Friday, November 2, 2007

Seriously can not believe it has been two months since my last blog. So many things to write about!

My emotional state: very, very good. Am I really writing that? Things really changed for me on Ansley's birthday. We did a scrapbook event to raise money for breast cancer on her birthday. The mere details of how that all worked and how it landed on Ansley's birthday was nothing short of a God thing. Colby and Gray came to work on their books. Gray left early, but Colby decided to make a day of it. It felt so awesome to have this time with him. He has Ansley's gift of design and made pages that were better than some adults! He loved it, I loved it, I loved him being there. It was just like having a bit of Ansley there. It was priceless for me and gave me a hope that I haven't felt since her death. I haven't cried this week - no, I take that back. I did cry early on Monday. Anyway, the writing of the above has made me quite emotional.

Still very worried about Graylyn. She is not herself. Very sad in my opinion. Doesn't know how to just be herself, but seems to try to act how she thinks would make people like her. She needs her dad, but he is not available. I can't write the details of that situation as it is now a personal promise not to get involved or in the know of that situation. The more I dwell, the more involved I become, the more angry and upset I become. So, I don't go there.

Lily has started singing. Since she still has many speech impediments, it often cracks me up. Instead of saying Lord, she says Wo-rd. very cute. She has gotten quite bossy and sassy. She will fold her hands and stomp her feet. She throws herself down for attention. So much of it is drama and for affect. She has started fighting me about the potty. She poops almost all the time in her panties which just makes me boil. She does pretty good when we are out, but by the end of the day she just gives up and just pees everywhere. It really makes me angry. I don't know what to do about it as we take things away, spank, time-out, etc. Nothing seems to work. It is very frustrating. She is doing well at school. But, by far music is her favorite. She asks everyday if she gets to go to music. One day I showed up to help with lunch and she told me point blank to "leave, Mommy, Go away." On the other hand, she had a complete meltdown the other night when Jay and I had to go to a funeral and Grammy was here when she woke-up from a nap. She totally freaked and was like that for about an hour. Mom ended up calling me. she said that Lily looked up at her with those big tears and it reminded her and looked just like me at that age. Lily got her first inch cut off her hair. I forgot picture day and she wore a track suit. Ugh. Can say the most grown-up things, yet, still such a little girl. Uh-oh, I just heard Jay going after Lily. She can be such a tantrum thrower! I can't wait for her to get past this stage, or rather US get her past this stage.

Sadie is doing better and better with school and behavior. Her teacher said she is so very smart, but we have to continue to work on impulsive behavior, etc. Miss Adkins said that she loves having Sadie in her class - I think she brings a lot of funny antics and laughter. In our conference with Miss Adkins, Jay felt that he was now his parents in a conference about himself. Sadie is so much like him. She has a very grown-up side to herself and a very responsible side which is a so contrary to the impulsive and out of control Sadie. She still gravitates to older friends. I think she doesn't feel competition with them. We are working on getting her to recognize when she feels out of control - when her environment is too much to handle, when she is tired, etc. If she can verbalize this feeling, then we can get her to a quiet place, a place to get herself refueled. We accomplished this twice during the BBQ festival. I was thrilled. It was sensory overload for her and she did quite well. One time I had to put her in timeout and when I told her she could come out, she decided she still needed some time to herself. She wasn't mopey about it - she just knew she needed some more downtime. I know now how to recognize that behavior and what to do - get her to herself. The book, Raising a Spirited Child, has been so helpful and insightful. Sadie is a natural born leader and thinker. She is destined for amazing things. I can't wait to see God work in her and she how she becomes His princess.

A cute comment she made to Karen while being brought home:

Karen: So, Sadie what time is your bedtime?

Sadie: In about 2 minutes.

Karen (looking at car clock which says 7:10 pm). When?

Sadie: In about 2 minutes, but sometimes 5

Karen said she kept cracking up over that little conversation. Cracks me up - I mean HOW many times have I said, "We are going up to bed in about 2 minutes."

Ethan had the best report card EVER. I don't know what happened over the summer, but his attention span and his ability to stay focused seemed to have just arrived. I let him have four friends over. They are a great group of little boys. However, Ethan just seems to have such high expectations of his friends sometimes. He expects them to do everything he wants to do and of course that is not always the case. He also got a little snippy with me over some decisions I made about what they could and couldn't do. I wanted to send everyone home at one point as Ethan began to let his emotions get the best of him (the usual tears and then the subsequent embarrassment over the tears).

So much more to write, but time is short these days.