behind, behind, behind in blogging

I have good reasons, honest. First, I had no inspiration. Instead of writing ala Sienfeld (about nothing), I decided to wait until the mood was right. Then, the invasion of Jay's parents occurred - actually two days before scheduled. And, with built in help, I am pushing myself to get everything done while they are here in order to relax while they are gone. When I write that, I realize it should be the opposite, but not for me.

To date, the cards have been mailed, decorations are all up, Tanglewood light display has been seen, a list of 4 presents remain to purchase (of which I plan on ordering this evening), all presents are organized and ready to wrap, sugar cookies have been baked and decorated, and the gingerbread house has been constructed and is awaitng decoration, company Christmas party has been organized and food ordered, preschool Christmas breakfast and gift cards have been completed. Whew!

I have spent much of this time with Jay's mom listening to her tell me that when the children get older none of this will be important. I won't decorate very much, if at all, she says. "It isn't important," she says to me in her heavy accent. I have thought a lot about that and I think I beg to differ. Not only are we celebrating our Savior's birth (even though there is no documentation of it on this particular day), these are our traditions. I love traditions. We don't exaggerate them to the point that they cast a shadow on our religious beliefs, but they are a part of who we are and provide memories, time together, family-ness (if that is a word). I want my children to remember it fondly, full of laughter and fun. One day, I will be old, but then, God willing, I will have grand children and will want to do the same for them. It is a special time because we choose to make it so. And, as the year pass, I will continue to choose to make it so.

I have also been quite reflective on Christmas last year. My first without her. Sometimes, when you are so deep in the muck, you don't know you are there. That was me. So depressed and out of sorts. I had no motivation, no care. I remember having a heavy, heavy sense of dread. I am sure I wore that expression on my face and in my countenance. Christmas was a bit of drudgery and obligation. I am glad I can see clearly now. I am full of gratitude to have survived it, literally.

Ethan has been, I think, overloaded with school work. I am glad the holidays are nearly upon us as I think we are all desirous for a break. We still work diligently on responsibility. At least we had a week where Ethan did not forget to put his name on a single paper (an automatic 5 pt. deduction). Lots of sticky details this year which stresses me out.

Sadie had a couple of fabulous behavior days at school. Working hard, same as always. Showing more compassion and concern for others. Praying hard for our neighbor who has had a bad run lately. Praising for a friends' grandmother whose body has been receptive of chemotherapy. Sweet.

Little Lily is turning into quite an emotional little ball. Highs and lows like a roller coaster and coming and going just as quickly as one. Crying and whining and just trying to figure herself out. She wants so badly to be a part of the older children and their activities. She finds herself in limbo of not being a baby, yet not fully independent. A challenge for her, I am sure.

Fifteen days until Christmas and we are blessed.

So, when did I become such a home body? It is the weekend of Thanksgiving and in years past would have been all up in black Friday shopping, visiting friends, going to the movies - just being out for being out's sake. I loved the crowds, the hint of holiday spirit in the air, traveling to and fro.

I guess the transformation began last year. It was just over a year ago when Jay said adios to his job and took a 6-month sabbatical from working. Actually, he was riding out a non-compete agreement and he did anything but not work during that time. Our beautiful, hand-crafted study is a testament to that. Being extremely tight on money we stayed at home and found ways to have fun without spending money. It wasn't easy for me - not the staying on budget, but the removal from society (ok, that is a little drastic of a description). For Jay, who has always been somewhat of a recluse, it was heaven. He prefers solitary hobbies - computer gaming, movies, etc.

Sure, this also has to do with her. She was my post-Thanksgiving shopping buddy.

Priceless

Squirrel Saga
Chapter 2 (To bring you up to date, Chapter 1 is here)

Ebsalic milk powder for puppies: 18.00
Bedding for the old bird cage: 9.00
Rich block food for rabbits and rodent: 8.00
New born puppy milk bottles: 4.50 (rejected by the squirrel)
Water bottle for cage: 2.00
Unshelled sunflower seeds: 1.50
Declared insane by all your friends and family: Priceless

Do I actually have to state the obvious? The squirrel is still here. Eyes are now open, tail beginning to bush out a little, not waking up in the night for a feeding (ptl!). Every day we talk about sending him away, but we (Jay) have grown a little attached (read obsessive). Today, I gleaned a tidbit on squirrel world.com (part of my daily reading now) that it is not a good idea to release a squirrel during the winter. Not the news I wanted to hear. "Oh, we'll keep him for longer, honey. It is pretty easy," said by Jay, the squirrel man. This all still smells like roses (well, not the squirrel because squirrel deification really stinks) but he still doesn't have teeth of any significance. Mark my words, this is all going to come crashing down like a house of cards. One bite...and it is adios Theodore. More posts to come.

Anne of Green Gables

I think I posted several months ago that Sadie and I began reading, "Anne of Green Gables" together at bedtime. Somewhere early on, we forgot about it and for some reason, Sadie brought it back out a few nights ago. I was a bit giddy when she handed it over, for several reasons. It is the perfect book as the chapters are fairly short, verbiage simple and yet, almost a mini-story within the larger tale. And, yet, I was hesitant because of what it does to me.

I was hesitant because the book is emotional draining for me. I have subjected myself to more than one occurrence of tears building in corners of my eyes, daring to over flow onto my face. Is it the fact that I am a mother and it hurts how Anne is treated at times? Is it the fact that I feel some sort of connection between the tragedy this girl faces and disappointments in my own life? Is it my own loneliness and sense of displacement that is our bond? Or is it the basic reality that I am tired and worn out from the usual routine of being a stay at home mom which is not physically draining, but emotionally fatiguing. I am going with the latter - the others are just poppycock.

Side note: Can you tell I have been waiting for a reason to use the word "poppycock" upon learning of its Dutch origins meaning soft dung. Ok - back on topic.

Apparently, I may be the only one who never read this book or saw the movie as a young girl. So don't spoil it for me. I can still remain hopeful that it get less heavy on the old box of tissues.

There have been other books that have brought me to this point. After she died I read several books about death and grieving to the kids - you can imagine the response. But, those are pretty obvious ones. I wasn't expecting "AoGG" to do it to me.

This leads to a question - or, sadly, more appropriately for this blog since I have few commenters - it begs the thought: What books have you read to your children that made you cry? Or have you read a book ,written for a "younger" audience, for your own pleasure that elicited some emotional upheaval?

Is the doctor in?

This is a blog about nothing in particular, a chronicle of my life with my children. I don't think this is earth shattering news to most who visit this site. So, bear with me on this post as it involves a frequent topic this year - the ridiculousness that is my medical year. I have always considered myself healthy. I eat decently, occasionally work out (occasionally maybe stretching it), in a normal weight category and up until this year rarely went to the doctor. I started tallying some statistics and here is what I came up with since January 2008:

8 P/T appointments

3 MRIs

2 CTs

2 biopsies

2 ultrasounds

1 major surgery

I won't go into the details about my latest medical intervention, but I have to wonder - Is this what getting old is like? Are your days numbered by doctor appointments, tests and uncertainty? I used to wake up each day, taking my health quite for granted, going about my day without a thought about how I would get my daily grind complete. Not again.

My heart is more in tune with those without health insurance who either suffer in pain or suffer financially. There really is no middle ground here, right? When you are debilitated by a disease or injury everything just basically stops. The daily grind ends and everything takes second place. I watched it with Ansley, but it really is different when you experience it, personally. Definitely a new perspective.

I am grateful that is not our current lot. We have insurance, crappy insurance, but insurance nevertheless. Now, we are facing the end of our COBRA benefits in about 6 months. We are shopping around for a group policy for the business. Not really the time to have your worse health year ever. It will be interesting to see what the final tally is.

Where in the World is...?

I found a really cool site:

http://strangemaps.wordpress.com/

Each day, the author blogs about an interesting map, part of geography, some statistcal data. Its breakdown map of the election results by county is really fascinating. Some of it is relevant to every day life. Some is probably best to be stored, ala Cliff Clavin from Cheers for that random moment in time when it might be a nice annecdotal comment.

I have always been drawn to maps. My favorite puzzle as a child was a map puzzle which had the US on one side and a world map on the other. It had the main indsutry in symbols on the states which is where I learned that Ohio had a mining industry (who knew). I can also remember our 7th grade social studies book which was organized by each continent and then country, listing fascinating facts about each. That is where I remembering the eye-opening awareness that in some parts of the world people live on $4/day or less and that the average life span is only 49.

I will be bookmarking it - it is just up my alley.

Just a Little Squirrely

Saturday, Jay decided to chop down a couple of dead oak trees in our back yard. These were enormous oak trees - just humongous. I was very sad that we lost them, but it is what it is. I could hear the chain saw buzzing from inside the house and just a while later heard the phone ring. It was Jay calling me from outside.

Jay: Kels - I think you need to bring the bird cage or box or something. There was a nest of something in this tree. I am not sure what it is. They are screaming - it is terrible.

Kelsey: Do you think it is a squirrel's nest? I'll find what I can. At which point the kids had been alerted to the "squirrel's nest" and started bolting out the door.

When I got to where Jay was, he explained that there were two "babies" but Bobo (the dog) got to one before he did. There was one left and no momma to be found. It was definitely a squirrel. Ethan bolted back into the house to get on the internet to read about caring for baby squirrels. Jay announced that he thought it would be a great "family project."

We guess he is about 5 weeks old - some fur on most of his body, but eyes still closed. We wrapped him up and waited to see what happened. In the meantime, we got out an old kid's medicine syringe and tried to give it liquids. After a few tries, he took to it like a baby and a bottle. He is thriving and even lets us know when he is hungry by a very high pitched squeal which sounds much like a squeaky wheel.

The really "squirrely" thing about this situation is Jay. Seriously, he has cared for this little mammal just about more than his own kids as newborns. The man has gotten up in the middle of the night to feed him, helps him go to the bathroom and swaddles him up in an old t-shirt of his. The squirrel sleeps in a box by his bed. Here are some quotes from Jay that make me spit my coffee through my nose:

*I don't know, I held him, felt his heartbeat and something changed.
*I think I love him.
*Look at him, have you ever seen anything so cute?
*Do we have to give him away?
*Using the word "teet" which would be fine on a farm or veterinary class, but used in your own bed by your husband feeding a squirrel is just weird.

At first I thought it was all some pent up need for another baby. But now, I sit in limbo on this opinion. Jay was responsible for orphaning this squirrel and it is probably this guilt that is propelling him to Dr. Dolittle status.

I called the Wildlife Rehab emergency line yesterday and sent two emails to licensed rehab specialists, but haven't heard anything, yet. If it were a good idea to have a pet squirrel then everyone would do it, right? It is time to bring in the experts and send him on his way.

The kids will be a little sad at the loss, and Jay...what am I going to do with him? Therapy?

Update: It looks like all rehab places are full. We could drive to the zoo (an hour) or hang on until an opening. Oh, the dilemma.