I received an email from a good friend in regards to my post, Forever Young. My friend wrote very clearly what I have been feeling:
Been there, done that, felt the same abandonment - back here, keeping all the plates spinning, making everything "look right" on the outside, being everything to everyone. Can I possibly be the same person now that I was then? Is the same me still inside? There are days when that voice of wanderlust is still and quiet, but many days when she is screaming at me to get up and go. But I remember that I'm the responsible one now, the one with commitments and schedules, the one with too many people dependent on me.
Do I miss that life? - yes. Am I happy with my life now? - yes. But above all, I'm grateful God gave me those years to wander and roam His fabulous world. It gives me depth and perspective now which hopefully makes me a better wife, mom, sister, person, etc ...
I have done a bit of thinking about what I am teaching my kids. Are we enjoying life, amidst the routine and jobs. Or, am I so focused on performance and responsibility that it is completely overshadowed. I mean, does it really matter if the laundry sits on the table for one more day or if their rooms are messy more days than clean? What are we doing every day to enjoy what God has given us?I agree that voice is louder on some days than others. I guess it is screaming at the top of my lungs at the moment. Now, what to do with it....
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1 comment:
I am not sure exactly why, but I am in tears when I read this. What you have written and what your friend has written also, holds so true for me. There are days when I question what am I really doing. The laundry, the cooking, the cleaning, the routine that keeps our family going; but are we really living? I definetly do not have that same sense of "aliveness" I had when I was free, young, and enjoying His creation. My wanderlust never fades- sometimes it is a little quieter than other days, but other times it is relentless.
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