Monday, March 17, 2008

Happy St. P Day! Actually, I could care less about it - I mean, I am not Irish - so why should I participate. I forgot to tell the kids. Sadie was spared the obligatory pinching, but Ethan was not so lucky. He was a little perturbed at me. Oops! I told him I would try to remember next year.

Lily was her usual bossy little self today. I found myself being the patient to her doctor late this morning. I was laying on her floor as she poked, prodded and gagged me. It was delightful. I got the biggest kick out of realizing that underneath her doctor smock, she had on no panties. As she bent over to shove the thermometer in my mouth, I was a little startled and started laughing. I couldn't help it - I had forgotten to get her a new pair right after she went potty - obviously, she didn't care.

We dyed Easter eggs Saturday night. What fun! It was nice to only have that overwhelming feeling right at the start - everyone excited, materials not quite ready, hands reaching and grabbing, boiled eggs being held too tightly or dropped on the table, etc. Everyone settled down and got busy. Even Lily took her time and enjoyed it. We all got 4 eggs - Jay did 2. Sunday, I made egg salad which no one will probably eat! Sadie liked dying the tops and bottoms different colors. Ethan liked writing things on his eggs. Lily liked using the q-tips and coloring her egg with it - made an attempt at writing her name, too. We had an egg hunt at church after KidsStuff - They LOVED it. It was great - no one grabbed, no one panicked and even Lily loved it. All day today she was opening up her eggs to reveal the hidden treasures. I can't imagine how much candy she actually consumed!

We had family time dinner tonight- the kids ate like little piglets. They kept thanking me for the dinner which made me feel so good. Sadie's has really started turning out the prayers - really heart-felt stuff. It makes me feel that she is growing in her faith. It is great. She told Lily that she needed to be nice to people or else they wouldn't want to be her friend. Maybe some of this is becoming apparent to her (Sadie) - realized, known, and most importantly experienced. She surprised me greatly this weekend on two occasions - she really thought about someone else before herself. It was great to witness. I took her aside on Saturday and spent some special time with just her, telling her how proud I was of her - how I could see her changes and effort. She beamed. We took a great little snuggly nap together. So sweet. She has wanted me to fix her hair lately - pigtails. Another wonderful event because it shows that she wants to present herself as maybe a little more polished. I want to be careful to not to promote beauty, but promote taking care of yourself.

And, maybe most interesting...she ROCKED on Saturday at the last Upwards basketball game. I couldn't believe the improvement. First, I was talking with another mom and I started hearing parents cheering - someone said, "Go Sadie!" I looked up and there she was hovering over Hunter Gines (a boy in her class). She would not let him get past her with the ball - she was all over him. It was a shining moment in what I could see could be a long career in sports. She continued to play strong defense and attempted to make 4 baskets, made several assists ALL while being the ONLY girl on the floor. At the after game meeting, Coach Blackburn told Sadie it was THE play of the season! She got the Christ-like award and the defensive player award. WAY TO GO SADIE! You are fearless!

As I write this about her, my heart is so heavy. Painful - pity - I don't know how else to describe my feelings about Gray. There is a little girl whose years are lost - the days are not marked with milestones. No one is writing down her accomplishments. No one is teaching her about finding her worth in Christ. No one is giving her the attention in her life that makes her feel secure or helps her to know that she is so incredibly loved. Well, at least no one in her immediate zone. I don't know how to help them. I don't know how to save them. I wish more than anything that their situation were different. My God - why do you allow this to happen to your children. I know the answer, God, I do. I trust that You will bring them out of this, that these experiences will bring them to a deeper reliance on You.

My heart is no longer filled with anger or bitterness. Instead it is pity and sorrow. The brokenness that is sure to come will be heavy and painful. I brace myself for it as I know that those around will feel the affects.

I must move on.

Sunday, Lily had her hair in braids - so incredibly cute with those glasses. She had on a dress with a red cardigan, white socks and red Mary Janes. She just be-bopped herself around showing off her braids (which were quite long). I could have just GOBBLED her up. When we arrived at KidsStuff- she just RAN into the show and started dancing, jumping and singing. Everyone around me (Debbie Cooper and Beth) just started laughing - we couldn't help it - it was just so darn CUTE!

Ethan had a great long weekend. He went to the barn to work on Thurs afternoon. I think he is itching to ride - maybe this week. He spent Friday morning with the Silver's at Peyton Fowler's grandfather's farm. He played hard - riding bikes, playing with a donkey and all sorts of other things. Then, Colby came over. They had such a SWEET time together. I love watching them play. They made a fort in the front circle - complete with tarp, sticks, blanket and Ethan said, an Activity Center. Colby even wrote down some rules (horribly misspelled, but readable). At one point I saw them with their shirts off on the trampoline. I just wish they had more time like that together. They played Star Wars Lego, checked out some I Spy books together...Ethan was in heaven.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Lily:
Accomodating Esotropia - new glasses, doing well - surgery still possible.
Needs to help mom "Brush" the potato crumbs out of the bed - which she can't do because she doesn't have a brush

Sadie:
Throwing away school work - the devastating revelation that her mean mommy does
Crushed at having to leave the puppies when Bobo was nearly attacked by momma dog - she hated Bobo at that moment

Ethan:
Sweet, sweet older brother to Lily - caters to her, loves her, likes for her to sleep with him - without bringing to his bed "beep beep or sound toys" as he has taught her to say
Feeling a little sicky today - sore throat - handling it quite well.

The end of an era - the revolving door of pets in the Dumoulin household. Over the past three years, we have had:
1 dog
2 cats
3 puppies (sweetie, and two other found puppies)
4 love birds
2 hermit crabs - one of which made trip to church in Sadie's underwear and then, forgotten, spent time in my car
Not pets, but found three wild birds in the house, one baby squirrel and a bat
2 field mice - one found in car, one found in pantry and then lost in my car, then caught in my car, then clubbed to death by Sadie.

Now - we have:
1 dog - Bobo - who we started with and will end with. NO MORE PETS! I can't take it and will not suffer through any more tears from my children. As I write this, the children have not noticed that the birds have been gone for over a week. That pretty much says it all - who took care of the pets, who loved them. Actually, it is probably not their tears I am tired of, it is mine. The only thing I take care of worse...houseplants. We have one, a peace lily, which has been here since Ansley's death. That would be a record. Only Bobo beats it (and he only has one eye).

Pathetic.

Tuesday, February 19, 2007 journal list

Things you love that I don’t:
Ethan:
Video Games
Fish
Beanie Weanies

Sadie:
A mess
Sleeping on top of covers
Hair that is styled all your own


Things that are uniquely you – that fascinate me:
Ethan:
Likes ears
Ability to remember from long ago
Dream up lego creatures
Deep thoughts about God
Wonderful singer
Space Cadet moments, totally in your own world


Sadie:
Sleeping on top of covers
Always sweating when sleeping
Ability to cut perfectly even tiny details
Dancing like no one is watching in your own Elaine-esque way
Loving all of God’s creation, especially animals
Can paint your toenails with precision at 6

Lily:
Your little gallop-run
Your eyes that wander
Hair with beautiful natural high-lights
Ability to laugh at absolutely nothing- just random acts of giggle
Your increasing southern drawl
Playing with a group of little things - you will talk to them, let them interact and make up your own little story - all by yourself, regardless of who is around.

Things that trouble me:
Ethan:
Ability to let others take the punishment for you
Concern about how others see you
Believing you know better than I do

Sadie:
Manipulative
Mean

Lily:
Sneaky

Things we are working on:
Ethan:
Trust
Self-worth in God
Anger

Sadie:
Kindness
Self-Control

Lily:
Obedience
Listening

Tuesday, February 19, 2007

So, there was no decided fate (see yesterday's part 2 blog). Instead, I got the - you need to change, stop yelling, end of story. No helpful hints, no teamwork, no encouragement, no prayers...NOTH - ING. Very frustrating. SO that furstration built over night, unbeknownst to me and grew into a yuck ball of "I hate everything, but mostly you, J." Great. Lost it again on my way out the door to pick up Lily. Emotions so out of control - anger so deep that I nearly drove away, never to come back again. I am so tired of life out of my control. Such a deep seeded issue for me that I don't know if it will ever be in the light and completely over. I hate this cycle and spent the better part of the drive calculating my next move and wondering to God why this keeps happening. The best part of the day was that I was stuck at Wal-Mart for 2.5 hours. Why, might you ask, is this the best part? I was waiting for a prescription transfer which takes some time. This allowed me to shop at my LEISURE - because I couldn't go anywhere else. How nice to spend as much time as I wanted walking the aisle...AND THEN... I saw it. John Rosemond's latest book on Parenting. I simply read the best part right there in the book section while my frozen chicken breasts were slowly defrosting. I got some great tips on how to get them to do the simple things, the simple tasks like putting clothes in the hamper. So, I picked up the kids from school and away we went home with my new plan and ideas prepared. Did it work? YES - in that the were receptive and not at all rebellious or whiney with the punishment which was quite severe for the act. Did they come out of their rooms with a new attitude - YES! Will it last? I sure hope so!!!! I will stay diligent in this new offensive against whiny, bas attitudes and apathy!!! Oh, and it probably didn't hurt that I found a fabulous pair of cropped stylishly dark jean pants for only $5! Whoo-hoo!

Monday, February 18, 2008 part 2

To my wonderful, darling children,

I am sorry. I am sorry that I completely lost my temper this morning. I am sorry that I do not know how to teach you to listen to me, to obey me, to want to help me. Instead, I resort to yelling, loudly, to get your attention and to let you know just how fed up I am. Do I expect too much of you - to keep your rooms clean? Have I let the routine of having a clean room at night slip through our fingers? How do I get you to put your clothes in the hamper? How do I teach you to slow down durng your school work (life) so that all that studying isn't wasted over a loss of 5 points because you forgot to write your name on your paper (wasted on the unimportant)? Have I lost sight of the respect that I (God) should get from my children (me)? Do you trust me? Do you know why I am trying to teach you and train you? Do you understand my frustration over your selfishness, your inability to look past your own desires? Isn't this all for your benefit? Could this be a letter written from God to me? Hmmm...

I lost it this morning over the fact that both children had playdates coming and their rooms had clothing, toys, etc. all over them. Now, should it really matter? Well, yes, because they couldn't really play in their rooms with anything because of the mess. Not to mention that their dad was supposedly on top of them last night to get it down.

It is very obvious to me that we need some new ground rules for Ethan and his attitude when he is out of control and disrespectful. I think I will go grab Jay to have a meeting to decide his fate.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Dear Sadie,
You took an unscheduled nap this afternoon. It is not part of your every day, but once in a while, I can tell you just need it. You were behaving fine, today, with your playmate Cecilia over, but I thought a little down time after she left would be good. I have come to understand that after a few hours of play with a friend, you need a little time to yourself. But, I have to watch out that you don't sleep too long or you will spook around in your room when it is time for bedtime. So, I went upstairs and there you were. So sweet - so calm - so beautiful. Your lips were a little more pink than usual becuase of some chapping, your hair was all over the place - even a little wet from sweat. You were on the floor in a sleeping bag and around you were all sorts of pillows and toys - mainly barbies - making quite a nice little fort - almost like a princess palate. I sat and stared at you for a just a moment as I heard the timer go off on the oven downstairs. A rare, beautiful moment. Then it got better. I called your name - Sadie, Sadie Loo, time to get up. You popped open your eyes, but I could tell by the glassy look you weren't really awake. You stretched, you yawned, then you said, Mommy, can I go with you somewhere? I said, what? You said, I want to go somewhere today, just the two of us. Prescious little one...I can't, not today. We don't have plans to go anywhere today, but I would love to. You rolled over and quickly fell back asleep. I told you it was time to start waking up for dinner and then left. I didn't even hear you when you finally came downstairs. Instead, I found you lying on the floor of the kitchen in a sleeping bag and large white pillow watching Meet the Robinsons. Content and waking up on your schedule. I love you my little lamb chop.

February 10, 2008

Well, I have almost made it. Survival - and yet, even better. On top of the mountain, spiritually. Closing doors and feeling closure, a way to move on. Clarity from our God, from our Savior that has led me to a new depth in understanding. Life is smooth, peaceful...content.

Oh my goodness - how I just saw God's plan and timing for something. WOW. I was reading a past post about how sad I was about this school year without Ansley. This was a really low place for me. I was very lonely. I was thinking about all the plans Ansley and I had when the kids were going to be in school. Then she died...BUT GOD was faithful to meet me in my need. I never saw it in this light before...Jay quit his job in November. He has been there for me. Our marriage is restored, our lives are better, our family is whole and functioning on a level never before! It is awesome. HE IS AWESOME! His timing is perfect, his ways are made complete. Wow. Now, when Jay leaves for a business appointment, I am lonely for him - which is the way it is supposed to be!