of craft do-dah we have - paints, kits, markers, scissors, little bits of papers, you name it. I was unglued. I lost it.

I have hit the wall, people, and I can't see the light. I know all of this is for my own good. God is really teaching me about the value of just being. But I am having a hard time accepting it. I can't enjoy it. It is such an uncomfortable place for me to be. I want to be back in control.

For those that think our house is falling apart, it isn't. We have flown Jay's mom in to help with the kids and basic household duties. Praise God for that woman. And we found our Hispanic cleaning marvel, Amilsa - another praise.

But when you see your youngest hitting your middle one. Or your youngest grab something she isn't supposed to and the runs away, it is completely aggravating, because I can't do anything discipline-wise at that moment. I just sorta sit there, or worse, start yelling. When you see your fun summer plans with your kids going down the drain, it is sad.

I am accepting of God's lesson. When I think about what He had to do to get my attention, I know it must be a serious sin. I just hope and pray I "get it" this time so that He doesn't have to do it again.

Home again, home again jiggity jig!

This will be brief. I am home! Surgery appears to be a success! It was one of the worst ruptured discs she had ever seen. It had dropped down and wrapped around the nerve. She said I was extremely lucky that it did not effect my bladder as it was right next to it. That is a real praise. I still have some leg pain which they said in my condition is not surprising. The nerve is normally the color of spaghetti, but mine was a bright red/purple from all the inflammation.

I am told that I will feel much, much better in about 2-3 days. I am in considerable pain - the muscles keep spasming so I am drugged up. Just took some more. Getting up and down, rolling on my side is excruciating- but I am hopeful that tomorrow and each day after will be better.

I am do to NOTHING - except some basic exercises and some walking over the next 2 weeks. Lifting nothing greater than milk, no laundry, dishes, no cooking...nothing.

I have to watch everything for the next 8 weeks. 90% will herniate again during this time period because they do something they shouldn't. Don't want to go through this again.

That's all. Just wanted to give a quick update. Email me - it is nice to hear from everyone. Just babble about your day if you don't have much to talk about. :) Or, better yet, answer my questions of the day on a previous entry. I forgot I am the reason Jennifer can't eat hot dogs anymore!!! Check out her comment.

Twas the Night before..

Heading for surgery tomorrow. I have to be there at 6 AM - yikes! Which means that I should be out of surgery around 9:30. Yeehaw! I am so excited - yes, excited - about getting pain relief! So - pray for me, the docs and all! I'll be at HP Regional and the sign that all went well is if I come home on Thursday.

I can't wait to blog about awards night at school tonight. Classic!

Catch you ladies soon!