May 5, 2006

Well, we survived market cleaning and moving out for market. We stayed at mom's for a week and then I took Ansley and the girls and went to Myrtle Beach to stay at the Clinard's condo. We had a good time. Ansley was really tired and did a bit of vomiting. I noticed she just doesn't talk like she used to. She doesn't initiate conversations and doesn't really respond too much to chatter. We talked about it on the way home and she said she just doesn't have any mental capacity to converse. Everything she does is for the cancer and she just can't get anything else together. It is tough not to have her as her old self. I think I have been in denial that she won't ever be herself again. It is a tough thing to swallow.

I was going through pictures that I have in 2004 (still that far behind in scrapbooking). There are pictures that all I can see in them is reminders of cancer. So, I am putting them in a separate pile in order to make my own book of cancer memories. I plan to put all the email updates in them as well. It will be a painful book, I am sure to make and look at in the future. However, it is one that needs to be made.

Lily has been extremely difficult the past couple of days since we have been home. She ran a fever for a day and then just screams. I don't know if it is teeth or if it is all the changes. She wouldn't sleep last night and I thought I would go crazy as she patted me and chattered away at 3 this morning. She seems to hate sliding around in her car seat when we go around a curve. Hey - maybe tightening the straps will help. She just screams. I don't know what she wants. It is so very unlike her. I hope the next week things seem to work a little better. It is VERY frustrating.

Sadie still clings to her boots. It seems to be that she wears them when she thinks it is more of an important occasion. Very funny about it. We picked up John and Alisa from the airport (coming home to have the baby) and she HAD to wear them. She made a hilarious comment tonight to me: "Daddy left on my purple light and I can't sleep with it on, it is too bright." Mind you, she has insisted that light be on as well as her bathroom light on for the 6 months and now it is TOO bright???? Finally she is letting me fix her hair in a ponytail or pigtails or braids. She looks so grown up. This all had to be because Mrs. Nance asked her to - whom she loves. She sees Mrs. Nance like a girlfriend who she can talk to about anything. Mrs. Nance has taught her so very much about the Lord and her own character. We have been so blessed!

Jay brought home a baby pool Friday with a little slide to it. THEY LOVE IT. They pretend to be seals and dolphins and sharks as they slide down into the water. Over and over and over they go down it. I really hope to have the swimming thing down pat before we go to France in July.

I need to compose the conversation I heard between Ethan and Sadie when they were down at the creek - probably back in late March/early April. They came back without Sadie's shoes. She was too scared to go back to get them by herself. I told her to ask Ethan to go with her. She did and he said no. Then I said Ethan would you help her. He said, ok, I'll go. She said, "Promise you'll keep me safe?" He said, Sure. Off they went - holding hands. Her knight in shining armor.

The above is such a sweet moment - and now it seems all they do is fight. The back seat is a war and I am so incredibly tired of it! I am going to have to come to some resolution to it. Ethan's attitude if he is not getting everything he wants can really stink and Sadie plays ignorant of his talkings and so it gets to him, too.

Ethan is all mesmerized by infomericals now. He was insistent we needed to buy this stick on crown molding. "Just peel, place and push," he said. Then he wanted me to get the Betty Crocker easy bake pan set. So funny. I can't believe school is almost over! Now, I will have a 1 st grader. Mrs. Segers told me how much he loves the Lord and what a sweet and enjoyable boy he is. Made me feel good. I can tell he struggles with reading. Math seems to be fine, but reading makes him nervous. It doesn't come easy and we will work on it this summer.

I am glad to have caught up on some of my "blogging" I am using this to remember more when I start scrapbooking. Oh - I need to write more about our Easter trip to Emerald Isle and the camper, church services, biking with our Easter clothes on.

Dates to remember: April 30 - Ethan rides without training wheels - learns at Grammy's house when I was at the beach, Sadie wants to do it, too and will probably do it in a matter of days (according to Jay), April 23 - Lily has fourth tooth on bottom to come in - a strange mix of teeth - two on the top, four on the bottom and two large molars in the back on the bottom.

Oh Strawberry picking today - nothing too interesting happened except that it took all of 15 minutes - so quick. Lily ate one and was clapping and excited that the juice spewed out of her mouth. Grammy and I laughed very, very hard.