Wednesday, October 08, 2008

a little wet dot

I am sitting down, for a spell, on the bed for a little rest. I am in the crazy, haze of market cleaning. I have come the conclusion (on my own though I don't know if it has any support) that my entire blown disc, incapacitation and resulting surgery was all caused from last April's cleaning. I spent the better part of two weeks bent at the waist, cleaning baseboards, organizing closets, wiping out drawers, and being my usual OCD self. Thankfully, this season is a bit better than last because I have some help. Bless their hearts - seriously. Jay realized that it was better to fork out a bit of our rent money to get the house clean than have me useless for three months post. Basically, I am handling the organizing, sorting and de-clutter. It feels gooooooood to purge!

So, I sat down and noticed a little tiny wet spot on my duvet cover. Hmmmm. What in the world would have caused that? More importantly, what is it? Oh. Yeah. It is one of Sadie's tears. My heart sank a little when I realized it. I know I have never seen her so dismal and joyless. Her class went on a field trip to the Natural Science Center today. I let her take $5 of her own money for the gift shop (though I have some issues with this entire system allowed by the school, but I digress). She plucked down what I hope was less than a $1 for two little rings. They had clear and pink stones in them. When she proudly showed them to me she announced that they were the same as her teacher's, Mrs. Newell. Well, as she said, except that Mrs. Newell didn't have pink stones; hers were all clear stones. She was clearly quite pleased with herself. She skipped away into the yard. I allowed Ethan and Sadie to play in the dirt/mud field for just a bit which was recently cleared by a bulldozer (more on that later). They came in, took baths and settled in for dinner.

At some point, Sadie realized she didn't have her rings on. She said she put them in her pocket while she was outside. Racing up the stairs to find her shorts, panic was on her face. I heard her let out a little shaky yelp as she realized they were gone. She came downstairs absolutely distraught. My heart hurt a little even though it was over two little plastic rings. Of course, she asked if I would take her back so she could get two more. I had to break it to her that we would not be able to do that. I offered that maybe she might find something she liked at the fair when we go Friday. I held her and hugged her and left her sniffling on my bed as I continued my purge. Not a few moments later, Jay came home. He knew by my face that something was amiss. I quickly explained the situation and sent him back to our bedroom where Sadie was still musing over her loses. As I walked by the door, I saw a dad laying close to his little girl, whispering comfort and consoling a broken heart. I suspect this won't be the last time either.

As I type this, that little dot is nearly gone. All over something rather mild in the scheme of things. Still, her heart was hurt and I felt inadequate because I could not make it all better. The rings are temporary. Forgotten by tomorrow, I bet. But, what will her life bring that will wound her soul, to the core of her being? How long will the affect of those tears last?

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