behind, behind, behind in blogging

I have good reasons, honest. First, I had no inspiration. Instead of writing ala Sienfeld (about nothing), I decided to wait until the mood was right. Then, the invasion of Jay's parents occurred - actually two days before scheduled. And, with built in help, I am pushing myself to get everything done while they are here in order to relax while they are gone. When I write that, I realize it should be the opposite, but not for me.

To date, the cards have been mailed, decorations are all up, Tanglewood light display has been seen, a list of 4 presents remain to purchase (of which I plan on ordering this evening), all presents are organized and ready to wrap, sugar cookies have been baked and decorated, and the gingerbread house has been constructed and is awaitng decoration, company Christmas party has been organized and food ordered, preschool Christmas breakfast and gift cards have been completed. Whew!

I have spent much of this time with Jay's mom listening to her tell me that when the children get older none of this will be important. I won't decorate very much, if at all, she says. "It isn't important," she says to me in her heavy accent. I have thought a lot about that and I think I beg to differ. Not only are we celebrating our Savior's birth (even though there is no documentation of it on this particular day), these are our traditions. I love traditions. We don't exaggerate them to the point that they cast a shadow on our religious beliefs, but they are a part of who we are and provide memories, time together, family-ness (if that is a word). I want my children to remember it fondly, full of laughter and fun. One day, I will be old, but then, God willing, I will have grand children and will want to do the same for them. It is a special time because we choose to make it so. And, as the year pass, I will continue to choose to make it so.

I have also been quite reflective on Christmas last year. My first without her. Sometimes, when you are so deep in the muck, you don't know you are there. That was me. So depressed and out of sorts. I had no motivation, no care. I remember having a heavy, heavy sense of dread. I am sure I wore that expression on my face and in my countenance. Christmas was a bit of drudgery and obligation. I am glad I can see clearly now. I am full of gratitude to have survived it, literally.

Ethan has been, I think, overloaded with school work. I am glad the holidays are nearly upon us as I think we are all desirous for a break. We still work diligently on responsibility. At least we had a week where Ethan did not forget to put his name on a single paper (an automatic 5 pt. deduction). Lots of sticky details this year which stresses me out.

Sadie had a couple of fabulous behavior days at school. Working hard, same as always. Showing more compassion and concern for others. Praying hard for our neighbor who has had a bad run lately. Praising for a friends' grandmother whose body has been receptive of chemotherapy. Sweet.

Little Lily is turning into quite an emotional little ball. Highs and lows like a roller coaster and coming and going just as quickly as one. Crying and whining and just trying to figure herself out. She wants so badly to be a part of the older children and their activities. She finds herself in limbo of not being a baby, yet not fully independent. A challenge for her, I am sure.

Fifteen days until Christmas and we are blessed.