When working through some of my thoughts and emotions mentioned in my previous blog, God led me to the passage of Jesus praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. It is so incredibly appropriate that I felt it necessary to comment on it.
Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to His disciples, "Sit here while I go over there and pray." And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and began to be grieved and distressed. Then He said to them, "My soul is deeply grieved, to the point of death; remain here and keep watch with Me." And He went a little beyond them, and fell on His face and prayed, saying, "My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; yet not as I will, but as Thou wilt." And He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, "So, you men could not keep watch with Me for one hour? "Keep watching and praying, that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." He went away again a second time and prayed, saying, "My Father, if this cannot pass away unless I drink it, Thy will be done." And again He came and found them sleeping, for their eyes were heavy. And He left them again, and went away and prayed a third time, saying the same thing once more....
I did not know that Gethsemane aptly means "Oil Press." Of course, knowing you might have breast cancer is really not comparable to knowing for sure you are going to be crucified, but I still wanted to examine what was Jesus feeling, what was his attitude?
He was grieved.
He was distressed.
It was not his will, not his choice - he wished another.
A little aggravated at his friends, perhaps?
Finally, clearly he was spiritually willing to take on God's will for him, but his body (flesh) maybe wasn't so willing.
Looking at my reaction to my procedures, I can say:
I was grieved.
I was distressed.
I wished the result to be benign.
I was aggravated that I had to wait until Monday for results.
If this was my lot, I was, of course, willing to accept it, faithfully knowing God would have a purpose in it and would grow me through it. But, when I thought about the physical parts of what I might endure, I wasn't so willing.
Hmpf. Maybe I wasn't so off the mark after all. Thanks for the revelation, God.