I had a discussion with a friend last week that left me pondering this question in the midst of life just not feeling right. Is my discontent with life based on a) rose-tinted view of the past, or b) the realization that what I am experiencing is simply the way life normally is and I have just been fortunate no to have experienced it in this way, or c) am I just chemically unbalanced at the moment?
I liken what I have been feeling to wearing a pair of panty hose that is just one size too small with the elastic worn out at the top. Yeah, it is that uncomfortable. You know what I am talking about...you get it up to your waist, or above your waist for those that are so blessed to be short-waisted. Drag the legs up so that the crotch finally fits into place and continue to get dressed. At the beginning of your day, the pantyhose feels pretty good. It keeps your legs a little warm, evens out the color in your legs, maybe even hides a varicose vein or so. But then, as you walk about your day, the hose begins to sag. First, the waist rolls down, then inches toward your hips, dragging your panties with it (exempt only if you wear a thong). The crotch is the next to go sliding down your thighs until it is nearly at your knees,greatly limiting your stride.It gives me shudders just remembering that feeling. You head to the bathroom to try to repair it and while grabbing at it to pull it up, your fingers thrust through the woven elastic, ripping a finger-sizes hole and causing them to run. Thus, you further ruined something you were already really struggling with anyway.
It took this Sunday at church to give me my answer. I realized that issue of my daily grind being a bit irritating was not a, b, or c, but because I have been trying to fit into something that really isn't me at all. I have been wearing a pair of hose the size and fit of which initially gave me a "warm fuzzy." But as time progressed, that hose became my enemy, dragging me down, leaving me frustrated. It left me constantly trying to make it stay in place, perfectly stretched to my frame Conclusion? I had been conned. It was and will never, ever going to work.
I have been living in the world. As a result, I kept trying to use my own strength to get me through some tough emotions, just like trying to make that dreadful pantyhose stay in place. Guess what? I ruined it. It hasn't been comfortable and trying even harder to make it work has ultimately ruined quite a few things.