Tadpoles - the next generation

Growing up, Ansley and I spent a week or two every summer at my grandmother's house in the almost non-existent town of Coats, NC. This one-stop-light town in Eastern, NC epitomizes all that is good and bad of the rural south - safety, community, faith, farming, poverty and racism.

But for us, it was heaven for those two weeks. Mama Lib's house was full of love and healthy discipline. The weeks were a balance between work in their very large vegetable garden and fun days at the Moose Lodge pool, vacation bible school and drives to larger towns for their bowling alleys and water slides. I learned all about picking peas, shucking corn (and the little nasty worms that sometimes accompany it), shelling pecans, even digging up potatoes. We were allowed to pick whatever cereal we wanted from the grocery store for that week. What a treat this was as we were only non-sugar cereal like Cheerios in my house. I always went for Lucky Charms, while Ansley, the sugar addict that she was, went for Frankenberry or BooBerry with all of its food coloring and cups of sugar.

Our only cousin, Alan, lived with my grandmother for a few years and he is an integral part of my wonderfully fond memories there.

One summer, Mama Lib took us to a fish farm to hear about how they raised the fish. At the end, we were allowed to take a tadpole home with us. They lived in a bucket outside her carport and we named them. We watched in anticipation nearly hourly as they slowly grew legs, tails disappearing. One morning we checked on them and there were only two left. One had jumped the bucket, setting out for his new adult life. Later that day, the other two disappeared. We were sad as it had been a fun adventure and lesson in nature.

This all came to mind to me yesterday. Jay took the cub scouts on a hike around Pilot Mountain. Sadie tagged along as well. They came home happy, but worn out. Sadie found some friends to bring home, too. As you can probably predict, I now have a bucket on my back deck full of little tadpoles. Already this morning, they have been checked on by their Mother Sadie at least four times before leaving for church.

What a lesson for me now, as a mom. I watch my own children so closely with anticipation, love. They are growing faster than I would like, each day bringing new changes and challenges, laughter on new levels and conversations with more depth. Suddenly, I know, they will be adults, ready for the world. And, I am sure, I will be filled with much more sadness when the fun adventure of having them under my roof and under my watchful eyes is over.

Working on the Change, Gang

I know, I know, I have butchered some lyrics in the title, but it aptly applies to my week. Tomorrow is a super big day in the Dumoulin household. It is the realization of a life-long dream of Jay's. It is opening day of our new business, RaRa Telecom Supply.

Jay has been at home as he has ethically waited out his 6-month non-compete agreement from his former employer. It has been 6 months of unexpected blessings. Jay has become a master baker - his authentic Dutch apple pies are to die for along with numerous variations of bread made daily. We haven't bought bread the entire time he has been home! At least I know that if the business fails, we can fall back on baking. Some lady hawks her apple pies on QVC for $35 and I KNOW they can't be as scrumptious!

Another blessing has been in the time he has spent with the children. They will never forget this time of Dad taking them to and from school, Dad taking them to the library, Dad being focused solely on them and not distracted by work. Upon returning home, I would often find Jay upstairs in Ethan's room, with all three kids, making and creating with legos - thousands of pieces scattered all over the floor. Priceless.

Jay is an incredible financial planner. This gift is especially important because I am not. It is only through his dedication that we were able to have 6 months without income and not incur any debt. God showered incredible blessings on us during this time and HE gets the glory for this. We were blessed by income tax returns, market rental money, money from a photo shoot at our house, and two unexpected inheritances. It has been an incredible ride.

Yes, it was a trying time at first. Jay was abruptly inserted into my daily schedule and my self-created world. He questioned processes I had created that worked for me. He checked the grocery bills, he challenged my time-management skills, he even asked about laundry. It was tough.

However, I found myself staying at home more, partially out of financial need and partially because it was fun to hang out together. One night in late November, I realized that we actually, *gasp*, chit-chatted. I reveled in it. Clearly, we had come to a point in our marriage where communication consisted only on doling out information and instruction. Now here we were, chatting like we did on our first date. Suddenly, I found my husband again - the man I married - not the man whose previous job had turned him into a volcano that erupted on a regular schedule. It was a clear revelation that this is where we needed to be - whether the new business succeeded or not.

Jay knows his direction - the compass is crystal clear. I am still a little hazy - my life consists of the usual stay at home duties. But now a new element - the business - has been thrown in. I have been thrust into an industry I know nothing about, working on government contracts - say what? My brain has not crunched numbers, worked a fax machine, maintained databases, worked in a business environment in over 7 years. I am a little shell-shocked. It also doesn't help that my pain issues prevent me from sitting for more than 10 minutes (more on that later). At some point a decision will have to be made. I will have to go forward with the business, giving up some of my household duties OR forgo the business and maintain my position. It is easy to give up cleaning the house, maintaining the yard and errands, BUT I can't give up time with my kids. I am already enrolling Lily in 5-day a week preschool next year, a step I did begrudgingly. They are quietly growing up on me and I am already trying to grasp at the stages they were at yesterday. Ethan will be 8 - yes, 8, at the end of this month. I don't want to miss anything, but yet, my husband needs me now, too. I pray to God for a clarity and balance - that the position I take is what God would want from me and that Jay senses it, too.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

I am, once again, sitting in bed typing on the laptop. One of God's greatest gifts to us, I think, is the gift of wireless! Just kidding. But, it does enable me to work and play - all from the comforts of my bed. Unfortunately, pain is still ruling my life these days. MRI was on Friday - results on Monday. Things were definitely worse on Saturday. One thing I have noted: Everyone seems to have a back pain/muscle pain story. That is good on one hand, but confusing. It seems this sort of pain can come from a variety of sources - bulging/herniated discs, muscle inflammation, and even tumors (I won't go there). Given that I have one bulging disc in my medical repertoire, I am inclined to go in that direction. Along with the varying back pain experiences I have been told come that many different remedies - epidurals, surgery, physical therapy, medications, steroid injections, chiropractors, Epsom salt baths, etc. I don't doubt they all work, but trying to sort it all, without a definite diagnosis, has been an exercise in futility.

On Monday, I plan on going "all in" in this poker game of medical diagnosis. If they happen to tell me there is nothing on the MRI - well, I am broke. Right now, I want them to find something want. So, finding out what it is will be like winning the lottery. I want a definitive diagnosis so at least I can focus on getting well.

RaRa Telecom Supply - Day 1

Today is the day! Our first day in business!
Check out the website:

www.raratel.com

Jay did it all and I have to say - it is pretty impressive!
Pain still searing in the leg - MRI tomorrow.
First day...lots to do. I'll post more soon!

Tuesday, April 28, 2008

A new little person arrived in this world today! I have a new nephew - John Zebulon Greene, V. He will be called Zeb. I just love that. Praise to God for a healthy baby and delivery in Thailand!

I am still nursing my aches and pains. I had an x-ray done yesterday (although I am not sure why). After finding nothing, I am sure, the next plan is an MRI. I wait for the call from the doctor. I am unable to sit up for more than a couple of minutes, therefore, I cannot drive. Jay took the kids to school today. This is getting old.

One positive...I had a wonderful hydrocodone slumber last night.

Pain in the rear

The title of this post says it all. I have the most intolerable pain in my rear which runs down the back and side of my thigh. I feel the most pain when I am sitting up - like when driving or working at a desk on my computer. In order to write this post, I am reclining on my bed while sitting on an ice pack (how lovely). This pain has been going on for well over a week but in the last couple of days has increased dramatically. I went to the doctor yesterday and was given some anti-inflammatory stuff and some pain meds. I really thought I would see a vast improvement today. Nope. I drove Ethan and Sadie to the barn this morning (all of a mile from the house) and by the time I got home was ready to slap someone silly.

I did what every person does these days when they have any sort of pain. I consulted the internet. Seems it may or may not be sciatic nerve stuff, a bulging disc or a muscular issue resulting with nerve pain. No duh. However, what scared me the most was that some of these people were talking about 3 years with this kind of pain. What?!?!?!

So, here I lay. It is a beautiful, beautiful day to be outside working on our garden, playing with the kids, even getting out the sprinkler. Instead, I am a slave to my bed, slave to my house, slave to the whims of Jay who needs me with only 5 days to RaRa launch. Someone help me...

A ball of goo

I don't know what it is about this week. I have been an emotional ball of goo. I have cried at the drop of a hat, buckets, sobbing, little sniffles, even random tears. Sure, there is a lot on my plate...a lot of changes, but I am a little taken aback by it all. Maybe this is where is all started...


There was a great article in the paper on Sunday about a couple who has been married for 66 years (66 years!). The wife has been caring for her husband for the past 10 years because he has Alzheimer's. A few years ago, it was required that he be moved into a facility. Despite this, she spends 10-12 hours each day at his side taking care of his every need. She is there to dress him, feed him, take him to the bathroom, give him sips of water, but most importantly, she is there to hold his hand. That is their thing - hand holding. According to her, that is what they have always done. Last week, they renewed their vows at the care facility. Arranged by the staff there, they had a minister and even a small reception. It seemed that for a brief moment, her husband responded and smiled with a little yeah when asked if he would take his wife forever. The tears were plenty. I know, I was there. The story was about my grandparents.


Only a week later, my grandfather sits in ICU. His heart is getting weaker, prostate cancer has invaded his kidneys and the Alzheimer's progressing. I went to visit last night and as I walked into his room, there was my grandmother, doing what she has done for the past 66 years. She was sitting beside him holding his hand. My grandfather was asleep with the occasional moan or snore.


I sat down and we talked. I have, ashamedly, discounted the actions of my grandmother as a sign of weakness. Her lack of "a life", her incessant dedication to my grandfather, her inability to make long-term decisions regarding his care all seemed to be a deficiency in her mental capacity to accept reality and to strike a healthy balance. Her drive to keep him alive each and every day seemed to be a waste of the time God has given her on this earth. Shame on me.

What I learned from her was really one of God's lessons to us all. It was a lesson that God showed me many times in my journey with Ansley. I have followed this lesson for short periods of time and then my old always-be-prepared, controlling self would start creeping back in again. It is simple and it is her motto. "I just take it one day at a time," she says matter of factly. She doesn't think about the what ifs, the possibilities, or what the future holds. She simply waits for the situation to change before she processes it. Admittedly, she says she can't go there and she doesn't. She just loves my grandfather for what he is today.

My grandmother believes as I do, that God is completely in control and the he will take care of this entire situation - my grandfather's health, her health, his care, even my grandmother's grief when her companion of 66 years is gone. But she has successfully managed to work it out into her daily life. I have not.